| More to Lifetime is near and i'm getting ready for my trip to kenya...
there is so much to think about and do before i go.. it's a little overwhelming.. but i tell myself that i have to keep focused. definitely not the easiest thing to do
i was thinking a lot lastnite since i was home for once and felt this overwhelming sadness cloud over me..
i realized how withdrawn i was from God and how i haven't been living for God and instead living for myself and others around me..
i feel so unprepared emotionally.. physically.. mentally.. spriritually.. and yet God is sending me on this mission... Praise God!! for believing in me... i ask everyone to pray for me and for our missions team and the people of kenya~* there is more to life... |
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| i'm pretty blunt and pretty honest but sometimes i find myself in situations where i can't say what's on my mind~ yes it's rare but it does occur~
i feel like the reason why i can't say those certain things is b/c of what it's related to~ especially if it's related to something pity and it would just make me look like an idiot or it makes me seem sensitive when everyone knows i'm not really all that sensitive~
i guess when i see myself like this it's not necessarily a bad thing~ in some ways it just says that i'm "human" and not this "super-woman" character that some people percieve me as...
i feel like this is a good time to go away and kind of get away from it all... kenya trip couldn't have come at a more convenient time~ i plan on coming back with a fresh new attitude and outlook on life~ i kno God has great plans for me...
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i open my cox email every morning during the week and i can't help to think.. gosh.. it's such a tragedy and so sad how many people die each day~ like yesterday 9 firefighters died in a fire in charleston~
not that i didn't realize it before.. but i realize it more and more as each day goes by~~~ that life is short.
so short... you never know when your life will end.. of course if you believe in heaven then you know that it's actually more the beginning of a new life~
i guess that's why i'm not afraid of death.. but at the same token i don't want to die in any kind of accident~ car.. airplane..walking down the street..murder..robbery..fire..etc. i'd definitely prefer to die just with old age and peacefully in my sleep~ so that way it's not such a shock to people that are close to me.. but expected.
but things don't always come at us because we expect it~ lots of things happen at the oddest moments and when it is totally unexpected.
we can try as hard as we can to make our own timeline and plan our own lives.. but.. that's just it.. if we were able to do that.. i'm sure we would all be with the perfect person with the perfect house and children and job etc.. but if that were the case then we wouldn't be human.
we were all born sinners and we were not meant to be perfect.. and i think when people strive for perfection~ that's when they become really disappointed and harsh on themselves~
then there's the question of what is "perfect"?
what one may see as perfect may not be what another person sees.. what i do know about perfection is this~ is that only God himself is perfect and we can form a closer relationship with Him and not so much what our society may perceive as perfect. society has it's own views on what "happiness" is~ and i can tell you this.. is that that happiness is not true happiness and it is only temporary... just like this life* |
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| WOW! busy busy busy.. life is so busy.. but gotta remember to take a time out and refocus myself to bigger and better things =) JESUS IS # 1!!!!!
Getting ready for lots of changes with work situation and missions trip coming up.. we have a congregational meeting to talk about SPC and it's future on Sunday.. looking forward to that and praying that someone will step up and take the lead.. we desparately need good leaders at our church~*
My cousin is leaving for Korea this week.. kinda sad about it but not? haha.. she's been here for 6 months.. i'm sure her family in Korea misses her very much.. so it's good she's going back.. she''ll be back tho.. she wants to get a student visa and come back here and study etc...
I'm in the process of not just getting ready for a workshop i'm giving in June and missions trip in July and wedding in July and school in the Fall and VBS in June..but now possibly getting a roomate(s).. it'll help me out financially and i think it might be fun.. so we'll see *sigh*.. so much going on~~~
I realized that I do live my life very busy.. there is always something going on.. no time to just pause and breathe and do "nothing".. I just have to remind myself that i need time to myself and i need to dedicate more of my time to God.. it's easy to sidetrack and get lost in your life and forget about what is important..
Yesterday was mother's day.. i was exhausted from the night before but after church i went and got presents for all the women in my family who are mothers and it was nice.. very nice to see the smiles on their faces.. it really is the little things in life.. that makes somebody happy.. and i realized.. that the little time i take out of my day to do something for someone else.. really does go a long way.. and what makes me happy is that whenever i do something for God.. i know that he is cheezing down on me ^_^
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