Tuesday, July 01, 2008

• Men's Fears

  I never really thought about what men really fear as most women are always openly obsessing to a man or another female about every single irrational insecurity possible to the known world. My irrational fear? Aging. And I say it's irrational because everyone who has met me says they thought I was 22 at most and I usually always get carded. I'm 27. I'm closer to 30 than 20. Why am I so afraid of aging? Because I know that it's a fact of life and I see how more mature women soooooo reminisce of how their bodies and skin were decades ago. I don't have one fine line on my face, yet I'm scared to death. I'm so scared that I started to use anti-wrinkle creams. The mature women want to slap me in the face. I thought it was preventive care. I'm afraid because I always thought men can look better with age and women, quite honestly never do (only a select few). Men can be 50 and hot like George Clooney and still chase after the 20 year-old hotties. I did mention that I was being irrational, right?

  Well, I guess men do after all have their fears as well. They might be just as petty as ours and they might just be as logical.

  I read an article in the July issue of Redbook (women's magazine) the other day about men's fears. (The best way to collect free reading material...on airplanes.) The article has men describing each of these fears and why they fear what they fear. Their categories:

  "The Fear: 'Do I Make Enough Money?'" I guess men really weigh in on their worth, both literally and egoistically. The man writing this content wanted to make sure he could always provide and provide for the future. He also states his jealousies when other men make more money than he does.

   

  "The Obsession: 'What's Wrong With My Lawn?'" Are you kidding me? There was half a page of text written about this obsession. This was the most idiotic section of the article to me. I guess it's that important to a man.

   

  "The Obsession: 'Am I the Best You've Ever Had?'" Yep, they're talking about SEX. This is the infamous question every man asks...or tries to imply by indirect questions leading to this answer. Hello? Women are smart enough to not be with a man if they aren't good enough for their standards. The twist about this category is that men are trying to make the women think that they are pleasers and "selfless" to the women when in actuality, they get off when the women get off, they think that if they are the best, the woman won't be in search of infidelity, and it's a triumph to their egos. Have you ever thought that infidelity usually happens because women aren't satisfied emotionally???????? If you want a woman to stick around, talk to them....Moving on...

   

  "The Fear: 'Will I Get That Old-Guy Gut?'" Enough said. No explanation needed even though there was another half a page of ranting. But I will say that if a woman loves you, they don't care just as men don't really care if a woman has a big ol' booty. Just don't lose your dick in the massiveness of your gut.

   

  "The Anxiety: 'What's Up With All This Body Hair?'" Um, yeah, this was a very valid fear. If you got hair on YO back, wax it!!! They do bring up a good point about how it was more acceptable and masculine to have hair decades ago and now that all of the celebs are hairless, it becomes an issue to fit in but still seems feminine and embarrassing to be talking to your buddies about waxing and shaving all areas, especially the downtown area.

   

  "The Anxiety: 'Do I Have What It Takes To Be A Good Dad?'" This is probably the most respectable fear a man has so I will quote it. "There are two types of dads: the men who are trying to live up to their own fathers, and the types who are trying to be the fathers their own dads weren't."............................................."You see, raising a child is the most important job that a man will ever have in life. Any decent father wants his child to be secure, confident, successful, and happy.  How can you possibly be prepared to face a challenge like that?".............I'm glad to see there are responsible men out there.

   

  "The Anxiety: 'How Am I Doing At Work?'" They explain that nothing, even "a car or a house or even a smokin' girlfriend" amounts to the "ultimate status symbol" than being successful at the job. I think this is a valid anxiety men can have. It builds their self-esteem and feeds their self-worth. A man who makes the competition in a work environment go round is very sexy.

   

  "The Obsession: 'Am I Still Cool?" At first I thought, "seriously?" But really, men ALWAYS want to be "COOL." Every man I've known wants to be hip and suave and everything in between C-O-O-L. I know this because they think that coolness will bring in the ladies. This equates to women and how their level of attractiveness is perceived by men.

   

  "The Fear: 'Am I Going Bald?'" Use some Rogaine. If this doesn't work, a woman who loves you will love you anyway.

   

  "The Obsession: 'How Do I Rank On Google?'" Last and the least bit of problems. It states that men Google each other to see their "evidence of themselves in the world." Who gives a shit? I want a man to make an evidence of greatness in my world. This is called irrational behavior.

  What are your fears, anxieties, and obsessions?

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