so the two readers of my xanga have spoken.

and it is their unanimous decision that i should keep updating my xanga.

ok. i will try. : )

but please remember to visit the other site:chinancy. i feel like i will use that more once i start speaking and breathing in chinese. no worries--i will still write in english too !

krause & cvw's wedding reminded me about how important it is to reunite with old friends. there's a verse about it. how does it go...

how good it is for brothers (& sisters) to dwell in unity !
(psalm 133:1)

i do miss my friends. as i miss my family.

but a friend was asking me today what i look forward to the most about going to china. and sure i can say, the great wall ! historic places ! invigorating research ! (ok am i the only one who finds that exciting?) the upcoming olympics ! the opportunity to travel the world !

but honestly, i have to say that what i look forward to the most is simply the freedom.

to be away. to be free of responsibilities, deadlines, work, caring for this or that.

certainly the work will come. and i don't think i can ever be completely free of caring for this or that. but i do think that this is a time to step away from my responsibilities as a student, daughter, sister (at least in distance) and just have the freedom to discover my next step rather than have it be assigned to me by someone/something else.

not to say that i'm not already starting to have dreams that i'll arrive and no one will pick me up at the airport. or that someone will, only he will start to take me to some far away and unfamiliar area (true story from a girl who went last year !) as i am just a silly foreigner with no one to heed my call for help.

but fretful nightmares aside, i am looking forward to the opportunity to explore many unknowns.

in the meantime...i will still travel: dallas, houston, los angeles...oh my !

thanks for your help, guys !  the fulbright bio is on its way towards betterment and on its way torwards submission.

i've decided that i want to live in a city where i don't need to drive.  i will be happy without a car.  public transportation is good.  and besides, i like big cities.  i can't do this nebraska thing forever.  my car is in the shop for two weeks and i kind of don't ever want it back.

i'm teaching a class this summer and it's finally coming to an end.  i had a student call me "professor liu" and it sounded very strange.  lecturing is nice and somehow i've gotten used to talking for 3 hours in front of a group of people.  now i have much more empathy for professors who try to engage their students in discussion. 

i had this one professor and when his questions were repeatedly met with a bored and monotonous silence, he would always default on me and be like, so...

 nancy....what do you think?

anyway with all of the events of this past week, i think i will hide away in my closet this coming sunday.

and i shall stay...

forever 25. :)

the epitome of a displaced people group, sometimes i'm struck by how many native american homeless people there are around here. 

with his dark skin and long, stringy, unkempt hair, sometimes it's easy to confuse him with any big city homeless person who is most likely black or latino.  here it's white or native american.  but you see them and you think back to your old american history textbooks with those black & white or sepia tone pictures with a stoic-looking indian chief staring at you with calm but stern eyes. 

but i would say that there is still a certain stoicism or poise to the native americans here.  yesterday i watched a native american homeless guy stagger into the coffee shop and plop down next to this white college student hacking away at the keys on his laptop.

"excuse me, excuse me," he said quickly and nervously. "you can't sit here.  it's taken.  i'm studying for my test.  i really have to study hard.  it's a big test tomorrow. you have to move.  you have to move."

he just stared at him intently for a few seconds and then got up.  ultimately he went and bought a sandwich and plopped down between me and this other guy sitting nearby.  he even offered part of his sandwich to the other guy, which i thought was kind of nice.  ultimately that other guy got up and moved somewhere else.  he just sat there munching on his sandwich and then he left.

i remember back in an existentialism class i took in college, we were talking about how while homeless people have no physical home, they also have no place in society either.  people ignore them and they become  these kind soul-less ghosts walking around that everyone wishes would just disappear.  and since they don't disappear, people just do their best to make them invisible by ignoring them.

* * *

anyway on that happy note, at the same coffee shop, this guy came up to me to ask if i was japanese.  later i took my friend to a korean restaurant and the same guy was our waiter.  lincoln is much too small.  anyway i'm not sure why people think i'm japanese.  my teeth are okay (haha jk !)  maybe next time i will just have to leave my samurai sword at home. :]

ok off to new york tomorrow !