I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

tonight i'd rather be in love.


i hate being alone.
i hate seeing couples so happy together.
and even more when i see couples fighting.

i'm sick of meaningless fucks and guys that don't give two shits about me.
i want a relationship.
someone to hold my hand because they want to, not because i ask to.
someone to keep me warm in this damn cold weather.
someone to sleep next to at night, and wake up to in the morning.

i don't get it.
i'm probably the nicest girl the guys i like have ever met.
but guys don't like nice girls in college.
i guess i'm just not cute enough.
they don't know what they're missing.
and i can't show them without them getting scared away.

i don't want to be desperate.
but i don't know how long i can take this.


i miss ben.
i miss the love we shared.
i miss the way he could always make me laugh.
and the way he held me when i was sad.
i miss his bear hugs that turned into carrying me across the room.
and the days we'd spend doing nothing but cuddling.
i miss his kisses, i haven't found a better kisser since.
i miss everything about him.
and i hate it.

i hate that i have to rely on memories as the only excuse for experiencing love.


no one cares.