| | Yes I know that its been forever since I have blogged but This past year has gone by so fast. So Much has happened yet at thje same time it feels as nothing has happened.
For the longest time when I moved back to Blackwell, I was so angry with God. The one place that I hated being at the most, thats the one place that God sent me. For the first few months I was here I did anything and everything to find a way to leave knowing that this is where I was supposed to be at the time. I couldnt understand or grasp why God would have me return to a place where there was nothing left for me. I had no friends here, a family that doesnt even know me, and a church who will never see me for the Woman of God who i had become. This is the first time in a long time that i truly was so mad and angry at God in a long time. I was almost at the point where I didnt want anything to do with him anymore.
But yet at the same time, I knew this is where I was supposed to be for a small season of my life. Cause I knew that if I could not make it on my own here, that I couldnt make it anywhere. Since i graduated college, I have been running from where and what God wants me to be. Sadly layley I have lost sight of the dream that God has placed inside of me.
God has been doing some amazing thins in my life. He took me out of a bad situation and placed me with a family that has beeen A God send. I have a new church that I have been going to and God has really begun to open up some doors for me. But Im at a cross roads right now.
Everyday that I am not in ministry or working with youth, that pasion inside of me is dying. i am loosing sight of all the dreams and visions that God has placed within me. I feel so isolated and alone here without haveing true friends, without haveing a strong support system of fellow women who are my age. Everyone that I am "friends" with, are either 6-8 years younger than me, 5-7 years older than m, or if the are my age, there married and have kids. Its so frustrating at times.
Im really beging to resent being here for as long as I have. I have an okay job that I barley make it by every month, Im really starting to not like my job. I dont want to get to the place where, s okay that im not in ministry, wher im not doing what God has called me to do.I dont want to become luke warm. I need God to move so desperatly, so mighty in my life. Im tired of the se old mundan life Ive been living.
I want God to use my life in ways that He has never done before, I want to be in full tim youth ministry, I just want somnething differnt than the life I have now.
But the one thing I do know, is that God does have everything under control. He does have a plan and a purpose for my life even though it has been pushed to the side on my part. I know everythiogn will happen in its due season. And no matter what, I will stand through this season. |
| | Posted 2/15/2008 10:26 PM - 34 views - 2 comments
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