i doubt anyone evn goes to this anymore.. and why would someone? i havnt written in like.... ages. okay. so i could probaly write in this thing and no one would read it. i cant stand springfeild. i cant take the people who go there anymore. everyone has thier own little cliqueies and shun "outsiders". outsider. i guess that is kinda what i am... without naming names i will go through everyone who has hurt me in the past month.
well first there is ******. what she said about me on myspace really hurt me, despite what she thinks. i know she wants to make up with me, but i cant take this shit right now, soi havnt really been talking to her.
then of course there is ******. she, on the other hand, wont talk to me. finnally i got the nerve to ask her what was wrong and she said that all these little things have added up and she is surpirsed that she lasted this long. how can i apologize if i dont know what i did. she just... i dont know. i want to apologise so i can be on good terms with her. she has been my best friend since kindergarten. and its not like she hasnt hurt me. she hasnt been the easiest person to be best friends with. i think i excluded her. i think thats why she's been mad. but she excludes me too. i mean, i dont thinks he relizes how much it hurst me when she only hangs out with ***** and tyhey dont incluyde me and then they have all these inside jjokes and then when i do hang out with them, all the do is make fun of me. it was funny in the beggining, but really, its so childish and when i cant talk to my friends cause thier too busy making jokes about me, that sucks. not that it is really this person who makes fun of me the most. but she does do her fair share of it. with friends like that who needs enemies.
then, of corse, there is ******. bitch. i cant take her shit anymore. i mean, could she get anymore cockey? "im sooo hot" "everyone loves me" whatever bitch, cool it, just cause one stupid boy likes you dosnt mean your the prettiest, best girl in the school. even if you are really pretty. guess thats kinda my jelousy, but really man, stop flipping your hair and making stupid comments, youre not funny. and stop frigging making fun of me. i dont think that is funny either.
ah *****. you know i love you. surpirisngly, you of all people aren't annoying me much. maybe it's because i havnt seen you lately. all the shit you used to pull, you dont do anymore, as much. although, about the whole ****** thing, you are being completly ridiculous. why would you still like a guy who has blown you off 5 times? get real. he just whats to get in, get out. he dosnt like you for you. learn to trust me and ***** over some ass hole guy.
moving on. i really like ****** and ******. but it seems ****** is taking them over. i hate how people have to have thier little groups and then they exclude evryone else and then laugh and talk at lunch about all the good times they have had over the weekend. not that i dont do that. cause i know i do. and for people who do it, i can relate. it does feel good when your in onm somthing not everyone knows about. i guess im just jelous about this too. i mean, i just want to be friends with everyone. is that a crime? i guess i should just gicve up. obviously, im not gonna be able to friends with ***** and ***** without being ambushed by ******... sigh.
i guess everything i just wrote is pointless and stupid but i had to get it off my chest. not that anyone is going to read this anyway. i mean, its a little bit ridiculous to tell all this online. whatever.
drama
drama
drama.
so today, as i beforementioned, i was not in school today. i fucking hate being there. i cant keep up the happy act anymore. i think i need to confront people with my worries. noit that ******* will understand. i've tried confronting her before. that didnt work... **** mentioned the other day that i was in a really good mood. you know why that is? at the time i didnt realize i was in unusually good spirits but i think it was because the weekend before i hung out with ****** and ****** and then i got a messege on my myspace saying that it was really funa dnt hat we should do it again. and i must agree. it was really fun. i suppose that is why i was in good spirts...
sigh.
last night i thought about all and decided to talk to my mom abiut not going to school. i explained to her my problem, the fact that i fucking hate people, and she agreed to let me take a personal day. iw ent upstairds and got into bed and my dad flipped out at me for stay up too late. he said that tormrrow i better jump out of bed. i told him i was going to take a personal day. that amde him furious. he started yelling and... then i completly flipped out. it hink i had a mental breakdown.
i cried for 5 and a half hours, untill i fell into an exhausted sleep.i guess that sounds kinda dorky and a little bit ocveremotional, but im telling you, i just couldnt get everything out of my head. everytime i calmed myslef down, i started hypervenalating because i couldnt get my breathing normal, then i felt the overwhelming naeusious feeling and thought about somthing else that made me upset. this went on and on untill i must have fallen asleep.
so.. yeah..
i guess that is it. | 
