I wish God would just tell me what to do right now.  I wish like the old days, He would just speak to his people in his voice.  I wish some prophet would tell me what God wants me to do right now.  I don't know which path to take.  I want to follow God but sometimes I don't know where I need to be or what to do.  I'm praying and reading the bible, but I'm not getting a personal message.  Sometimes, this relationship building is frustrating, I fret and get angry and apologize.  Maybe it's His way for me to seek Him more until I get exhausted, until I can't get up so He could lift me up.  I'm looking forward to that day, it would be so sweet.

I went through many trials in my life and it's true when God says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11)

And I could say all my trials have been painful at the time, but when I look back now, it was necessary for me to go through it to make me who I am today.  If I didn't have those trials, I couldn't go through the trials I'm facing today.  The strength I gained through the past trials produced the righteousness and peace to help me go through the pains I'm facing now.

I could also sympathize with those who are going through the similar trials and I know the hope they have because what God has given me after I went through it.  I often tell my friends "just endure and hang on to God, I know it's hard but He will deliver you and give you in abundance....you'll see later....I know."  And I have peace and hope about their situation even though they might feel hopeless, because I trust God and I know what He's going to do.

As I face my new trials in life today, I have to remind myself, 'God is good, He knows what's best for you and He wants what's best for you, so even though you are painful now, feel hopeless at times, just endure and hang on to Him. He will give you in abundance, and later on you could say, It was a good thing I went through that because through that my faith has grown.'

I guess there is something special about a morning prayer.  I realize when God wants me to pray for something, He wakes me up early in the morning.  I think it's the stillness of the early morning that refreshes my soul and draws me closer to God and hear what He has to say.

In Cambodia, I woke up early almost everyday even though my body was sick and exhausted.  God knew I needed to be refreshed in His spirit.  I usually can not sustain myself withour proper amount of sleep even for a day, but God strengthen me for 10 days without a proper sleep.  My prayer was not to collapse for a week.  What a powerful prayer we had in the morning, I thank God for the girls who woke up with me to pray together.

Before I left for Cambodia, my prayer was to have more compassion.  Before, my heart ached for their poverty, suffering, and transgression, but I realize the real compassion is for my heart to ache for their empty souls.  We could feed them, clothe them, wash them, but without Jesus in their lives, they have no hope to live.  I realize what they need is the hope and love of Jesus Christ that would sustain their souls.  Providing for their physical needs are important, but those are temporary. Without the hope of salvation, they will not be able to sustain their lives and save their souls.  Even if we are physically comfortable in our country, without the hope of salvation, we are souls to be pitied.

I remember those restless nights when we prayed for the souls to be saved and His churches to be built up.  I thank God for waking me up early in the morning to intercede for His people and know the true meaning of compassion.

So it took me more than a week to post my experience in Cambodia.  It's been crazy since I got back.  First of all, thank God I survived Cambodia.  I should have gotten that shirt that says "I survived Cambodia" now I know what that means.  It's not just the physical hardship that I experienced, but it was emotionally and spiritually hard as well. 

It was most challenging trip I ever took, but it was so awesome that I was able to see God's power and love among the Cambodians.  It was emotionally difficult seeing the Khmer Rouge concentration camp and the killing field that killed more than 2 million Cambodians.  It's much more profound to visit there than just hearing about it.  I was so overwhelmed when I was stepping on the ground of the killing field.  You could still see the clothes of the victims sticking out of the ground.  I just can't express my feelings.

But I saw the hope.....God loved them and wanted to deliver them from the devastation of their history.  Among the people who accepted Jesus Christ, I saw the hope and joy that brought the brightest smiles on their faces.  When people thought there was no hope, I saw the light shining through the faces of thousands of children.  God wants to raise up the next generation of Cambodia in His light, and He is sending His servants to deliver that light.  I saw so many faithful servants dedicating their lives in Cambodia, and I found encouragement to go on to wherever God sends me.

I still dream about Cambodia, waking up in the middle of the night praying for them.  I'm still remembering and processing what I need to share.  I shared my experience with my co-worker and she told me her life won't be the same.  What a privilege God gave me to share and impact the lives.

I'm going to Cambodia in about two weeks from now, and I need much prayer to prepare myself. (July 23 thru Aug 1)

I don't know what I'm feeling now. I'm excited of witnessing what God is doing, but at the same time, I'm afraid of seeing the reality of Cambodia. I've only heard of poverty, starvation, and sickness in Cambodia, I've only witnessed the devastation of war-torn nation on TV, I've only read about human trafficking and child pornography.  I don't know what I'm going to be witnessing or how I'm going to feel.  I admit that I'm afraid of being in a surrounding that is too foreign to me, and I can't help myself being thankful for not being in that situation.  I see how selfish I am, being glad of my comfort and safety. I guess this is why God is sending me to Cambodia.

We think it would be easy to love the poor people, it would be easy to have compassion on them because they have nothing.....but my fear is not having that love and compassion.  Only way I could love is for Christ to saturate himself in me, that's the only way I could be the light in that dark world.

I ask for my friends and family to pray diligent for me while I'm there.  Pray for God's Spirit to empower me, pray for His healing power, and for His protection on our team.