yuki_december's Xanga

HAVE i OR not?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:39:17 GMT

Its been a month and four days since I've arrived in Myanmar.

Lets see what I've done.
1. I sang a duet with my brother at church.
2. I rearranged the location of some departments in the office.
3. I have collected three songs for my demo.
4. I taught English to the JL staffs for one week.
5. I have hung out with my brother's friends almost every night.
6. I sang Father's day song with my two brothers at Youth service in Burma.

Lets see what I have to do.
1. Go to Japan for one week.
2. Apply for visa to go come visit the states in the fall.
3. Revisit the office in MKN to establish myself as a staff.
4. Plan for the big company event in November.
5. Start studying for GMAT.

I still feel like I've been bumming. Its been a month and what concrete things have I finished?

I feel I might have made a mistake in coming back. Or not?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wed, 28 May 2008 02:53:52 GMT

Why does it feel like I am suddenly alone in my own decisions...?

time to say good-bye

Wed, 28 May 2008 01:51:47 GMT

oh wow...

I am done with four years of college life. How did I get through all those years...?

It seems like it was just yesterday that I got here. THinking back on the very first day I got here, I was a very naive, "good" girl...but now I feel that I've become more independent, out-spoken, vunerable, and educated...although the last one is questionable... (LOL)

I can't believe I am leaving this place. It saddens me more now that I know the time is nearer, and that everything has change. Although growing up means getting yourself out of the comfor zone, I am still having a hard time thinking about it. I think about the lonely nights I'll have, not being able to call my friends just to talk. Not being able to rant about my stress...and just not to think about what lies ahead.

I feel that from this day on, the road will only get harder, and complicated. I know my parents expect alot from me, and so does everyone else since I have earned a degree from the U.S. But honestly...I don't know if I'll be good at anything. What if I fail, and dissapoint people? What if I realize that I've become nothing....

Although, failing is something I am scared of, something that's alot more scarier is being alone. Since all my close friends are abroad, to whom do I talk to about my stress, and my failures...

Who will encourage me with pep-talks. Telling me everything is ok, and that even if I fail, I'll be fine. THat I can get up and go again. That thought scares me. THe image of me crying alone on my bed, which I've done alot in Burma, scares me tremendously....

Wow...life will never be the same again.

I pray for you

Thu, 15 May 2008 22:27:43 GMT

Oh lord,

WHen I first heard the news, I didn't cry. Didn't even blink an eye...

Now, now...it hurts...

it hurts more since he's left a part of himself with me. All those letters, songs, conversations...how could I forget?

Why did he have to leave so early....

It gets worse since I know I can't see you write more songs...

OH lord, how it hurts...

Please come back...Please...

please don't cry.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 06:33:25 GMT

WHy is life so unfair?

I sit here at three in the morning feeling numb.

I will fight for our rights until the very end. They denied it to them for stupid reasons, and therefore I will get back at them.

All their life they've waited to see me graduation, and at the last minute, this happens....if there are any GOD, I hope there's a reason for this...and it better be a damn good one. Please don't cry MaMa....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 03:19:36 GMT

Goals to accomplish before the end of this month.

1. Extend my passport

2.Finish 2 songs

3.Attain driver's license

4. Buy Music dictionary

5. Purchase traditional and heritage books on Kachin

How shall I leave the states?....What shall I do to say good-bye to all my friends in the states...? Party? Dinner? Group e-mails? Phone calls? ...

But I'd actually prefer to leave without any notice...wierd...am I not?

the night I went to Salem

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:47:39 GMT

When was the last time I had had this much fun with strangers....hmmm...NEVER!

This weekend was the best that I could have had with strangers...well not really, I see them yearly :D

My yearly friends. Although never a big fan of bars or going out with people I barely see ALONE, I had one of the best nights of my life on Saturday. I was dreading the night since I hadn't seen Adam and his gangs for a year. But Salem's the bEST! Its creepy since at night there's not a soul in sight compare to the busy "city life" of Boston. I was hesitant to even give this town a credit, but after a bowl of great Salmon Noodle salad, and Red Witch Beer...(?) I was set. Talking about nothing and actually being involved in their conversations which were of topics I were not familiar with felt like a breeze. I was that comfortable.

Rockefellar bar, great music, great drinks and great people. The night passed by much quicker than I thought. After downing 7 bottles of beer, I knew I had to stop when French was the only language that came out of my mouth. That's a sign that I am tipsy, speaking French :D

I was more glad to meet a new friend who had the same accent as Borat, but oh spoke French so well that I was happy :D

An unforgettable night. I hope to see you guys again next year :D

Je l'ai parle Francais.

I made that money hat :D

See you guys again!! :D

One Down 7 more to go

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:18:32 GMT

I finished my very first single last night.

It was the best feeling ever. I only wished my parents were here to share this joy with me. I can't wait to see them in May. My aunt and her family are going to be here also. There is as much joy in my heart yet at the same time there's sadness.

But that's the way it is...

Where there's love, there's hate. WH]here there's happiness, there's sorrow. Where there's laughter, there are tears. I take all of it in. I accept all that happens to me, and welcomes many more of the joys and sorrows that await for me.

I wish to be the one of the most influential people in my country, a positive role model. From truly, deeply in my heart, I wish that all individuals on this earth will do the best in their life..be it that you're poor, rich, pretty, ugly, smart or dumb.

I know the blessings I have each and everyday of my life. I always thank him, and I always pray to him asking to use me in manners that will benefit the kingdom that he has built. I wish to be a definition of a woman. Driven, smart, courageous, ethical, positive, active, and faithful.

There's nothing I can't do as long as I have a positive attitude and love.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 23:32:44 GMT

Ever had a time where you had a conversation that you've been avoiding for so long. It happened to me yesterday

Once upon a time, there was a family who lived happily. NO worries, no burdens. Six beautiful children produced by two charming people. They had the dream house, car, was a member of an exclusive golf club. CHildren were top of everything, sports, school, church etc. There was nothing wrong with this family. Or so an outsider would assume.

Suddenly that all changed. The day everything fell apart. The starting day where the two parents can't stand each other. WHere the children have to fend for themselves, emotionally and physically. THey were orphans with parents.

I don't really know where I am going with writing this. Because its not like I can finish the story. Nor is it a tale anyone would be interested in. Therefore, I leave it at this.

2nd Chances

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 05:10:04 GMT

My father always told me, you have three grandmothers. One passed away in 2006 when my first album came out. Dwi Hpau-ya is her name just passed away, before my graduation.

It seems that every time there's turning point in my life, something happens. And it seems like death is the regular occurance...

The three ladies brought my father up. Dwi had a son of her own, but as luck was never in her life, he became a drug addict and the mother in return had to take care of her full grown man...

I wonder...if things would have been different for our families if my father never turned out to be the man he was today. Even through thick and thin my father has come out undefeated. Still standing amongst the many who has fallen into the traps of being too rich...

As I get older, I start to learn the things that are important to me, that keeps me grounded. Family. They will always welcome you wtih open arms no matter who you are. They will always remind you about what makes you YOU, nothing more or less.

I realize...my grandmothers probably really wanted a second chance. A chance to undo the wrongs and make them right. To guide their children in certain ways hoping they'll grow up to be a better person than than they are today...and that's when I realized...they don't. Nobody does. Esp. as Christians, we believe in one life, and one death. What I'll lack are 2nd chances. I only have one shot to make it perfect, to do my best...but the best thing?...you have time to THINK...

You can contemplate all you want before you make your deciscions. Think about it, sleep on it, talk about it, wait on it...do anything that helps you til' you know exactly what you need/want to do...but once you do it. It must be done right. Its like....a sharp knife. You sharpen it until its ready to cut that steel, meat, cake, iron.. and once you do it...its done.

Oh lord...I thank him so much for letting myself go back to my grandma before she passed away. I, who am still alive hopes that one day when I see her again I can say...look Grandma...I did this. aren't you proud of me?