|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Dear xanga,
I've known you for almost four years and yet I don't know you well. I only sometimes visit, and though you always ask me to upgrade, I just don't. Either I'm just not that into you, or I'm not ready to grow up and commit. In the case of you, well, I'm just not that into you. But I guess for other things, I'm in denial about facing the music. Get a job, enter the 'real' world, be responsible. Yep, I'm freakin' out just a little bit. In these four years, I'm supposed to have had more figured out and yet I just created more questions for myself to answer. I had so many expectations coming to college- I was supposed to figure out my life passion, find true love, and put myself out there so that I can soak in and experience anything and everything. None of that really happened. There were some minor obstacles, mostly created by me with circumstances not helping any. But why look back, right? I guess now I will just try not to have such high expectations so that I can be pleasantly surprised when I figure out some part of my life, any part of my life. Thank you, xanga, for being here always. You are such a good listener.
Yours,
c sue nagoo
| | |
| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm not usually superstitious, but I really don't want this to be a curse. Waiting for December 1 to satisfy my superstitious self...
when you're a fool, cheesy things seem romantic. when you're sane, cheesy things are just cheesy. when you're a fool, very bad taste can be forgiven. when you're sane, very bad taste is laughed at.
how cute and endearing. it's nice to see that even in difficult environments, people still have integrity.
i have a semi-fatalistic view on life. certain streams of choices need to be made for any occurence to happen as it does. how did we get here?
i hate when you get one of those pistachios where the shell is shut tight, and you can't get to the yummy goodness so easily. you have to look for other ways to crack the damn thing open.
i really don't swear that much. i need to try harder. it is unappealing to me when i use the labial fricatives a little too much.
| | |
| i'm fine, thank you.good thing I couldn't remember my password. I ran out of ways to procrastinate otherwise, so here I am. Much has changed since I have last visited- yes, xanga things, but also life things. This is the first November where something really miserable hasn't happened. Knock on wood. I hope nobody ruins it for me. This has been a pretty good November. No, I'm not getting straight A's, I haven't landed some sweet job for next year, I haven't found the love of my life, I'm not partying it up like a senior, and I didn't win the lottery. Oh, and I'm not writing a thesis. 'Cause that's all people ever talk about these days. But despite the stressors and the November rain that has pitter-pattered on me quite a number of times already, I'm pretty content. Actually too lax. As the guy I shared a cab with the other day noted, I'm a "lazy senior." I'll grow up when I'm ready. Don't rush me. It doesn't work. Trust me.
| | |
| xanga and i really are estranged lovers. hello again, my love.
i want to write something deep, something meaningful. I just read through some past entries. What an emotional journey. those of you who have commented, thank you so much-I really appreciate it.
The thing about these entries is that I say so much but so little. I want to express everything I feel, but at the same time I want those feelings to be private, for those feelings for exclusively me. I was good at striking that balance (or so I think, anyway)
Right now, my creativity is lacking. i'm not able to find that balance between reality and fiction, public and private, fluidity and coherence. somehow it's been taken away from me like a lot of things this past year. my faith and trust in people has been damaged. i don't want to stray too far from the sidewalk anymore. There are some people whom you KNOW you can trust and then there are some that you question but somehow end up taking a risk. Getting hurt is no fun. and add in complicated situations and sensitive issues regarding life and death, the uncertainty of the future, and politics being felt at the personal level....well, they just plain suck. it's almost as if the poetic, creative part of me got lost in some transaction and now i'm desperately wanting to get it back. perhaps it's time for something new. forget the old. a new year is coming up and i am excited to leave what i can behind. clear my mind, clear my heart, and moving on to a new, focused direction. no more falling off the tracks. no more conscious stupidity.
until another time.
end of procrastination. papers galore. *stretching my muscles for the marathon. | | |
| as if xanga weren't enough i've signed up for myspace. friend me if you're on it. otherwise, join and be my friend. it's lonely out there. oh and please rank my picture so that i don't seem so pathetic. heh. okey doke! my head is throbbing and i need to unpack some essentials. | | |
|
