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yours_and_yours_alone
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Name: Rayn
Metro:
Birthday: 8/26/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: miss Emily Jordan Francis
Expertise: Loving
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/25/2005
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| hey everybody, i just need to do something, this is an omega update with a lot of actuall journal entrys, enjoy
Ryan Jayne
January 22nd 2005
hello there my name Ryan Jayne and im here to tell you about me, well
most of the stuff about me, well the one thing that is most important
to me, witch in turn makes up most of me or saved me from...well me but
anyhow this thing that ive rambled on and on about iz...the most
beautiful woman in the world, nice, loving loved and so so so so
beautiful, and she just so happens to be my "girfreind", her name is
Emily Jordan Francis. and she is as i have said before and will say
again through out this thing that im "writting" the most beautiful
woman in the worl, and aoeerently she loves me and i do love her with
all of my heart i would do antything for her, with her, or to her that
she wanted me to, well there are a few things i wouldnt do, such as
kill, i wouldnt kill anyone for anyone no matter how much they offer or
threaten, who said it was my job to end the life of another? no one
thats who and thats exactly why im not going to kill anyone but yet
again ive strayed from the original point, and that point is that i
love Emily Fracis and i always will, this is the first realationship
that ive been in, well kinda i dont count that one time with Cameo Cara
as a realation on acount of that it was short and the worst six days of
my life. and the point of my saying that this is the first
realationship ive been in is that if she were to "break up with me"
then i wouldnt know what to do... at all i would most likley kill
myself, and i dont mean that as in "if you break up with me im going to
kill myself" kind of way i would never tell her that that would just
make things harder for her, but anyhow last night i had about twelve
dreams, she was in all of them some were just things that wont ever
happen, well none of them will ever happen, some of them were just us
hagging out and there were two that would be considered "dirty dreams"
i really dont like those ones, because of what Tim had said a few weeks
ago he said that all i wanted out of our realationship is sex and that
is really not true and i really hope thats not all emily wants out of
this cause she wont be able to find it here im just saying i dont want
to embarris myself by blowiing an early load er somethin like that
y'know what i mean? i meant that would be really stupid of me, like
were in the middle of it and all of a sudden it just goes, exploding
everywhere, but enough about that right. i really enjoy the things we
do, well i enjoy that because all i do is hold her and kiss her neck,
she likes that, i like that too, it makes me smile, well that itself
doesnt make me smile but the look on her face when i do it or the way
that she tightens her grip when i do it, i love it, i also love the way
she smells, like a glass of unsweetened tea, it may sound weird but i
like it, i love it really if theres one thing i dont like about our
realationship is that she doesnt want heer mom knowing that shes with
me and that ruins everything, and i mean everything, if she knew and if
she were ok with it i probaly wouldnt be here typing on this comuter id
probably be in Tims truck kissing her neck and proabably pissing Tim
and Sam off pretty hard cause y'know they cant do that while Tims
driving and that also makes me mad, the fact that Tim doesnt like her,
i mean come on man please like her for me, for me Tim you are my best
friend, and your puppet, id follow you anywhere and yo know that i just
want one thing in return from my loyal freindship tim , just one thing
and that is for you to respect me and my girlfriend. well im
going to go for now ill be on later
Im back, i just got back from the
mall and i also found out that Tim is more suportive of my "going out"
with Emily than Sam is i couldve sworn that Tim hated her that bothered
me a little until Emily told me it was ok if my friends did or did not
like her but now that i know that Tim is actually suportting in
something such as this makes me happy, what i dont like is the fact
that Sam, my sister does not "aprove" of Emily, well fuck her i love
Emily with all my heart and more and she knows thisbut that really
pisses me off, like we got to the mall and i was talking to Shina that
is Alex's wife, Alex is one of the kewlest person youll ever meet, hes
like my Josh, that would be reffereing to Tim and Josh, they are good
freinds, and have led the exact same life but anyhow alex ended up
marrying the seecond woman that he "loved" and Emily is the second
person that im suer that ive "loved" and anyhow we were talking to
shina and we got on the subject of drugs er age either one, you pick
and sam said something like "oh yeah i smoke but its not as bad as what
his girfreind does" pointing at me, i ask "what are you talking about?"
she says "well y'know with the tattoo on her downstairs" i say "wait
thats worse than smoking, whatever we should switch the subject" and
the only reason i said that was because Shina was there and i didnt
want to make a fool of myself in front of her, but fourty-five minutes
later she goes out to her car and i bring it up again, i say something
close to "so peircings and tattoos are worse thn smoking or weed?" her
response was something like "well if she does that she probably does
other things" this is where the long pause would be....."she probably
doesnt smoke because she cant take it or she wants to look good for
Ryan" that really pissed me off and she knew, then she started talking
about how you cant do one thing and not the other, this is where i find
out that Tim is supportive of me "damn thats mean" he says "thats
fucked up Sam" i say "wait hows that fucked up Ryan, that the way
people are in this day and age" like she knows what the fuck shes
talking about, i think im starting to hate her she could have kept her
prpy ass mouth shut but no she had to go and piss Ryan off. im sorry,
its just i havent talked to her in two days im just worried that shes
avoiding me im really scared man im really really scared i just want to
hear her voice i love her and if no one likes her, they can burn in
hell for all i carefuck them, all of them every single one of them, i
dont need them none of them i dont need this bullshit that they give me
either, i hate all of them, all i have in my heart is hate, no all i
have in my heat is Emily she is my evreything, i love her so much, i
just want to hold her again, i would drop him, for every day im with
her i would curse his name, damn him to hell, anyone for that matter, i
dont care if they support me, for every hour i spend with her my hatred
for life grows, this sounds like a bad thing, but when im in her
preasence, no no no scratch that she is everything and i have no hatred
for anyone in her preasence, she saved me, not that i dont think about
doing it something bloody, something that would leave me on the ground,
not quite dead coughing up my own blood ounces at a time leaving my
last stain on the carpet we call life, that would piss some one off
like dying in my dads room, getting my blood all over his preacious
shit he calls valuable, nothing in this world is worth that green filth
that we call money, oh well i want to tell you about this day dream i
just had:
its me and Emily, i look a little older and a little thinner, i really
dont know how old either of us are though well were both their watching
the movie, and i look scared, i look into my pocket i put my hand in my
pocket i take it out, i do this about ten times, i finaly take the
thing that is in my pocket out, its a jewlery box i open it, look at it
for what seems like hours, and i shut it look at her ::god shes so
beautiful:: i think to myself, as im looking at her i get scared, even
more scared than when i was looking Charlie in the eyes,(that would be
a different story for a different time) i grasp the box in my hand, the
only reason i loosen my grip is because i hear the box break, nothing
important though, i say to her "Emily?... hey hun i want to ask you
something, is that ok?" "thats fine dear, what is it?" she says i get
on my knees in the theatre and people are looking at us and im crying
and i ask "Emily dearest, will you spend the rest of your life with me,
and by that i mean marry me, will you marry me?"...... the people in
the crowd "awwwww" as if in unison, she looks at me and says "yes, but
i cant wear that" my heart sinks i ask her as my voice cracks "why not,
do you think its to expensive?" "no its just that if my mother saw me
with an engagment ring on she would start to think something" the
crowd gasps, i start laughing realizing that this is like a sitcom show
of somesort, then i ask her "does Sherri even know youve got a
boyfriend?" she answers with the answer that i hate most "iunno" witch
is not even a word i ask her "why dont you just tell your mother that
we are going out? "iunno" she says again then i snap out of it as i do
with most of my dreams well im going to go now okie day? byez
Hey there, its the 24th of
january that is and im horribly sad, why you ask? well not only is alex
lost and gone forever but it finaly dawned on me that Freddie Mercury
is also gone and lost forever so for ever and for always ten months
from this very day i will listen only to Queen in his honor forever and
eternity just for you Freddie, i love you!!!!!! in the non-homosexual
way (sorry to disapoint you). but yes, i actually contemplated selling
Halo 2 for a good jump start on the engagment ring that im
getting Emily i hope i can get one thats really nice, like the one that
David got his wife, its the greatest ring ive ever seen, like the
engagment ring is like kinda hollowed out and the wedding ring fits
right inside, it set him back about two grand though, i would go back
eleventy billion dollars if she wanted me to get her the ring that
would cost so much that i just made up a number, im starting to go
crazy, i mean that like because i always said that Tim and Jason
were crazy when they smelled Sam on them and now i am starting to Smell
Emily on me, im flipping my bean if that is an actual analagy fo going
crazy im not sure, but i know one thing for sure, i could finaly be
getting my chance to shine as some would say, thats nott the way i
would phrase it i would say that i am finaly getting a chance to
publish my work, for free, or close to it, i dont know if you know this
or not but i draw comix, not strips and not books, pages, but yeah, i
know its not for anything big its for the skewl newspaper, it comes out
once a month or so and i know that no one would appreciate it but they
would read it, and i could get together with jason again and we could
finaly go somewhere with this thing, y'know if he hadn't quit already
id probably suggest it, id call him if i hadnt have forgot his number,
ill try my damndest to remember at skewl tommorow we could get homies
staeted again, the only ones who read that were the four in the group
and a few others, wouldnt that be kewl as shit? i think so im going to
the mall now ill be back... sometime
I'm back, i got back from the mall and then i got on
AIM and Emily was on so i stayed on unril she randomly signed off then
i later found out that her dad got there and she didnt want her da to
read the convoration, that upsets me very much, like shes hiding
our relationship, oh well good night.
Hey there im just a little upset,
cuz i was talking to Emily and we were tlaking, and i threw out the,
"when we have a kid could we name it Freddie?" i apperently said "when"
i really meant to say "if" because the last time that sort of thing
happened i got scared cuz she got all like, wait, you know were gonna
get married, and all i had to say for myself iz, well um ... no. and it
ended there, but i love her and i do want to marry her and i do want to
live with her by ny side for the rest of my life, and i do want her to
bear my childeren, but thats aside from the point, the oint being that
i love her so very much, well im horribly tired.
Hey, its been a real long time and i just wanted to
tell you that if thier are a "heaven and hell" im deffenatly going to
hell, well sunday i came home from moms house and i gave this money
that i had to my dad to keep safe for me and later that evening he got
mad at me and told me that i had better start doing my work(witch is
bullshit by the way i always did my fucking classwork and as much of
the homework as possible) ans i accedentaly told him about my bag being
stolen and he looked at me and said "Well then maybe thats what you
have been saving your money for" in this asshole way, he knew that i
wanted to get Emily a valentines day gift, and i just looked at him
with defeat in my eyes and said "yeah dad, thats it" it took all of me
to not cry(witch ive been doing a lot of latley) and i really wanted to
see her (still do by the way) so i asked Tim "Tim if i give you $24
will you take me to Norman to see Emily?" he answered "When do you want
to go?" i said "whenever is good for you" he said soemthing like yeah
er something and so on monday right after skewl i try for about an hour
to not break the nails on the door to my dads room and fianly i just
wen in the kitchen and got the good ol butter knive and sshoved the
bitch in there and one of the nails came loose but i fixed it and i
called Tim and asked him if he could come over and get the money so
when my dad found it he couldnt blame it on me because i wouldnt have
the money and Tim came over and Sam and Lauren left so i got some
quality time with my best friend and we went over to Kates house but
thats aside from the point and the point being dad found out that the
money is missingand i am so fucking glad it was early in the morning
cuz in the morning ive got no emotional looks to give but he came into
my room looking fucking pissed as heel and looks at me and says "did
you take your money back Ryan?" I answer with "no, you made it like
impossible to get into there" and after about half a minute of him
asking me he leaves for about half a minute and Branita comes in and
says "we know you took it Ryan just tell us how you did it" i said
"DONT EVEN TELL ME I TOOK THAT MONEY!" and she leaves for about half a
minute and dad comes in and says "you can tell me if you took it Ryan,
it was your money" and he could tell that i wasnt going to admit to
anything so he left for the above said amount of time and they
came back and asked if there were any way that amy could get in and i
told them that i had left the house un-locked on tuesday and then they
got pissed and told me that my sister and her friends are not to be
trusted and thats when i felt really bad, but it could have been one of
there tactics, a guilt trip, and i gave not in but it worked, making me
feel really guilty. well goodbye for now.
Hey same day as above only seconds later and i
wanted to tell you that i told Emily why i wanted to kill myself last
night and she started crying(i was already crying) and the reason is --
I hate it when the dreams are that real(we were talking about a dream
that she had) and she said that when i hugged her in the dream she
could feel me and smell me and i told her that i hated it when dreams
were that real because it makes it that much fucking worse when you
wake up, and by this time im already crying and i said "i just dont
want to wake up any more, i cant take another day without you" and i
could tell she was crying and that made me feel real bad and she asked
me "your not kidding around are you Ryan?" and it was obvious she was
crying by then and i answered her with "no, no im not" and she says
"dont do it, i dont know what i would do i fyou did" then i said "i
wont, i will wait, ill wait forever if it takes my entire life ill wait
just for you" she was still crying and i felt really bad for being so
selfish but i wanted someone to know why i want to die, its come to the
point where i can only tell the difference between dream and life
because in life im not with Emily, and life would be a dream if you
asked me about a four months ago, i mean what with Jordan "liking" me,
from what i understand anyhow but its like i do "like" her but i love
Emily, i want to be with her for the rest of my life i want to grow old
together and i think she does to, i love her so much and i just dont
want to lose her
i lost her, and in a horrible way, apperently i was
clingy (obviously, it was my first relationship) i was trying to buy
her love (ummm ok? ill just not say anything about that one) and
finnaly i was sex obsessed (now ill admitt to wanting to do "sexual"
things but whenever teh actual word sex came up i was horrified, i mean
i was scared out of my mind on our last "date" she told me to wait in
her living room, and whatever, im going to go waste my life some more
by dreaming of her
Date: ummm yeah, no idea but anyhoo, just thought id let you know that
emily and i are back together now, tim is in new mexico and yeah, he
cant live with me when he comes backa nd basicly yeah thats about it,
and well yeah....
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| hello again all, not much going on, but yeah ummmmmmmmmm... tim cant
live with me anymore, something about branita (step mom) and well yeah,
aperantly my dad lieks tim and all but nooooo anyhoo as stated before
nothing going on, oops i gotta go get my taquitoes outta the oven
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| ello ello, nothing exiting today i afraid, im just chillen at my house,
cleaning my room, and well thats about it, id be at "band practise" but
yeah my head hurts cuza my fkn jaw (band practise is just anna bryon
and me hanging out at either bryons house, or heritage) and yeah, well
bleh i can wait to not go to skewl tomorrow i gotta get the stitches
outa my mouth, then i can finally brush my fkn teeht again!!!!!!!!!!!
(i know youll enjoy that one emiry).... gawsh so i wore my sport jaket
to skewl today and well i got a lot of what the fucks and so on and i
was like dude cuz i fkn felt like it, and well yeah i guess thats it,
if anything of interest happens ill tell ya....love yas....most of ya
Ryb(an)ug
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| ello all, i saw the most wonderfully beautiful young woman in the world
today, her name is...you guessed it, Emily Jordan Francis, i mean i
only talk about her every time im on right, well anyhoo, i was talking
with some friends and well they were like lets go to heritage (mall)
and i was like well lets not, weve been there too much lately lets go
to crossroads (different mall) and as a joke i propose it to dear sweet
emily and well of coarse she didt so we proposed to annas aunt to take
us to crossraods, and well she wasnt into the idea but hey she had the
great idea of going to sooner mall (mall in norman) ((witch is where
emily lives)) so i was oh dear god and i call her up and she says shed
love to and well anna bryon and i get tehre wait fer like thirty fkn
minutes on her, she show up we have like half an hour to spend with her
and well i kinda feel like a big ass hole for leavin bryon and anna out
of the loop but i couldnt help it i mean i just wanted to be with her,
and i hope you guys understand, i mean i love ya just not like i love
emily sorrrrrrryyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! (kinda not sorry at all) anyhoo, i
saw emily, and well i love her so extremely much and yes i cnat go to
firhgt fest this up and coming weekend, because god hates me and doesnt
want me to get cocky by saying oh yeah i saw the love of my life twice
this month
oh fucking well right....see ya next time bitches, love ya all....well most of you....rybug
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| Hey guys, lil more info on the battlefront, emily and i are "going out"
again, and the reason behind the quatations is because im not really
sure if its official and well yeah, im happy aside from every second my
ears arent listening to her voice or all the times my eyes are being
poisened of visions aside from her beautiful face and figure, but yeah
whatever, heres a lil something i wrote and well imma put *'s by the
ones that describe me copy it and coment it back with your *'s if ya
want
"Nice Guys Don't Always Finish Last."
-To every guy that says I love you.*
-To every guy that opens doors.*
-To every guy that walks on the outside of a sidewalk so he can be the
first to get hit by a car that careens off the road and push her out of
the way.*(i love this one)
-To every guy that cooks dinner for her.*
-To every guy that said, "Sex can wait."
-To every guy that said, "You're beautiful.*
-To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.*
-To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick (And even a stuffed animal perhaps).*
-To every guy who has given her flowers just because she is feeling a bit depressed.*
-To every guy that said he would die for her.*
-To every guy that really would.*
-To every guy that did what she wanted to do.*
-To everyguy that treated her like a princess.*
-To every guy that cried in front of her.*
-To every guy that she cried in front of.*
-To every guy that holds hands with her.*
-To everyguy that kisses her with meaning.*
-To every guy that hugs her when shes sad.*
-To every guy who would give their jacket up.*
-To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.*
- to every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.*
-To every guy that would give his seat up.*
-To every guy that just wants to cuddle.*
-To every guy that will just sleep (no sex) with her.*
-To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what (even if she got fat).*
-To every guy who told his secrets to her.*
-To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.*
-To everyguy that thought maybe this could be the one.*
-To every guy that believed in her dreams.*
-To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.*
-To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.*
-To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.*
-To every guy that actually listened.*
This ones for us guys....Nice Guys Dont Always Finish Last...::clanky sounds of beer glasses::
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