Well it has been quite a semester! I have had so many ups and downs, and God has continued to show Himself to me! I am always awestruck at how good He is to me even though I continually disobey. My semester started out w/ a bang, I went to Hawaii! what a trip, I came back reenergized and ready to be at school. School was going well and as i wrote in a previous entry I began to like a girl at Criswell named Ginger. It was a great time w/ her even though it only lasted a month or so, it was a great learning experience. I feel as though I have let ginger down, like I disgraced her as a woman. That was not my intent going into the relationship, I was genuinely getting into to try and work towards something. I feel like I just wasted it though, I didn't do my part as a guy and I'm truly sorry for what happened. My intent was to never, ever hurt ginger, I wanted to steer far from that, but I ended up doing that. If only she could know that I made dumb decisions and was selfish during that time, I believe she would understand that I wasn't ready for her yet. Like I said I learned a lot, looking back now, I feel as though whoever it will be next that i date, will be different. i will do better and understand my role better. I felt as though i let too much get in the way of the relationship, my family and school, I feel like just hiding in a corner sometimes and getting away from it all and just enjoying the presence of the Lord. He is my rock and I will cling to Him, no matter what! I just want ginger to know that I want a friendship, but I want to be sensitive to her as well, and give her space, I wish her nothing but the best in the future as she graduates and moves on, and I truly hope she gets a man that she deserves. So the semester continues to wind down and summer is right around the corner. I hope that the summer brings great things and I know the Lord is going to move! I am so excited about everything coming up, God has enormous plans for everything. I trust He has a great plan and that He is in control of it all! Praise you father for what you have done for me, thank you for your grace, I need it so dearly.

Well hello again! It seems as though i haven't blogged in a long time, I have been very busy. I just got back from Hawaii today from a week long vacation, and man what a trip it was! I suppose I had only seen pics of what Hawaii would seem like but the moment I stepped off the plane I felt as though i was in another world. It was so tropical and amazing, besides women I was truly seeing God's greatest creation, It was so amazing to me to see such a vast array of scenery and think that it could have been something else that created it. Watching the sunsets touch the mighty pacific and flash green through the sky was surreal. I also got to do a lot of thinking while on this trip. This next line is gonna sound stupid but I had a dream that phatsax, a good friend of mine told me I had to marry jessica, one of her friends i mentioned in previous notes. Now I do not in anyway rely on what dreams can show or think they have any value towards what God wants you to do, but Jessica just keeps coming up. It's like every where I turn someone is cracking a joke about us having to get married or just saying something about her to me. I know it's not God's timing right now so I am continuing my patience in this situation, it is hard though. There are time s when i want a G/F so bad but realize I still have so much growing to do, which brings me to this. I have been struggling with a certain sin recently, like everyday. I can't seem to stop doing it, I know this is God testing my strength and trust in, and I know I need to fully rely in Him for redemption. it seems as though i et stronger everyday at fighting the urge to partake of this sin, and then I end up blowing it big time in one day. God I know that you are strong in my weakness and you can handle what I can't, so father take my burdens as I come with boldness to the through of grace. I trust you have a plan for everything, wether it be the G/F situation or this sin i struggle with, your will is perfect father and I accept it, and trust no matter the outcome that You have a great plan for, Thank you father for your blessing and what an honor it is to speak with you on a daily basis, let me not take it for granite.
Amen

Hello again! It has been a great last few days, and it's going to a hectic next few. I am leaving to drive back to texas on Friday, so I have just been packing and getting every thing ready for that. I'm very excited about going back, seeing everybody again and me and a few friends are getting our band finally started up and were going to play a gig on the weekend before school so that is very exciting! So recently my mom's business hasn't really been doing well at all, in fact she hasn't had a sale since august, so it's really on the decline, and with my dad being so sick we have been really been on the short side of having money, but God has been so good to us, providing for us in ways we could never have imagined! He has an incredible way of doing that, He is great no matter our situation. We are called to praise Him no matter what our situation is. It's is very hard, but death or life, rich or poor, I will praise you Lord! That's what brings me to tonight, I was doing my quiet time and right now I'm reading in Psalms, and I absolutely love them I mean you could read them 100 times and get something new each time. So i was reading and read Psalm 104, "Bless the LORD, O my soul! O LORD my God, You are very great; You are clothed with splendor and majesty,
Covering Yourself with light as with a cloak, Stretching out heaven like a {tent} curtain. He lays the beams of His upper chambers in the waters; He makes the clouds His chariot; He walks upon the wings of the wind; He makes the winds His messengers, Flaming fire His ministers. He established the earth upon its foundations, So that it will not totter forever and ever. You covered it with the deep as with a garment; The waters were standing above the mountains. At Your rebuke they fled, At the sound of Your thunder they hurried away. The mountains rose; the valleys sank down To the place which You established for them. You set a boundary that they may not pass over, So that they will not return to cover the earth. He sends forth springs in the valleys; They flow between the mountains; They give drink to every beast of the field; The wild donkeys quench their thirst. Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; They lift up {their} voices among the branches. He waters the mountains from His upper chambers; The earth is satisfied with the fruit of His works. He causes the grass to grow for the cattle, And vegetation for the labor of man, So that he may bring forth food from the earth, And wine which makes man's heart glad, So that he may make {his} face glisten with oil, And food which sustains man's heart. The trees of the LORD drink their fill, The cedars of Lebanon which He planted, Where the birds build their nests, {And} the stork, whose home is the fir trees. The high mountains are for the wild goats; The cliffs are a refuge for the Shephanim. He made the moon for the seasons; The sun knows the place of its setting. You appoint darkness and it becomes night, In which all the beasts of the forest prowl about. The young lions roar after their prey And seek their food from God. {When} the sun rises they withdraw And lie down in their dens. Man goes forth to his work And to his labor until evening. O LORD, how many are Your works! In wisdom You have made them all; The earth is full of Your possessions. There is the sea, great and broad, In which are swarms without number, Animals both small and great. There the ships move along, {And} Leviathan, which You have formed to sport in it. They all wait for You To give them their food in due season. You give to them, they gather {it} up; You open Your hand, they are satisfied with good. You hide Your face, they are dismayed; You take away their spirit, they expire And return to their dust. You send forth Your Spirit, they are created; And You renew the face of the ground. Let the glory of the LORD endure forever; Let the LORD be glad in His works; He looks at the earth, and it trembles; He touches the mountains, and they smoke. I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; As for me, I shall be glad in the LORD. Let sinners be consumed from the earth And let the wicked be no more. Bless the LORD, O my soul. Praise the LORD!" I read that and just sat back and said, wow God you are have full control over everything, you grow the grass the cattle need to eat, it's like in Matthew where it says, "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" it's so encouraging to know that God cares enough about the things of the earth, but cares even more about me, that He would give it all, His life as a man to serve me! Thank you father for your righteous right arm and your mercy. God forgive me when I sin knowing grace may abound, I'm sick of selfishness, and pride God. I am nothing in your presences, I want holiness, and purity. You call me to be perfect as you are perfect in matthew 5. I want to be perfect as you are perfect God! Your ways are higher than mine and your thoughts greater than mine! I want to be your servant God and love you with all my heart, forgive me when I don't love you as I should, you are worthy in life or death, I will praise you no matter what God, even if I lose my life for you, I want to lose it for you, because no other cause is worthy of your calling or to lay my life down for. I love you lord and give my life daily to your hands for your work and glory!!