411 from Abby's Life -
ok - so since the Christmas season has left a longing or a nagging in my heart i decided to do some research... in the Bible. one verse i came across was 1 thessalonians 2:4 which says something to the matter of we are all accepted by God... and He saw us when we lied to our best friend, or probably shouldnt have done that with those people, or even just snuck a cookie from the cookie jar. but yet He still wanted us. He said come over here i love you, and all we have to do is love Him unconditionally back. Although that seems really easy and i have confessed Jesus as my Savior, I'm not sure if He is my Lord. So i looked Lord up in the dictionary. It is "a man who has mastery*complete control* in a field or activity." Although I love God is He the LORD of my life, does He control EVERYTHING? so i gave this some thought - and i decided on an answer: NO!!! YOU NEED TO WORK ON THIS ALERT! ALERT!
It was a wake up call so i decided again to evaluate my life and this is what i found out:
I'm a perfectionist, who wants everybody to be able to come to me with help when really i dont even have the answer for myself. i can put on a great mask and even fool my best friend in seeing who i really am. thats what hurts the most. but when im confronted with my mind telling me to say something - i fear i will lose my reputation or my popularity, so i just tell myself im ok. i found out im a failure in several areas of my life that i had led myself to believe i was perfect in. and i figured out its ok to fail - it just means you are learning and doing something youve never done before.
So i started reading the Bible, read Psalm 51 where David is talking to God and confessing everything. I think i have memorized that scripture and repeat everyday when i wake up and when i have a moment to sit and think i repeat it it goes like this. "God please give grace, huge in mercy, erase the bad things, scrub out my guilt, soak out my sins, find the truth from the inside out" Thats my version(1-3,6) haha
Thats what i want for myself to be just as i am to be real and for once i can say im getting there - its a long road and i have many many roadblocks. i.e. frustration, management, loving others although i have a huge heart...
those who read this im not trying to brag im trying to gain accountability... i want everyone who reads this to know they aren't the only one struggling and that this is what im doing to help. i know i can't do this by myself and with supporters and encouragement and first and foremost - GOD! i know i can do it!!
i read this somewhere... "People are like stained glass windows, the true beauty can be seen only when there is light from within."
i like this because thats what im striving toward. A beautiful stained glass window that shines bright and beautiful because GOD ORCHESTRATED IT HE DID IT - HE PAINTED IT AND COLORED IT TO THE BEST IT CAN BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYBODY ELSES!
I'm a fraud, im a picture perfect fake, but it only takes realization to start a new you! I'm so excited about what God has in store for me as i continue to be molded into His perfect shape!
Happy New Year!
Abby | 
