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zachxcore
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Name: Zach
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Columbus
Birthday: 2/11/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: God, music, literature, sucking at skateboarding, playing in various bands using instruments such as (but not limited to) the following... voice, guitar, piano, jazz flute. i enjoy watching movies more than the average person but not as much as Ebert and Roper, i suck at putt putt golf but i enjoy it. i will probably destroy you in halo 2. basketball is also fun. Homestar Runner makes me smile and laugh to the point that it hurts sometimes... okay thats all. bye.
Expertise: music, politics, laziness
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  xyzachxcorex
MSN: setsthingsonfire@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  stellarsmack
Member Since:
5/16/2005
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and he's wondering what love is
and why it has to end
and he can't understand
how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
heaven's not a place that you go when you die
its that moment in life where you actually feel alive
so live for the moment
and take this advice
live by every word
love is just a hoax
so forget everything that you have heard
and live for the moment
i guess i had a lot of things i wanted to say
now i'm too tired to say anything
i miss myself
i miss not having walls built around me
i miss being able to be who i was
but everytime someone penetrates these walls
walls once made of glass
then sticks and straws
then bricks
now iron and metal
these walls get torn down
and i rebuild them even stronger
i miss not having these walls...
who i was back in late high school
junior year/senior year
i let everyone in... trusting anything
i had no problems with who i was
i want to spend more time with those who i was closest with at that time
matt, kyle, irwin
i want to do shit like the old days
where things didn't matter
and i could exist without so much anxiety for the next day
i'm always fearing tomorrow
and i don't know why
i remember one night you came down to columbus this fall
mildly intoxicated over at kyles
we went back to my house to watch a movie
but you were having a hard time keeping your eyes on the tv
we were lying in my floor in my apartment
you looking up at me
and i saw what i'd been missing
the one i've been missing since the last fall
you were back
you let me be myself again
we had our first cliche date that week
mexican food and toys r'us
fish tanks and saw 3
and that night...
my room, my bed
your lips, my lips
you were killing me...
do you remember when the tide came in
and swept us away and brought us to this place
where I fell in love?
so we haven't spoken in a few weeks now
and i guess i'm moving on
it doesn't mean i'm over you
i still need a little closure as to why we ended up this way
because i did the best i could
and other people suffer from my inability to let anyone get close
and it's not fair to them
but this wasn't fair to me
look in my eyes
you're killing me
killing me
all i wanted was you
tell me you hate me
tell me you don't want to see me
tell me my best was never good enough
make it my fault
i can deal with it better that way
i loved you the best that i could...
your words:
we
can only have experiences, and see if they fit what WE decided is love.
As for where you fit, if i have to define love, there would be pictures
of you and i at the falls, there would be spill canvas songs playing in
the background, there would be all of the moments that i have sealed
inside of me, that i can't ever seem to express, but kind of don't want
to because they are mine...and they are beautiful, and you gave them to
me. They came from you. all the good things in my life, all my deep
feelings and vivid emotions are usually tied to something you have done
to awaken them. you flow through me. you have embedded yourself inside
of me, and i can never cast you out, and i don't want to because it
means i lose something beautiful and brilliant...
i
just want to keep experiencing these feeling when i am with you. I want
to have endless numbered days with you were we find new places and just
exist with one another because i am finding that it is those times i am
the most happy. When i exist with you. Not when we are a "something" as
the world would classify us. When we just are....
"i'm going nowhere
i'm right here
waiting to exist with you
i jump when you jump
so what are we waiting for?"
The quivering liquids in your stomach
Will eat away at the bad habits that have made you
A real character in the story of your now distant life
Goodnight and goodbye, quickly, quickly
Goodbyes are said and roses thrown
And the crowd starts to weep
But the irony of the story is when I fell to my knees
And began clawing at the dirt in front of the tombstone
Of my bashful childhood
With you by my side, you're screaming at the
Top of your lungs, "let it go"
And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
"The ceremony was not proper, there was not enough people,
And who picked the music?
Those melodies almost made me physically sick"
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance
Tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
Tell me would you die for me too?
please at least give me some closure
please at least speak to me
"i hope you never forget the tapping at your window......." |
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| MYxSPACE!!ladies and gentlemen.
after many attempted xanga quittings.
this is the final. and i'll tell you why.
i really dont use it anymore. no one i know really uses it anymore.
like a good LiveJournal... xanga has died.
what does that mean to my faithful readers????
www.myspace.com/zachxcore
that will be my official blog updating
so if you still wanna read. read my myspace blog.
myspace is the new xanga. only better. so i leave you with a farewell
and all my messed up memories to look back on.
yep. thats it. so. later.
you'll prolly get an update in a few months. just to keep you alive.
but as for now.
xanga.
done.
go myspace.
zach
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| "If you're going to leave, and move out to California...i think i'll stay here..."
so i wrote the song "California" last year after what seemed to be a good relationship (if you could call it a relationship), completely just disappearing. and the song wasn't just about that one in particular. it was kind of a catch-all response to all of my failed relationships since i've started college. the ones that start out, look like they're heading somewhere, and for one reason or another, these people just disappear from my life completely. after 2 years of this, i'm pretty sure i'm ready for a chance to have something that i dont have to worry about completely f'ing my head into the ground with the same old thing over and over and over and over and over again.
i completely fear the chances of anything good happening to me
i don't believe in it anymore.
i suck at meeting people.
i'm afraid to talk to people.
i hesitate to act on or even speak about how i feel.
because the past has told me over and over and over and over and over again
that every time i do.
people leave
people disappear from my life.
i can count 7.
7 in the past 2ish years.
we become friends,
we talk, we get close.
i trust.
and somehow
for whatever reason.
we just stop talking.
or we fight about nothing.
or i say how i feel and get pushed out of their lives completely.
fuck it.
i'm not into that.
i never was.
i don't do well with flings.
i've had too many.
too many 2 week "relationships" that fall apart before they even start
is it me?
is it them?
do i attract the fucked up?
the desparate for attention?
the "i just got out of a relationship so i'm going to take advantage of being single?"
the "i just make out for recreational purposes so if we do this for a couple of weeks and you develop feelings for me i'm not going to talk to you for a whole summer?"
the "i'm going to make it seem like we're dating for a whole entire amazing month until i tell you that i've had a boyfriend for over a year?"
listen. i'm not trying to get married.
i'm not trying to get into anyones pants.
i just want something different from all of this.
i've done this for far too long. and its not like this was my goal in the first place.
since high school has started...
i've kissed/made out with 26 girls. (only 3 of which i could call my "girlfriend)
those 3 i had made out with again somewhere down the road far far past our actual relationship
messed around with a handful of those 26
slept with 2. (one of which i knew for about a day and a half, no, not good my friends)
and no, i'm not too proud of these things.
only one of those 3 actual relationships has lasted longer than a month and a half.
only 2 could i actually say i truely "loved"
whats that say about me.
not a lot of good.
i'm a master at failed relationships
i'm trying tho.
i know sometimes its me.
i know sometimes its not me.
i dunno my point of this post
i'm just reflecting on things
trying to figure them out.
i don't always do the best.
but i'm trying my best.
i don't need something out of the movies
i just want something normal
something i can rely on
something thats not going to force me to put up more walls
something thats not going to break me to the point that i'm afraid to speak
afraid to be vulnerable
because its a good feeling and its a scary feeling
and everytime, i feel more afraid than i feel good
i'm afraid that if this pattern keeps up
i'll be done for
i dont want to be afraid to trust anyone
i dont want to be afraid to let myself be vulnerable again
everytime i take that risk, i regret it
and my wall build stronger, taller, thicker
i dont want them to be inpenetrable
but they're getting there
and thats what i'm afraid of the most.
thanks for listening/caring/giving a damn
i love you
zach
California- by me
so what were we thinking
that all this could turn out right
you dont even know how
how good it was just to see you tonight
i wish i could kiss you
the way that i used to
but all of this must mean that i need this
more than you
but if you want to leave
and move out to California
maybe theres a better life
better in LA
but if you're going to leave
and move out to California
i think i'll stay here
i dont even know why
this fell in our faces
a comfort thats all but wrong
and a summer cashed like cigarette ash
three weeks from sunday
was more than enough to
to tell you i've lost you to the deepness of all my fear
but if you're wanna leave
and move out for California
maybe theres a better life
better in LA
but if you're going to leave
and move out to California
i think i'll stay here
maybe i'll just stay here
hell i'll just stay here
with anyone but you
anyone but you
anyone but you...
well tonight is the last time
the last night i will wear my heart on my sleeve
so if you are the last one
well shouldnt you feel so guilty....
no, anyone but you...
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