Why do people act this way?

 Okay. I have epilepsy. big deal. A few days ago I had oral surgery and I had 7 wisdom teeth out. Yup 7. Somehow I had acquired an extra set and when I was in surgery the doctor found another one hidden behind one of my extra teeth that didn't show up on the X-ray. I was under 3 anaesthetics. 1st one was nitrous oxide- laughing gas to basically stone me out. 2nd was the general anaesthetic- the one to knock me out completely. 3rd was a local anaesthetic to numb where the doctor was cutting- it might've been novocane but I don't know. The doctor took precautions, kept me monitored, even got clearance from my neurologist to give me the anaesthetics. BUT I am always at a higher risk to have a seizure right after being anaesthesized. Plus I had taken 3 pretty strong pain pills. Now, I had taken my medication that morning, but it's not the magic pill and I still had a seizure- tonic clonic- the kind where you make a strange noise such as a shriek or gasp, your eyes roll back, lose conciousness and then fall on the floor shaking like crazy, stop breathing for a bit, bite your tongue, etc. (btw, I have no recollection of any of this) My mom called 911 and I had to go to the hospital in an ambulance but luckily she caught me so I didn't have to be on a backboard with a neckbrace or get cat scans and more xrays at the hospital. This one lasted less than a minute and I didn't turn blue- MUCH milder than in August and October, which lasted 10-15 minutes each, and I had fallen on tile both times. A couple days later, my dad bumped in to a family friend at the store. She asked how I was- I had the October seizure in her house. My dad told her that I had surgery and a seizure, but the seizure was because of the anaesthesia- my neurologist CONFIRMED IT. Now, I babysat for this 'friend' for a little more than 3 years, and she used to live across the street but then they moved, and now I don't get to see them as often. And I can understand that she doesn't want me to babysit for her much anymore that I'm not right across the street and I'm sorry I had a seizure in her house, but there is NOTHING anyone can do if I get that headache to prevent a seizure from happening. Believe me, I'VE TRIED. And I know that she's not the type of person who just doesn't need a babysitter for several months. I don't mind not babysitting for her, but after I had a seizure in her house, she didn't even speak to me for several months. Now, from that, it's pretty obvious she has a problem with me having epilepsy. I'm sorry my neurological condition is inconvenient for her, but if she has a problem with it, she needs to deal with it or I don't think I we need to be friends.

I doubt that anyone reads this...if anyone does-- I've got a facebook now... once I figure out how to use it I'll poke you!

C'est la vie

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog And thats what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo And he let them sing on the bus And his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair And his mother and father kissed a lot And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine and signed with a row of X's and he had to ask his father what the X's meant And his father always tucked him in bed at night And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season And that's what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars And left butts on the pews And sometimes they would burn holes That was the year his siter got glasses with thick lenses and black frames And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot And his father never tucked him in bed at night And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it

Once on a piece of paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem And he called it "Innocence: A Question" because that was the question about his girl And that's what it was all about And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her That was the year that Father Tracy died And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went And he caught his sister making out on the back porch And his mother and father never kissed or even talked And the little girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do And at three A.M he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem And he called it "Absolutely Nothing" Because that's what it was really all about And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen

To Life:

Why?

Eternally,

Maddie

Currently Reading Macbeth (Folger Shakespeare Library) By William Shakespeare see related

This is an awsm song... I wonder if there will be schol tomorrow.. probably so. the streets look pretty good

Muñeca De Trapo- La Oreja De Van Gogh

Como esos cuadros que aun estan por colgar,  Like the pictures still to hang
como el mantel de la cena de ayer.                   Like the tablecloth from dinner yesterday 
Siempre esperando que te diga algo mas          Always hoping to tell you something more
y mis sentidas palabras no quieren volar.          But my felt words don't want to fly.

Lo nunca dicho se disuelve en te,                     What is never said dissolves in you 
como el infiel dice “nunca lo haré”.                   Like the unfaithful says "I'll never do it"
Siento que estoy en una carcel de amor,           I feel like I'm in a carcel of love (idk what carcel is)
me olivdarás si no firmo mi declaración.            You'll forget me if I don't sign my statement

Me abrazaría al diablo sin dudar                       I would embrace the devil without doubt
Por ver tu cara al escucharme hablar.               To see your face listen to me speak
Eres todo lo que mas quiero                             You're all that I love most
Pero te pierdo en mi silencios.                           But I lose you in my silence
Mis ojos son dos cruces negras                         My eyes are two black crosses  
Que no han hablado nunca claro.                      That have said nothing clear
Mi corazón lleno de pena                                  My heart is full of grief
Y yo muñeca de trapo                                      And I'm a rag doll

Cada silencio es un humilde quedar                     Each silence is humble to stay 
detrás de mi sin parar de llorar.                           Behind me with endless crying
Quiero contarte lo que siento por ti                     I want to tell you what I feel for you  
que lo escuchara la luna de enero mirandote a ti  That I would listen to January's moon looking at you

Me abrazaría al diablo sin dudar                      
Por ver tu cara al escucharme hablar.
Eres todo lo que mas quiero
Pero te pierdo en mi silencios.
Mis ojos son dos cruces negras
Que no han hablado nunca claro.
Mi corazón lleno de pena
Y yo muñeca de trapo

No tengo miedo al fuego eterno                      I'm not afraid of the eternal fire
tampoco a sus cuentos amargos                      or your bitter stories 
pero el silencio es algo frio                              but silence is cold
y mis inviernos son muy largos.                       and my winters are very long   
Y a tu regreso estaré lejos                              And when you return I'll be far away 
entre los versos de algún tango.                      Between the verses of some tango
Porque este corazón sincero                           Because this sincere heart
juro ser muñeca de trapo.                               Swears to be a rag doll

that was fun

Currently Reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky see related

HOOAH!