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| i need someone to go watch a movie with me...WANNA GO WATCH DARK KNIGHT WITH ME? ANYONE? [:
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| my life.is totally crappy right now..no one understands me...and the only explanations are my tears. no matter how much i tell someone no one gets it. this summer i truly know what it feels like to be lonely and totally independent. family and friends don't really exist right now..only me..and i'm fighting a battle internally. i really don't understand why people are so ignorant. i just want one person to just know everything and just say it's okay. i wish just one person understand how i feel and just empathize with me. but i know for a fact it will never ever happen for sure. because no one gives a crap. everything is just fake. people act like they care but it's not for me...it's really for themselves to make themselves happier. for example my parents? they make me do a lot of things..they say it's for me and my future. it sounds like they really care and it's for me but you know what is really true about all that. In the end they wanna be happy. making me successful will in the end make them happy. make them proud that they really done something for me, their only daughter.. yet who said i needed to be successful to be happy. it may be a factor but i just wanna have a life. i just wish i can do what i enjoy.if i'm satisfied with myself isn't that enough? why do i need other's approval? i really don't know many people will argue with me. i know but people just don't understand how i feel and how unhappy i am. i really don't have anyone. friends? they will never understand. maybee i have one or two friends that will just say it's okay...and understand me completely but that's it...and yet one friend is bazillion miles away. and the other one is like in a completely different situation than me. i don't even know if they know who they are. today i just found out i'm fucked up according to my dad. wow...huh. i ono i guess i am a bit fucked up...]:
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| finally...i have some time to update this thing. wow summers here and the 08's have graduated...and now..im a SENIOR....i've realized a lot about myself now that the last year of high school is approaching me..during my high school years...i've learned to enjoy. enjoy everything. and i learned that true friends are hard to find and the only true friends are the one that are by your side until the very end. i'm very different and i'm pretty mature. i'm serious yet playful..i don't know...my christian life died...hopefully i'll come back...i just got in a car accident..a stupid illegal mexican drunk driver hit a toyota tacoma truck and that truck hit me ]:< ... now i am car-less...my parents are really mad too..mad at the stupid person..i mean hez illegal..might as well not make stupid mistakes like that...his eyes were all red too..i think maybee hez on like other drugs...ill update this entry with the pictures wen i feel like uploading my cam cam. this summer sucks and it will keep being sucky since i really have no choice...
my schedule...
MON-THURS 9-12 calc at gwc and then 2-5 SAT review classes
FRIDAY -pretty much free with like a bunch load of hw..]:
SATURDAY -Tennis 4-7?
SUNDAY -church? tennis 5-7
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| DRAMAthere is way to much drama going on everywhere...yet i feel kinda special cuz' people come to me to talk to me. yet sometimes itz overbearing since i don't know what to say. i try my best to give the best advice i can...but sometimes it's just best to listen. i have friends with different personalities so when they all meet. they sometimes clash..i don't really know how to explain what is really going on...PROM?!?!? is hella stressful. i didn't really even have a chance to find a date. first i felt i didn't need one but now it seems like i do. what happened to all the guys in my life? social life = gone. this one person that used to mean the so much to me left me so what am i supposed to do. whatever anyways i mean dude i'm so nervous about it. what if it's not good you know? i really want the seniors to leave gghs thinking PROM was the best night. [: i really don't care if i don't enjoy it honestly since i have next year but i hope the seniors will like it. i'm seriously going to miss all the seniors in my life right now. i hope they still talk to me after they graduate or i will be very sad. everyone seems to be excited for summer but i'm not. summer is going to be a drag for me..or more crazyness...there is soo much to do...1.calc at gwc 2.SAT classes again 3.asb camp stuff 4.summer school health. 5. tennis. i don't even know if all that can fit in my schedule.i might just give up and not do like half of the stuff on my list. i hope senior year is actually fun. my tummy is hurting. ]:
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| at last......finally...it's coming to a end..this testing crazyyness.. dang. it sucks soo bad. today was the ap psych test. i didn't study but it wasn't too bad. i hope i passed. i'm so sick testing..tomorrow is my last test, ap language (english)...hopefully i don't just give up cuz' im so tired. i need a break. this friday for sure..i'm going on an adventure and rest my little fried brain. i haven't been studying most of the year...and suddenly i'm like review all these ap books just to take the tests. wow it hurts my brain...prom is also another crazy news...i'm in the bookstore selling prom tickets for THREE weeks! oh well. anyways it's like my designated job...after i became dance commissioner last year. prom assembly is like in a week...crazy stuff... we don't really even have anything really...crap...i really hope this prom is good..i want the seniors to have a good one...i know a lot of ppl have been complaining about the invitations but dude...i worked soo hard on them..we weren't even going to have any...and we have really cool favors waiting at prom...i hope seniors will appreciate the work we put into this prom. i'm really going to explode...oi and elections are next week and also battle of the sexes...and duh the girls are better. [; hopefully after all the ap tests my classes are chill. today there was an asb bonding thingy at kirstie yet i didn't go...i can't handle anymore playing around in my life right now. i'm too exhausted...and i really need to look over the rhetoric terms before tomorrow's test. i suck at writing. oh wells.
oh and i've been practicing tennis on the weekends again. i think i'm getting better and better....but all the guys are better then me..i'm still at the bottom of the ladder. and the "big green" run is soo scary...i think i like the competitiveness...i still have a love for tennis somewhere deep in my heart.<3
friday = beach day...<3 wanna join?
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