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Name: Luke
Country: United States
State: Oklahoma
Metro: Owasso
Birthday: 12/7/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Cars, girls, girls and cars, girls who like cars, drifting, writeing, people watching, & doing nothing. The reason why I put my occupation as an artist is because I considder what i do to be an art... a very hard to master one at that.
Expertise: Painting cars, fixing cars, flirting, heart breaking ( i wish I were not so good at that ), writeing poetry... Painting, auto graphics, making something ugly beautiful.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Yahoo:  pnkdude711
Member Since:
7/18/2005
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| Well, it's been a while... What's new?Wow... alot has happened in the last couple of weeks. It's been interesting, to say the least. I sold my car...  I miss it. But I needed to get rid of it. sorta... I dunno. Work is good... life is generally good right now. The TV thing is still up in the air... I don't really feel like saying much... Ummm... Leave me a comment if you'd like to talk to me... | | |
| Everything will be alright... Or so i keep telling myself.I feel i'm about to have an emotional breakdown. I keep telling myself, in a thus far vain attempt to comfort myself that everythig will be alright. Sure, in time i am sure everything truly will be alright but why not now? I'm an honest hard working, considerate, loving, and truthful person. Why shouldn't i be happy? Why shouldn't i get a break here and there? Two years ago, i gave something to someone. I gave that person everything i had to give untill i couldn't give anymore. She took it all without blinking. Some times i feel like i got ripped off tho. Why? I dunno... But basically i think it's because i never got half of what i gave back in return. I'm not saying i was or am perfect, i screwed up plenty but... You know, i don't really know where i'm going with this. All i know is i am in love with someone that i fear will never love me in return. You know how much that sucks? You know how much pain that can cause? It's is unbearable! But still, here i am... Still hopelessly in love. | | |
| *deepest sigh i've ever taken*... a sigh of dissapointment frustration, and confusion. All of which feelings are caused by one sigile emotion i feel, that is so powerful not even a life time of pain and heartache can make me forget. That one desperate, clinging, life giving and life taking emotion. LOVE...
"Down"
The drops of rain they fall all over
This awkward silence makes me crazy
The glow inside burns light upon her
I'll try to kiss you if you let me
(this can't be the end)
Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad
Down down down down [x4]
It gets me so
Down down down down [x4]
It gets me so
Your vows of silence fall all over
The look in your eyes makes me crazy
I feel the darkness break upon her
I'll take you over if you let me
(You did this)
Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad.
Down down down down [x4]
It gets me so
Down down down down [x4]
It gets me so
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| Hello all... How's life been treating you? Good i hope. Things have been descent for myself. Not alot has happened since my last entry. Well, i'm sure alot has but none of it i really remember or care to mention. I've been doing alot of self observation lately... Trying to find my groove again. It's interesting, the things you find when you take a look at yourself. Sometimes it's scarry tho. I've scared myself alot here lately with some things i've been doing or have done. None of it would really be considered bad in most peoples eyes, but in my own and in the few people that truly know me, it isn't me. The things i am doing or have done or even thought about doing just isn't me. I'm kinder, more caring, more thoughtful and loving than i have been as of late.. Well, as of the last year... But i'm working on that. | | |
| What is the point in rebuilding a bridge you helped burn down? Burning it again?Well, I haven't posted in a while... and for good reasons. But now I think I am ready. This will probably be my last post. I haven't decided what I'm gonna do with this thing yet but I'm pretty sure it wont be here much longer.
Well, things are finally winding down with Amanda and I... part of me wants to thank God for that and the other wants to curse him. I don't know now why I ever claimed to love that girl... She was good to me at the begining, sweet, honest, gentel, careing... but now she... well, I don't know what she is. There are a hand full of things that I could maybe call her but... I will not. I still love her deep inside and I cannot hide, fight nor denie those emotions. She will have my heart for a long time... but at the rate she is going, it'll be nothing but a lump of tar by the time I get it back.
About 5 minutes ago I had a hand full of stuff to say, now I'm a blank slate... Actually I'm more like a over loaded chalk board... I just don't know where to start...
My love for Amanda is undieing... but fading. If that makes sense. But I can't allow myself to be part of her life anymore... It's not that I don't want to be, it's just that I'm scared to be and it will not help me at all in any aspect, I do belive. This may sound harsh, but it is the truth. I don't mean to cause anyone pain, provoke hatered or anger... so please just head me out.
I will admit that over the last two years I have done some messed up stuff, there is no denieing it, but the things I have done do not add up to what has been done to me. But I guess I can't really be the judge of that, no one can. All that is left for me to do now is turn and walk, no, run away. She seems to be happy now, so maybe I can find solace in that... and here soon I will find happiness again myself. I now know that hapiness cannot be found in someone else, I am the only person that can make myself happy. And that works for anyone else... You are the only one that can make yourself happy. If you try and let someone else do it for you... You'll never be happy. So, I'm moving on... I'm going to make myself happy. For the last 2+ years I have been sacrificing everything I had to make people happy and I'm sick of it. I've gotten nothing in return except for two good friends and an enormous amount of heartbreak... but in the long run, I think that I've truely gained more than I've lost.
Kevin, Cody... You guys are the best brothers anyone could ask for. Thank you for being my backup for times like now... I don't know where I'd be without you guys. One of the biggest mistakes I made in the 2 years was putting you guys on the back burner. That was an enormous fuck up on my behalf. I'm sorry... I should have never moved out.
Amanda... Thank you for the last 2 years as well. I have learned ALOT. Almost too much for my mind to process. But thank you anyways. You were a good girl... And I'm sorry for all the thing I have done to you in the past. But now I must look away and start paying attention to my own life. I hope that one day you can forgive me for everything... But that's up to you.
That is all I really have to say, maybe I'll come up with some more but I don't think I'll bother writeing it on here. I'm sure all of you are sick of hearing me gripe about my problems so I'll give you all a break. lol...
Goodbye for now...
Some Dude,
Luke
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