|
yukawai
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Andy Ka-Wai
Birthday: 9/17/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: cello, singing, chamber music, orchestra, Brahms, Yo-Yo Ma, Casals, Bernard Greenhouse, Fournier, Maisky, David Tao, Eason Chan, riding a bike, soccer, ping-pong, swimming
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
ICQ:  156335701
Member Since:
9/2/2004
|
|
| My mind was static...and even now it's just slow~ I still remember whenever I've that it's not a good sign as a performer. That means not open, forward, let-go, relax, not musical....and above all it's the fear that cuased the 'failure' in today's solos in orchestra rehearsal. Although I'm not supposed to be on that Principal seat this concert and perhaps I shouldn't allow that to distract any attention of total focus to my solo and accom recital...this Sat and Oct 20, BUT no excuse, it's beautiful music, and it's my job to do it, and not just do it----do it well! Lots of preparation from now on without carelessness....although that means my time management must be really well adjusted, but perhaps there isn't another choice at the moment. When I feel no choice....or have to do one thing, why don't I enjoy it. Also, I seem to have the old habit of 'panic' back to life, even after my new growth in the summer......no I need to overcome it, it's like overcoming any traumatic feelings you've....and after all it's music, it's a song, it's a speech, no more fear please Yu Ka Wai!!!
Now, time to get some good meal and then get ready to play in Faye's dress rehearsal. Every second is precious, no regret, no worry. It's the world of hope if you're willing to face the truth. But if you prefer to stay in the 'safety dream world' you can, but you'll never really enjoy the beauty after taking risks(no matter 'successful' or not it may seem).
| | |
| How to make yourself focus? That's a tough question, when many things
occur the same time. I've quite a number of duties or stuffs to
do...but I end up not wanting to do any of them, lots of the
time~~pressure always challenges against our incentive, devotion and
patience in doing one thing. Yet, that's reality and will
continue influence our life in many ways. Perhaps that's right I
push myself with duscipline and routines....but as I get more mature,
it's not enough just to force yourself. And the last thing I want
here is: enjoyment. If I can enjoy even in times of immense
pressure, I'll still have the incentive
| | |
| Well, after a while I'm back to xanga, yeah! It has been a while
when I tried to focus on living the real life. There're so many
things that you're occupied with and you won't have time at all the
even write a word about what you feel. Yet, it is very
comfortable to write again now as I care about what my heart
feels. Anyway, part-time work is a learning experience, but that
takes away too much time and certain efforts from me~~ For me, the
person who focused only on one thing at a time before that'll be hard,
because I wanna support my life financially and at the same time do
well on my doctoral study. The person who once practised like mad
on the cello is not doing the same thing now...but the quality of work
that I had done couldn't be measured by the hours I locked myself in
the practice rooms. Indeed this summer seems to be kind of a
transition. And after teaching at BlueLake I'm refreshed. I also feel
more sure the way I think about music and about how to work on musical
performance~~ I know back to school is in one week and by then it's
time for me to experiment how well my new thinking can fit in to the
challenge! Recital is top priority and that's close too...yet the
immediate challenge is gig orch auditions. This thing is
extremely challenging for a passionate musician like me who sometimes
forget the importance of perfect technique.... But watching
the women's diving in Olympics did inspire me yesterday~~right no
matter where is the pressure from the people around you or what ever is
the importance of that one single competition, on the stage(at the
swimming pool) you just have to be centered and focus on what you're
doing.....and above all execution! Executing what you prepared is
the key the success~~for sure the word 'preparation' is extremely
important too.
| | |
| It seems that the situation is not positive or encouraging......yet it's because of that I need to still keep going.
Getting a bad cold.......dizzy, headache, lack of physical energy, lack of usual determination~~~~~~~~well, if I wanna go through, I can certainly go through. Confidence is something I lack, but why not feel it....even if the sky seems to 'sinking down'. I don't want to care what others think about me, but if I do care, it's alright. If you don't do well this time, try again next time. Time will be an advantage for me. Rushing only shows my weakness earlier. It's such kind of philosophy, try to do something, put your heart in it, devoted and with faith, yet, don't get occupied, don't be driven by it...anyway love something but not to obsess, to fight for it, but not to grip it tight.....release, release and release is what I need!!!!!!!! Why do I put my soul into prison if I haven't done anything wrong?!
| | |
| Snowing out there...cold, but it's just beautiful~ I hope things will go on beautifully too. It's just difficult for me not to speak out when pressure seems to sink me into the sea under restless waves..........Perhaps I'm being too ambitious, perhaps I just don't let myself have plenty of time to plan and do preparation. Life is not easy with all those tough yet not seeming successful auditions. Well, ok if I end up staying here not with sumer music festival it's alright. Why should I keep pushing myself without a reasonable purpose.......Civic audition, so what if I give up...or St Louis.....I even feel ashame to tell others I'm auditioning, but who cares~~~~~being a DMA student has no priviledge and the degree itself doesn't make you play better. You play at certain level so you get to this level, but whether or not you're successful is another thing. I need to do what I want. Even if I know things weren't going as good as expected, but why not give it a try. I also need to think about long-term: competition, two recitals......and career............. at the same time school work is the most important. I'm not going to forget about studying as the study is supporting my playing. It has certain valuable knowledge I couldn't get studying a diploma or Master. Go for it~
The time I didn't write my ideas...it must be the moments that I'm occupied, hectic, busy with stuffs, without listening to my soul. However, I know I need to comfort my soul, doing what is instinct to me. We struggle, everyone go for challenges. Yet we need homes, we need a place to stay and relax, before the next battle is coming~ Thanks God I have to say that I've been going through so much things. I want to make sure I swim well in the sea (or lake since there is no sea but Michigan Lake nearby here), instead of sinking. One reflection is on the shooting tragedy in Northern Illinois University............ How can history repeat so many times when shootings on campus happened and happened again.....with not long ago in virgina?!!! The society needs to do something. Why did they get guns easily...? Why do certain people lose their rational mind and allow themselves to do unlogical things hurting other people?!!! That's something everyone needs to reflect. We ourselevs have mistakes , but don't repeat them. Face them and give your patience to correct them........ | | |
|
