***YOUR VEGAS DOES CANADA*** 

(Originally written June 25, 2007. Posted today by AMR.)

The place: Canada
The reason: To get our visas renewed so we can carry on recording our album
The roadkill: We saw a lot

That's right peeps, yesterday morning at 8.30 we set off on an epic road trip to Canada. We were all very excited because none of us had ever been before. As we left New York City we all made a pact that we were all definitely going to lose our virginity on this trip. We only had 6 weeks until we started our freshmen years and this was our chance to go on one last legendary adventure together and hopefully have our innocence stolen forever.

As we travelled through New Jersey I hadn't realised that the speed limit was 65 on the interstate and I found myself cruising ignorantly between 80-90. So you can imagine my horror when a cop started chasing me and pulled me over. He ordered me out of the vehicle, asked for my license and made me pop the trunk. With the trunk duly popped the thought of pushing the cop in and kidnapping him briefly crossed my mind. I mean, I thought I was going down. Big time.

"You guys a band?" said the cop.

"Yes." I said.

"What kind?"

"Rock band."

"Oh yeah. Who do you sound like?" he asked.

This is a question I have been asked many times over the years, and I now have an automatic answer that seems to provoke the most positive response from whoever it is I'm talking to and doesn't give too much away, but puts us in a certain ballpark.

"Most people think we sound a bit like U2." I said.

"I fucking love U2!" he said, excited.

Anyway, after some music chat, a bit of laddish banter and some English charm I was able to buy him off with a YV promo c.d. A lucky escape and a lesson learned.

The first stop we made at services led us to encounter the following sign on the information center opposite the toilets:

THE TOILETS ARE NOTHING TO DUE WITH US!!!

Mat became curious as to what kind of person would bastardize the English language in such a unique way and so decided to wander into the info depot.

"Hey, what's with the sign?" Mat asked the elderly looking chap sitting behind the desk sporting a t-shirt that just said BOB.

"MY GOD!" Bob screamed. "I'm sick of people asking me about the toilets and the sign! The toilets are nothing to do with me!" Bob became very upset and wound up by this so when Mat came and told the rest of us what had happened we decided to take it in turns to go in and ask Bob about the toilets and the sign. It was fun winding Bob up but we were wasting precious time. We had virginities to lose.

I saw a bank made of wood in a small Amercian town somewhere on the way to Canada and made a mental note that this must be easy to rob because you could just chop your way through.

We almost didn't get into Canada but luckily we were able to buy the woman at passport control off with yet another trusty YV promo c.d.

When we got into Canada we drove to the nearest motel that didn't look like it was owned by a psychotic axe murderer and hit the hay pretty early as we had a meeting on the Canadian border at 8.30.

We got back in to the states with very little bother, we didn't even have to give out any YV promo c.d's.

When we arrived back home in NYC we realised that we had totally forgotten to lose our virginities. I guess this will have to wait until the next YV field trip.

Your legal friend,
Jon (YV)
xxx