A Lolita's Rant

Saturday, October 04, 2008

  • Unexpected Laughter

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    haha ok back from my somewhat hiatus =P

    well you can't really expect me to diligently write stuff down about my day to day happenings every single day...

    I am one of the laziest people you'll ever meet after all.

    So! On with our story today...Junana's parteh!!!

    I'm gonna say it now...I didn't expect to have that much fun! I apologize for prejudicing it prior to the event...

    I kinda resent that I bought such a cheap gift...originally, I planned to not to spend too much because I was only gifting for the sake of courtesy, but now I kinda regret having done so. Junana deserved better. Plus, it was quite embarassing when the "present time" --as her lovely aunt referred to the gift-opening part -- came. Everyone else bought such expensive looking (though not really) gifts. Branded wallet, a purse, a bag, bath accessories, photo album, journal, photo clip thingy, awesome pencil case, earrings, clothes, lots of candies, and make-up sets. And yet, guess what I got her.... a small bag of Purdy's chocolate pretzels and a dollar-store bought birthday card ^^". She commented "oh! Purdy's!"... "ok nice card" ....I feel so cheap DX

    Heh..kay. That's that. More on the happy parts. It's such a kiddy party I love it! Not like those crazy teen sweet 16 birtday party you see in TV. We played pin...well more like tape the tail on the donkey, musical chairs, cherades, and toy bowling. Haha it was like revisting those old days XD. Fun! Fun! Fun!

    Such a horrid day outside though. Wendy said it was a bad omen [on the contrary though, the day turned out pretty well]. Ugly ugly sky. All dark and gloomy. Raining. And wind blowing like crazy. Plus, we had to wait outside for a good 5 mins. coz the buzzer won't work D=. Just when the weather decided to spin out the hardest winds of the day. Yah our hair ruined, our pants soaked, and the tissue papers in our gifties are ALREADY soaked ^^". Later, she told us something along the lines of the faxmachine wouldn't buzz us in and open the door. How we got in? An old lady came and unlocked the door. We grabbed it open and went in ^^. Oh yah there were funny arrows and balloons directing us where to go. Haha it was a big apartment building. Has a pool, a gym, a court, and public washrooms and all. Not to mention the hall where the party was held. It had a piano inside. Wendy played a couple of pretty songs...like my favourite --Babar's opening song =3.

    I found the arrows and balloons funny =D. At the end of the day, I scrambled up the arrows pointing to different directions (e.g. up to the ceiling XD).

    The birthday girl was dressed in this vibrant red semi-formal dress with a tiara on top. I sorta liked the dress. So much balloonies! =D and the ceiling looked so festive with all the colourful streamers.  Junana's brother stalked us all with his camera. He acted like a mini ravi. Daniel = mini Ravi.

    I drew faces on the balloons. There was Chip whom I left in the care of Junana. And there's this really cute one I have yet to name ^^. Zoe told us about her parents' stunning revelation that she and her brother were supposed to have a younger sibling. Except she had a miscarriage through bad food 0.0. Oh and J9 did the craziest thing today as I heard the loudest and really frantic scream I've ever heard in a long time. J9 hid in the public washroom. Then when Oddball opened the door, J9 jumped us and said boo or something...but it was most probably her infamous "HI!!!". But yah it had Oddball screaming like those people in horror movies. "AAAAAAHHH!!!". The people upstairs who were having conversations at the time, glared us down from the staircase D=.

    Food. Hehe when we first got there, Junana's aunt had to persuade us for quite a while to eat. And whenever food was mentioned they all go "Zam" "Zammy?" "Zam!"...mehehhe... what can I say...I like food =D. Food was good. Jam tarts, cheese, mini sausages, pizza, cake, and of course water. Everyone else drank pop. I don't like pop ^^". Her aunt was like "Zaaammm, you can drink better than that"..mehehhe... I'm sticking with my wahtah. I'm still full right this second.

    Guests. Me, myself and I. Oddball. J9 of course. Wendy. Zoe. Jennifer. Rebecca. Rachel. Angela and another Rachel --they're from another school. Ivy her [Junana's] cousin. Daniel her brother. Little boy whose name is unknown, I'm guessing Ivy's little brother. Another cousin of hers. Two aunts or was the other one her mom? Her dad [or so I assume he is]. And her grandpa. Her aunt, the one who urged us with the food is funny =]. Very lively and friendly. I likes. She mentioned that Junana's grandpa has Alzheimer's =[. A very terrible disease, but it makes me happy to see that they still take care of him and he's not stuck at some nursing home. Makes me go all awwww =3. She also mentioned that he took care of Junana ever since she was little, and that he taught Junana how to read. "Toys R Us"...she read it as "that's Toys Russ" XD. Oh! And Junana's nick name is "Rozi".

    Musical chairs. I have developed a new technique...though it didn't really help me win it all the way through. But basically all you do is walk slower than others leaving a chair or a chair and a half gap from yourself and the person infront of you. You really don't have to worry much about the person in front to be stealing that chair in the gap coz he/she is most likely looking at the chair before the gap-chair. Then when music is turned off, all you have to do is jump in and take the seat ^^. Winners were Becca and Jennifer, they got some hula necklace thingy [Jen purple and Becca green]. But really Jennifer had won it. It was so funny. When the music stopped, she grabbed the chair away and sat on it XD. Smart. Donkey. Great I'm an idiot too =D. That was no where near the butt ^^". I had fun distracting people, or coaching them to the wrong spots ^^. My plan for "the princess" got foiled though. Winner was Oddball. She won a whole package of Oh! Henry minis and a red hawaiian necklace thingy. Cherades. Uhhh how was I supposed to act out Caillou >.>. Les fromage vs BBQ Pork...who knows who won ^^". Bowling. Y'all bowl better blindfolded ^^. Princess says. It was ubruptly finished coz parents were calling us all home haha.

    Well so yah. Overall, it was a pretty awesome day. Glad I didn't miss it =]. Also, I think it made us all feel better. School has been taking its toll on us lately, not just the schoolwork but the crappiness of some people too. It's nice to forget such unfortunes once and a while, and enjoy some unexpected laughter. =]

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    Happy 16th Birthday Julianna!!! Thanks for the awesome parteh!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

  • Loner in Six

    I, officially hate my grade 11 year.

    BLARG! SCREW THIS! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! SIX?! SIX OUT OF FRIGGIN EIGHT CLASSES AND NO ONE I KNOW IS IN THOSE SIX DREADFUL CLASSES?!?!!?

    And Sarah, why do you have to leave TT__TT....

    So we got to visit all our 8 blocks today...to meet our teachers and to see who's gonna be in it...

    Japanese 10...Loner class #1. I'm always a year behind the grade 11's coz I took Japanese a year later. Does Ms. Eden really have to point out that I'm the only grade 11 in that class? Then all of them grade 10's to stared at me. Hazukashi na! Friggin embarassing man! What the heck happened to Johnson?! He quit Japanese?! And why oh why did Erica have to move to Surrey?! Now I'm like the ONLY grade 11 there... and lucky Suhana will be transferred in grade 11 Japanese I think. Taking the challenge exam I think...*sigh* if only I didn't slack off and actually studied over the summer...I could've done the same thing as her. I asked Ms. Eden what I can do and she said the only option would be to take grade 11 summer school next year...and if I take that, that would mean I won't have Momoyama* for next year [see Momoyama blogs a few pages back]...first day of school on my first block...and already my class outlook is screwed up -.- I hope Mindy gets in to make my Japanese class more bearable...

    Chemistry 12... Loner!...This makes up for Loner class #2. Ms Wong so scary..."We will begin with the reviews immediately next class". She has a certain way or tone to how she says her sentences. The same everytime 0.o. Kinda monotonous but there's a certain way where her tone raises and lowers. She likes to go "blah blah blah and the...?" then students are supposed to finish her sentence for her. I guess it's a way to make sure her kids are listening and paying attention to her. When she reiterrates things...she gets even scarier. I guess the fear will help chase away my laziness in chem. I did so bad last year, partly coz I often didn't feel like doing the homeworks at all. She said homeworks in her class are a biggie, and with my newly Ms-Wong-phobia, I probably would listen now, and do my homeworks properly. She said [well actually all teachers said this before] that if you do the homework you should be fine in the tests. I guess I didn't really believe that until she herself told us that. She also mentioned that if you don't do her homeworks at all, then there's no way you can ace her tests without a miracle. Note to self: better listen to Ms. Wong and do whatever she tells me to. But yah. Had to sit alone in that class again. I need someone to sit beside with...coz there are a lot of labs to do...so one really needs a partner. It doesn't help that I dislike the only gr 11's in there. It doesn't help that there were quite a lot of gr 12's in there [well duh...it's Chemistry TWELVE]. And it doesn't help that there are 25 students in that class either. I might as well be the odd one out -.-...again. Oh yah, can you believe that we already got some worksheets to look over? Sig figs..it shouldn't be that big of a problem...but still.

    French 11... Yay Ms. Romain but....Once again I have become a loner in that class. Loner class numbah 3! Would've been fine if Sarah didn't have to transfer out. But luck seems to play around my shitty year this way. Would've befriended Lucy too if she wasn't already taken by Dahsom. So my chances getting a friend there has been drained to zero percent. I did sorta talk to a girl in there. I had to. We were forced to find a person we didn't know and partner up for the game. Anyway, her name's Julie. International Student too. Reminds me of Claudia except more timid. But yah she's from Germany too. Isn't that cool? She can speak German, English and French. Too bad she'll only be staying for five months. Great. After five months I would sink to something even lower than a loner. Anyway, lots of crappy people in that class. Oh a whole load of barbies* [see previous post]. My French classes seem to always magnetize barbies a lot. So like last year, 90% of my French class are barbies. Then Ms. Romain said something about the speeches we had to do. Got worried about my braces. Just how was I supposed to enunciate with these things grappling on your teeth?

    Socials Studies 11... Oh Finally! S'about time I see some lovely faces...Friends! Julianna, Grace, Eunice and Gigi. Goodness, I would've cried if I had to go through every Day 1's alone. Ah, reminds me of sad sad gr 8 and 9 days. Hmmm so yah...Ms. Ghani is still in her last months of her maternal leave. So for the time being we get Ms. Neff. She seems ok. Some scary people [names will not be mentioned] and stupidly annoying people again [mainly Jon Royal]. But I could survive, so long as I have my friends in there.

    Biology Hon 11...now how in the world did I get into Bio Honours?! I don't even remember signing up for it. Oh wells, at least I'm not alone. Wendy and Gigi are there. Yay. As expected, Ms. Samra is a "smiley person". Mehehehe...she seems nice =]. She had us write down some stuff on what to expect and such, and all I can think off is..."Disection seems fun". Hee. Oh yah! Welcome back from Hong Kong Gigi!

    BA Animation...what does BA stand for? 0.o. Anyway, this block as well as the following blocks for Day 2's will all be loner classes. So yah loner class #4! I opened the door thinking I was late, then I saw a classfull of people inside...eep! that obviously wasn't my class! Shoot! What an idiot. Closed the door right away. When they left my animation class got settled in. BIG PEOPLE* EVERYWHERE! [*see previous post] But I could barely even notice that fact, when I realized I'm the only gr 11 girl aside from Michelle. Wow. So yah. Ok no god* [*see previous post] in here *phew*. But big people...dammit I'll go sulk again...on this very class I was supposed to like the most. Sarah why can't they put you in here D=. I'll kick those 2 other people out and sneak you in =[

    English 11... Ms. Bryant. Good/nice teacher I heard...again, should've been fine with Sarah, but she's transferring out TT__TT. Loner class #5! Craptastic people are there too. Oh Alice is in there...she was sitting alone, sometimes talking to Sohma. So if it comes right down to it, I might as well talk to Alice. Haha PingPong [another nickname...Myron should know ^^] might get mad though. Oh wells. According to Myron, PingPong doesn't even remember me. That's good. Well there's this kind-looking girl behind me...might talk to her as well. But Sarah why do you have to leave me =[

    Math Principles 11... I guess you can say semi-loner class coz I have one friend there. J9. But still if she has to miss one day I'll be all...you know it!...alone...again! Loner class #6! I came a little early. I sat by the wall. I already had the feeling I'll be all alone in this one too. I get this notion that some unknown force out there has been screwing up my entire life slowly but painfully through out the whole year. Nena came, said hi, but just as fast, she turned searching for other people to sit beside with. I don't mind that much. At least she said hi. Existence acknowledged--somewhat. Then I almost jumped for joy when J9 walked in. Always as lively. Like all the rantings and hyperness in the world combined in just one person. But I'm really glad she's like that...let some of her radiance rub off of me. One can't sit in darkness and lonesome forever you know. Julie came in too, I stared at her until she felt my eyes jabbing through her back haha. I waved hi. She said hi. Ah Mr. Yuen. At least he seems less boring than Mr. Coleborn, errr no offence ^^". I just realized, when Gigi and Wendy mentioned it to me in Bio, that I didn't get in Math Hon. So THAT's why I didn't get Mr. Lee. Bummer. Wendy's all alone in Mr. Lee's class too. What'd I tell you? Shitty year that's for sure.

    I can't stand being so...so...isolated!

    Other events...

    Ms. Sihota [reading her name reminds me of Shota T_T] asked me to run an errand to the office. Already, she knew my name 0.0.

    I had to call Oddball first thing in the morning coz I thought we were going to our Block A's first. Turns out we still had homeroom.

    He's not in any of my class this year so sorry Myron =P can't look after him for yah.

    I don't like Eren nymore. German Eren. Won't say hi to him anymore either. I waved at him today by the staircase. Then he just greeted me a short hi then elbowed his friend and they both laughed. -.- what the hell...I was trying to be polite.

    Lunch. Saw Claudia sitting with the other international kids. It seems like the old Russian table from the previous years has now been converted into the German table...0.0...and as expected no more Cafeteria fries. As junkfood are now prohibited to be sold inside the school property. Wonder what's gonna happen to Southpoint then. Anyway, Caf. Wow...too much healthy stuff. Who the heck eats oatmeal at school?!

    Found out that my creepy neighbour is in gr 8 now at South too. *shudders* I find it iffy when he's looking at me...I don't think he saw me yet though...oh but he will...that same stupid bad luck I have had his locker just a couple of metres away from mine. *shudders again*. Such a creepo that kid is. No offence but yah. Today my brother told me that he asked him where I was. Ugh! Can this year be any worse?!

    ...Months from now, when I read this I'm pretty sure I'll be saying something along the lines of...

    "You have no idea"

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

  • Only One Hundred and Seventy Seven Days of School Left!

    OOOH YAH!!!

    I wish I had more sleep. But I have always been like that...always on the day before or just hours before the first day of school...I always get so restless. So yah, had almost no sleep last night. Went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up at 8am the next day 0.0. So yah still groggy...

    As I was walking back to school, something I've done a jillion times, for some odd reason I felt kinda scared....weird.

    Got there. Met up with my friends. And oh my god--SO MUCH PEOPLE! I haven't seen such a crowd [or should I say mob] in a long time man. Little barbies screaming and jumping here and there. A couple of older barbies hugging and similarly exclaiming as well. Though, we're grade 11's now, there were still quite a lot of big people. Well...there were also some lower grades who were taller then me mehehhee...but big people [definition: huge, bulky, ginormous, grade 12's] yah.

    Homeroom with Vel and Zoe again! Awesome! Didn't notice Monica and Daisy until I stared hard enough in their direction. Monica's hair seemed darker...wonder if she dyed it 0.0. Then Daisy she got prettier in my opinion. Hehe just like Myron XD who is now sulking in Winnipeg. [Darn, I wanna be prettier too D=] Oh and Soo Young or however u spelled it got her braces too. Like moi.

    Got our schedules. My Sihota, my new homeroom teacher, said my shirt was cute. Hee. It's Pebbles =D. It was orange-ish-yellow and somehow I attracted bees throughout the whole day -.-. Not cool. Never been stung before and I have no intention at all to experience such pain.I settled with running and screeching away from them once in a while. Mehehehe....

    Vel got new shoes so I spent part of my day trying to step on her left shoe. Coz I already stepped on her right during homeroom...under the desk haha. I'm a supah ninja! Zoe did too so I stepped on 'em. I took no pity on Oddball's new flats. So yep I stepped on them too. Muahahaha!

    My new locker is just 2 lockers away from my old grade 8 one. Ahh memories. Met quite a handful of jerks by that locker mhmm. But anyways being there again was pretty cool XD. Hope I meet run into different people this time. My locker was in between Vel's and Zoe's --okay not so important info but who cares! =]

    George, one of our International Students somehow got into my homeroom. I wondered why, coz I thought all of them International Students were all  in Ms Bell's class 0.o. Later we found out that he got the room wrong. Hehehe silly kid. Once they asked Oddball for some questions for tomorrow, I butted [is that a word? 0.0] in and told Lucas--yes directly at Lucas "dont be late" hehehehe. Coz he missed the whole day fieldtrip last Friday. Lucas has pretty eyes, and I agree with Oddball that his whole feature is pretty. But his eyes were the best.

    Ran around finding who'll be in my classes. I only got one Grace, one Wendy, and one Jenny Fu. Everyone else were like "nothing", "nothing", "nothing". Grrrrrr! No International kids either. No Claudia, no George, no Lucas, no Eren, no Brent, no Alex. Oh! And speaking of Int. kids...never knew Ashley and Kelsie were Int. students!?! Darn I've known them for a year and I never knew...psh.

    No classes with Gen again, weird coz we've known each other for 4 years now I think. And never once did we have any classes together. No Oddball, no Vel, no Zoe, no J9, no Junana [actually Julianna but I like saying Junana better ^^], no Becca, no Jen. no Elmer....bleh! I don't want god [it's a nickname, I apologize if this offends people, but yah he was given such a name coz he used to pwn at absolutely everything] to be in my animation class!!! -.-. At least give me one class where I can pwn! *sigh* but no...he's so gonna own that block now >.>. NO MR. LEE?!?!!? WHYYYY?!?!?! I took the friggin Math Hon. so I could get him for math, he's such an awesome teacher! But noooOOOooo I have to get Mr. Yuen -.-. Wendy got lucky enough to get Mr. Lee, again! Mou....no fair! AND AND AND I got Ms. Wong for Chem!!!!!! AAAAAHHHH! SHE'S SO SCARY! Last year, she substituted for our chem teacher once. Me and my friend didn't mention to her that we were supposed to take a test that day coz we thought it was gonna be moved coz our teaher wasn't there...then at the end of the class she totally yelled at us for not telling her. Made us stay through the next block. So embarassing! So yah I'm terrified. Other than that, the other teachers seem fine. I got Ms. Romain again! Yay! I stopped by her new classroom today and waved hi. My old French classroom [portable] and my old Japanese room switched. Oddball got that very room our Momoyama fav class had. Bummer...she's gonna be all nostalgic every math class ^^". I'm thankful I didn't though...coz...it'll hurt...very much. But no emo today! Nada! Mmmhmmm...Good Zam ^^

    Didn't see quite a lot of people. Must've missed them...oh well we'll see more tomorrow...when we go to all of our blocks. Hehehe I saw second [another nickname] he has longer hair now. Sorta like god's but neater. "Trying to be cool" Oddball commented. Haha. I heard god groan for some reason 0.o. Nena, an old friend from way back in grade 8 came back =O. She transferred school during gr 9 I think and she came back for this year. I barely even recognized her. When she suddenly bursted out hello to me and Oddball I had to stare for a bit to scan through my oddly burry and fuzzy memories who she was. When I remembered I was like "Oh! Nena!" XD. Yah no classes with her either >.>. Then I saw this kid talking to Kelsie, I had to squint again [this time longer] to remember who she was. Then she said "Jap class". And I was like "oh! right!" mehehehe...I don't even know her name...but yah I know her by face =].

    Oddball got ambushed by unwanted people a lot. Had to pull her out of there haha XD.

    Walked home with a bunch of my friends too. Poor Oddball had to go home alone. Hope she feels better... Walked home with... Mindy, J9, Junana, Wendy and Zoe. I find it funny how one by one we all had to separate as we walked home. First to go was J9. Then Mindy by the skytrain. Then Junana. Then me. And then there were two. Wendy and Zoe had to buy stuff at the mall.

    And so yah! That ends my day today...The whole thing took about 2 and a half hours...it seemed longer than that somehow. Hahaha...

    Zam out! [that's so weird...me saying that...but I wanted to try =P]

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

  • Am I Really that Cruel?

    GAHDAMMIT!!!...got into some sorta fight with her tonight...ugh! I AM SO STUPID! ME AND MY RETARDED BIG MOUTH!!!

    I TRY OK?! I TRY! I really DO try and be nice...to try and cope with the pain...hide it if I can...the sting...the emoness...the stupid jealousy and envy. I do!

    Because if I don't...if I don't--I know I'll end up hurting more than myself...one emo person is enough...I don't want to drag people into my dark corner...just me...if I could help it...at least others can enjoy themselves right? I would hate myself even more if I spoil the moments for them...

    But ugh....I can't always just keep it all under control, ok? I'm human too--I slip up too!

    But this was beyond some mistake! I was at fault! It was entirely my fault...I was being an ass...gah!

    Now, if you have read my super-long posts before...you should've picked up the harsh rejection I received from the very culture I loved so much. They brought me wordless frustration and disappointment. So much so that it has resulted for one of my most emo days yet...also resulting to such display messages as..."ね...神さまはひどいですか. だって...毎日 と毎日 な-いったいよ! だから…だから! どうしよう!?!...どうしよう…助けて...おねがい"

    Ok so...it started off as some random convo...then I brought up the Momoyama kids [HUGE mistake]. Then I made an even BIGGER mistake by commenting...

    "this is gonna sound emo [you have been warned]...I wanna stop thinking about them...stop bringing them up...coz I only end up hurting myself"

    WHAT THE HELL was I expecting?! Pity? Sympathy? Empathy? Pat on the back with the "aww it's ok" crap? I already argued with myself a couple dozen times that self-pity NEVER solves ANYTHING!....NEVER accomplishes anything...NEVER proves ANYTHING...it's just another useless excuse one gives oneself to have a reason to be down when really it could be better...

    STUPID!

    then she got all sad...she was very much well-liked more than I was...but now that I think about it...perhaps that too was my fault. I wasn't as outgoing as them. Too quiet. Too timid. Less approachable. I probably scared them if not bored them. But anyway...back to the point...I got her all sad with my idiotic remark...She complained on how she can't even talk about them to me [or to her other bestfriend] anymore since I get depressed when I'm reminded by them.

    And I got even more unreasonable when I said "that's ok" "u can talk about ur class with yeesoo and naomi" "y'all can relate"...gawd!...can I be any more STUPID?!... Name me the worst friend ever. Brand me the most insensitive friend ever! I knew she didn't like them. And of course she'd also disliked the fact that I have grouped her with them. As part of them. Someone like them. She didn't like them coz she was afraid they were going to steal her class away from her...and instead of being a good bestfriend--one that I should have been when they were tormenting her...I have betrayed her by taunting her like that! Like I said....I, Zamantha, thereby proclaim myself the most heartless friend anyone ever had!

    That hurt her. I'd hurt her--I know...And I regret it [even more now that I'm reflecting on what I've done]. I apologized...but it just doesn't seem so sincere over on msn...she replied:

    "why do you do that?"

    ...I really had no clue how to answer...I stuttered...

    "oh...uhhh...i guess coz...well...it's the only way I can relate [or was it comment] on the issue"

    she goes "well I guess you just don't realize how much I hate it"...

    When she said that....when I read that....I wanted to smash my head on the wall. Turn back time and slap my stupid head to stop myself from ever commenting so horribly...so coldly...so bloody stupidly. I could reason out like "oh I meant it as a joke" but it doesn't cover it really. I know I'm terrible at jokes and puns but that was still a mixture of my undying jealousy of her. Of THEM! Of all the other volunteers...they keep talking about oh how they got e-mails from this person and that, all the way from Japan. How they're still having fun conversations though they're half a world apart. How some will even write them all a letter. And all I could do is just nod...hold back tears...think of some unknown and inexistent happy place...even PRETEND that I got at least one e-mail too!

    Is it really that wrong to be jealous? That sinful to envy them so much? That's all I could feel when I'm surrounded by them...I'm amazed that there's no single hatred at all...no anger...just the whole bitterness from the green-eyed monster I have become...

    I guess...while in that convo...I  guess...I guess...I just...snapped.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

  • Random Update

    Ah so I'm back from my 3-day camping...we'll talk about that later...

    ummm about the post below...previous to this one....meheheh I'm kinda too lazy to squeeze out my brain for memories that happened that day...sooo... I might as well leave it unfinished. Sorry =P.

    Also, I was supposed to return my now 4-day overdue textbook in the library...but I got too lazy to get my butt off this house. It's requested too. I feel bad for that person in waiting...sorry ^^"...[as mentioned by a certain someone, I'm quite 'insensitive' ;P]...I'll try my best tomorrow to force myself to return it...heh...

    eh so camping! It was...well...'okay'-ish. Not as fun as I expected. But then again, I didn't have much expectations to start with, coz that was my first time ever going into one. Before we left, I decided to go online for a bit... then I found out that my computer was fudged up again. AGAIN! It just kept on turning back and forth to the welcoming "Windows" screen...then it'll black out and do the same thing over again! Said there was some error with a recent hardware change. I'm like "no way! not again!"...*sigh*...see, the only way to fix it is to system restore it. For those who may not know it...this requires having ALL [yes all] of your files deleted. Gone. Poof. Exterminated. I was pissed but mostly miserable...

    [an excerpt of what I wrote somewhere that day coz I couldn't log in to blog it]

    "I can't 'not' think of anything else. [coz my mom kept telling me to not think about it anymore--she was trying to comfort me ^^"] My computer, and all the files in it are like part of me. This is already the THIRD time I have lost my files. I should be used to it by now. But that blow...having something stolen from you..that loss...it's just as harsh as all the other times. So many pictures, videos, memories that I will never get to see ever again. It's bad enough that I had to leave my class for this camping trip, but now I even have THIS to deal with. I'm afraid this outing has already been spoiled for me."

    Mehehe yah...that was a humongous bummer...>.<...I think I cried a few tears ^^". Call me weird but it's true...

    The day before that I had a strong urge to burn all my files on a cd. Like a back-up thingy. But like always, I was too lazy to do it. Ugh! I hated myself for that too! I could've saved myself from such distress if only I wasn't such a lethargic little zam! *sigh*...oh why oh why...might as well have punched myself >.>...Would've whipped myself to do it if I knew what was coming...

    That sucked.

    Then I sulked n the car...barely speaking to anyone...after a few hours...we arrived at the campsite.

    I didn't do anything much...just picked up the camera and took pictures. I found it weird that no one was nagging me to do anything. Everyone was so busy with the setting up the tent, preparing the food, the portable stove..I, on the otherhand, just sat through the whole thing. Snapping stolen shots once and a while...

    There were 4 families in all in our camp group. Our tent was the second largest --I just felt like adding that ^^".

    By the time nighttime fell, we already had the fire going. I think the only thing I enjoyed through the whole event is the fire. It's so...pretty. And warm. And calming.

    It wasn't cold out, but not too hot either. I'd sit by our little bonfire then hold my feet up. You can feel the heat hug each toe...it was relaxing.

    I toasted a couple of marshmallows. Roasted half a hotdog. Then burned more marshmallows. It was fun watching it turn to golden brown hen to grey then to black. It looked mutated as little bumps form on the surface as it burned. Then it'll melt off the stick and drop into the fire. Fire was hungry too.

    After that I took out a watergun and started spraying around the campfire. It was encased in an old rusty wheel rim. So when I squirted water on it, it made these hissing sounds and steams formed from it. Pretty cool.

    Most of the day was boring...there were barely anything to do. That wasn't good...coz that left my brain too much freetime, thus I was fussing over what my class is supposed to be doing at that hour or if not, then I'd be dreading the fact that I'd have yet another empty computer to come home to. I spent a few hours copying notes from my overdue notebook. The adults commented about it...I didn't like the attention. "So studious!" they'd say. "You're not supposed to study when you're camping". "People studying are kill-joy's". One even taunted "wakarmasen". Ugh! So what if I was studying up for my Japanese 10! [I want to skip a course]. I just smiled back and pretended to take their jokes lightly... >.>.

    A couple brought their dog. Miko. Miko was a relief. Kept my mind off so many things for a while. I love dogs...I wish I have one.

    I was hesitant to use the showers and the washrooms. Public facilities are so icky. But this place was actually adequately clean. Later I found out that this place is one of the cleanest in BC...according to some old lady who has been camping every summer for a few years.

    That night I slept on an inflatable bed. Not as comfy. It got colder too...I turned my sleeping bag into a blanket. I had no pillow. I sprayed our handy-dandy Off mosquito repelant. I cried for a bit. I missed my class. I disliked the idea that I could've spent the day with them, instead of getting scrutinized by adults. But I didn't regret coming along and camping with the family. No not at all. It's just that I really really longed to see them...just one more time.

    I woke up and the bed was already 3/4 deflated ==__==. I even felt the rocks beneath--even as I was lying down. Ouch.

    It was too early too. Earlier than I usually wake up. But then, everyone else was already up for some time.

    Day 2 we went to the waterpark. I thought I might enjoy it. I thought wrong. I hated the sun. I hate getting tanned. Thankfully though I didn't get tanned...much. The waterpark was pathetic. There. I said it. It was just plain sad. For one thing it was so small. And another, the rides had no thrill at all. My siblings seemed to enjoy it. Other people in the park seemed like they were enjoying it. I was just "gah...can we go home now? I wanna go home.". [Oh by the way I said that phrase quite a lot through the whole event ^^"]. But anyway...I guess when you've been to Disney's Typhoon Lagoon, any local waterpark would seem awfully pathetic. There was this one ride that I thought had broken my neck. Stupid thing. It drops you in a valley shaped thingy. Imagine those giant skating, boarding or biking bowls in some extreme sports event. But only much much steeper. I as with my sister. It was a double or triple ride thing. I sat in front. "Bottoms up chin tucked" the lady said. Then we got pushed off the cliff. When we fell the speed and I guess the angle of which we fell jerked my head backwards. I swear my head must've been pushed back for like 90 degrees. It hurt! We fell. My sister screamed. And that was it. Stupid stupid ride. No fun at all! My neck ached. Whenever I tried to move my head, at any direction, it hurt. Blehs...

    I'm fine now though ^^"

    After that we got some ice creams. Yummy! I had a rocky road and a mocha. I tasted my sister's "boo boo bubblegum" one and I remembered I used to have one of those things when I was little. I missed it! I wanted another scoop. A boo boo bubblegum one. But the lady said I can only have two scoops per cone. Darn.

    The men went fishing when we were out at the waterpark. No fish cught though. I saw the river and the water was clear. You can see the rocks at the bottom. It didn't look too deep. There was a giant "Swim at your own risk" sign by the shore. [Do you call land "shore" even it's by the river and not by the sea? Iunno..please do enlighten me  ^^"]. I remember seeing a similar sign around the waterpark too. "Ride at your own risk" it said. How nice. Scare the little kids out of those pitiful rides of theirs...

    Then into my campfire routine.

    Then some news about 3 missing kids spread through the whole campsite. Dad and the other men [it's so weird calling them that...eh but they are ^^"] went to help look for them. They were found [thank goodness]. A 17 or 16 yr old, a 14 ayr olf and a 10 yr old. All siblings. From what I've heard [more like eavesdropped on ^^"] the kids decided to wander of on their own. Their dad even searched the river looking for them. Stupid kids. I could only imagine how much they got their parents worried. They must have been terrified. Not knowing where their children were at that time of night. Mattaku...>.>

    ...bedtime...

    My iPod helped my restless brain to sleep. Still thinking about my class, and my files...but I felt just a wee bit better than my first night.

    I slept even worse that night though. I slept with my neck injured and still pillow-less. At least the bed didn't deflate this time. Woke up even earlier than last night. I was cranky.

    Some caravan went out with that annoying beeping sound when it's on panic mode. Probably woke up the nearby campers too. It wouldn't stop. The mother who owned the car looked panicked herself. The sound would slur to lower volume and the beeping would be distorted but after a few minutes it'll be back beeping so loud again. A few more minutes and the hood was up, she was fussing over the car. Poor woman. That must've been embarassing.

    Breakfast.  Packing. Slept through most of the drive back home. I had to pee really bad. Shouldn't have drank that many cups of hot chocolate. [but I was cold! what was I supposed to do]. I felt like I was gonna burst...ew...when we finally arrived home, I picked up a few of my things and darted through the front door with my keys. I wasn't going as fast coz I was slouching as I ran...I must've looked retarded. I kept on chanting "gotta go pee! gotte go pee!"...mehehehe...fun.

     the end ^^"

A Lolita's Rant

Saturday, October 04, 2008

  • Unexpected Laughter

    ----------------------------------------------

    haha ok back from my somewhat hiatus =P

    well you can't really expect me to diligently write stuff down about my day to day happenings every single day...

    I am one of the laziest people you'll ever meet after all.

    So! On with our story today...Junana's parteh!!!

    I'm gonna say it now...I didn't expect to have that much fun! I apologize for prejudicing it prior to the event...

    I kinda resent that I bought such a cheap gift...originally, I planned to not to spend too much because I was only gifting for the sake of courtesy, but now I kinda regret having done so. Junana deserved better. Plus, it was quite embarassing when the "present time" --as her lovely aunt referred to the gift-opening part -- came. Everyone else bought such expensive looking (though not really) gifts. Branded wallet, a purse, a bag, bath accessories, photo album, journal, photo clip thingy, awesome pencil case, earrings, clothes, lots of candies, and make-up sets. And yet, guess what I got her.... a small bag of Purdy's chocolate pretzels and a dollar-store bought birthday card ^^". She commented "oh! Purdy's!"... "ok nice card" ....I feel so cheap DX

    Heh..kay. That's that. More on the happy parts. It's such a kiddy party I love it! Not like those crazy teen sweet 16 birtday party you see in TV. We played pin...well more like tape the tail on the donkey, musical chairs, cherades, and toy bowling. Haha it was like revisting those old days XD. Fun! Fun! Fun!

    Such a horrid day outside though. Wendy said it was a bad omen [on the contrary though, the day turned out pretty well]. Ugly ugly sky. All dark and gloomy. Raining. And wind blowing like crazy. Plus, we had to wait outside for a good 5 mins. coz the buzzer won't work D=. Just when the weather decided to spin out the hardest winds of the day. Yah our hair ruined, our pants soaked, and the tissue papers in our gifties are ALREADY soaked ^^". Later, she told us something along the lines of the faxmachine wouldn't buzz us in and open the door. How we got in? An old lady came and unlocked the door. We grabbed it open and went in ^^. Oh yah there were funny arrows and balloons directing us where to go. Haha it was a big apartment building. Has a pool, a gym, a court, and public washrooms and all. Not to mention the hall where the party was held. It had a piano inside. Wendy played a couple of pretty songs...like my favourite --Babar's opening song =3.

    I found the arrows and balloons funny =D. At the end of the day, I scrambled up the arrows pointing to different directions (e.g. up to the ceiling XD).

    The birthday girl was dressed in this vibrant red semi-formal dress with a tiara on top. I sorta liked the dress. So much balloonies! =D and the ceiling looked so festive with all the colourful streamers.  Junana's brother stalked us all with his camera. He acted like a mini ravi. Daniel = mini Ravi.

    I drew faces on the balloons. There was Chip whom I left in the care of Junana. And there's this really cute one I have yet to name ^^. Zoe told us about her parents' stunning revelation that she and her brother were supposed to have a younger sibling. Except she had a miscarriage through bad food 0.0. Oh and J9 did the craziest thing today as I heard the loudest and really frantic scream I've ever heard in a long time. J9 hid in the public washroom. Then when Oddball opened the door, J9 jumped us and said boo or something...but it was most probably her infamous "HI!!!". But yah it had Oddball screaming like those people in horror movies. "AAAAAAHHH!!!". The people upstairs who were having conversations at the time, glared us down from the staircase D=.

    Food. Hehe when we first got there, Junana's aunt had to persuade us for quite a while to eat. And whenever food was mentioned they all go "Zam" "Zammy?" "Zam!"...mehehhe... what can I say...I like food =D. Food was good. Jam tarts, cheese, mini sausages, pizza, cake, and of course water. Everyone else drank pop. I don't like pop ^^". Her aunt was like "Zaaammm, you can drink better than that"..mehehhe... I'm sticking with my wahtah. I'm still full right this second.

    Guests. Me, myself and I. Oddball. J9 of course. Wendy. Zoe. Jennifer. Rebecca. Rachel. Angela and another Rachel --they're from another school. Ivy her [Junana's] cousin. Daniel her brother. Little boy whose name is unknown, I'm guessing Ivy's little brother. Another cousin of hers. Two aunts or was the other one her mom? Her dad [or so I assume he is]. And her grandpa. Her aunt, the one who urged us with the food is funny =]. Very lively and friendly. I likes. She mentioned that Junana's grandpa has Alzheimer's =[. A very terrible disease, but it makes me happy to see that they still take care of him and he's not stuck at some nursing home. Makes me go all awwww =3. She also mentioned that he took care of Junana ever since she was little, and that he taught Junana how to read. "Toys R Us"...she read it as "that's Toys Russ" XD. Oh! And Junana's nick name is "Rozi".

    Musical chairs. I have developed a new technique...though it didn't really help me win it all the way through. But basically all you do is walk slower than others leaving a chair or a chair and a half gap from yourself and the person infront of you. You really don't have to worry much about the person in front to be stealing that chair in the gap coz he/she is most likely looking at the chair before the gap-chair. Then when music is turned off, all you have to do is jump in and take the seat ^^. Winners were Becca and Jennifer, they got some hula necklace thingy [Jen purple and Becca green]. But really Jennifer had won it. It was so funny. When the music stopped, she grabbed the chair away and sat on it XD. Smart. Donkey. Great I'm an idiot too =D. That was no where near the butt ^^". I had fun distracting people, or coaching them to the wrong spots ^^. My plan for "the princess" got foiled though. Winner was Oddball. She won a whole package of Oh! Henry minis and a red hawaiian necklace thingy. Cherades. Uhhh how was I supposed to act out Caillou >.>. Les fromage vs BBQ Pork...who knows who won ^^". Bowling. Y'all bowl better blindfolded ^^. Princess says. It was ubruptly finished coz parents were calling us all home haha.

    Well so yah. Overall, it was a pretty awesome day. Glad I didn't miss it =]. Also, I think it made us all feel better. School has been taking its toll on us lately, not just the schoolwork but the crappiness of some people too. It's nice to forget such unfortunes once and a while, and enjoy some unexpected laughter. =]

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    Happy 16th Birthday Julianna!!! Thanks for the awesome parteh!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

  • Loner in Six

    I, officially hate my grade 11 year.

    BLARG! SCREW THIS! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! SIX?! SIX OUT OF FRIGGIN EIGHT CLASSES AND NO ONE I KNOW IS IN THOSE SIX DREADFUL CLASSES?!?!!?

    And Sarah, why do you have to leave TT__TT....

    So we got to visit all our 8 blocks today...to meet our teachers and to see who's gonna be in it...

    Japanese 10...Loner class #1. I'm always a year behind the grade 11's coz I took Japanese a year later. Does Ms. Eden really have to point out that I'm the only grade 11 in that class? Then all of them grade 10's to stared at me. Hazukashi na! Friggin embarassing man! What the heck happened to Johnson?! He quit Japanese?! And why oh why did Erica have to move to Surrey?! Now I'm like the ONLY grade 11 there... and lucky Suhana will be transferred in grade 11 Japanese I think. Taking the challenge exam I think...*sigh* if only I didn't slack off and actually studied over the summer...I could've done the same thing as her. I asked Ms. Eden what I can do and she said the only option would be to take grade 11 summer school next year...and if I take that, that would mean I won't have Momoyama* for next year [see Momoyama blogs a few pages back]...first day of school on my first block...and already my class outlook is screwed up -.- I hope Mindy gets in to make my Japanese class more bearable...

    Chemistry 12... Loner!...This makes up for Loner class #2. Ms Wong so scary..."We will begin with the reviews immediately next class". She has a certain way or tone to how she says her sentences. The same everytime 0.o. Kinda monotonous but there's a certain way where her tone raises and lowers. She likes to go "blah blah blah and the...?" then students are supposed to finish her sentence for her. I guess it's a way to make sure her kids are listening and paying attention to her. When she reiterrates things...she gets even scarier. I guess the fear will help chase away my laziness in chem. I did so bad last year, partly coz I often didn't feel like doing the homeworks at all. She said homeworks in her class are a biggie, and with my newly Ms-Wong-phobia, I probably would listen now, and do my homeworks properly. She said [well actually all teachers said this before] that if you do the homework you should be fine in the tests. I guess I didn't really believe that until she herself told us that. She also mentioned that if you don't do her homeworks at all, then there's no way you can ace her tests without a miracle. Note to self: better listen to Ms. Wong and do whatever she tells me to. But yah. Had to sit alone in that class again. I need someone to sit beside with...coz there are a lot of labs to do...so one really needs a partner. It doesn't help that I dislike the only gr 11's in there. It doesn't help that there were quite a lot of gr 12's in there [well duh...it's Chemistry TWELVE]. And it doesn't help that there are 25 students in that class either. I might as well be the odd one out -.-...again. Oh yah, can you believe that we already got some worksheets to look over? Sig figs..it shouldn't be that big of a problem...but still.

    French 11... Yay Ms. Romain but....Once again I have become a loner in that class. Loner class numbah 3! Would've been fine if Sarah didn't have to transfer out. But luck seems to play around my shitty year this way. Would've befriended Lucy too if she wasn't already taken by Dahsom. So my chances getting a friend there has been drained to zero percent. I did sorta talk to a girl in there. I had to. We were forced to find a person we didn't know and partner up for the game. Anyway, her name's Julie. International Student too. Reminds me of Claudia except more timid. But yah she's from Germany too. Isn't that cool? She can speak German, English and French. Too bad she'll only be staying for five months. Great. After five months I would sink to something even lower than a loner. Anyway, lots of crappy people in that class. Oh a whole load of barbies* [see previous post]. My French classes seem to always magnetize barbies a lot. So like last year, 90% of my French class are barbies. Then Ms. Romain said something about the speeches we had to do. Got worried about my braces. Just how was I supposed to enunciate with these things grappling on your teeth?

    Socials Studies 11... Oh Finally! S'about time I see some lovely faces...Friends! Julianna, Grace, Eunice and Gigi. Goodness, I would've cried if I had to go through every Day 1's alone. Ah, reminds me of sad sad gr 8 and 9 days. Hmmm so yah...Ms. Ghani is still in her last months of her maternal leave. So for the time being we get Ms. Neff. She seems ok. Some scary people [names will not be mentioned] and stupidly annoying people again [mainly Jon Royal]. But I could survive, so long as I have my friends in there.

    Biology Hon 11...now how in the world did I get into Bio Honours?! I don't even remember signing up for it. Oh wells, at least I'm not alone. Wendy and Gigi are there. Yay. As expected, Ms. Samra is a "smiley person". Mehehehe...she seems nice =]. She had us write down some stuff on what to expect and such, and all I can think off is..."Disection seems fun". Hee. Oh yah! Welcome back from Hong Kong Gigi!

    BA Animation...what does BA stand for? 0.o. Anyway, this block as well as the following blocks for Day 2's will all be loner classes. So yah loner class #4! I opened the door thinking I was late, then I saw a classfull of people inside...eep! that obviously wasn't my class! Shoot! What an idiot. Closed the door right away. When they left my animation class got settled in. BIG PEOPLE* EVERYWHERE! [*see previous post] But I could barely even notice that fact, when I realized I'm the only gr 11 girl aside from Michelle. Wow. So yah. Ok no god* [*see previous post] in here *phew*. But big people...dammit I'll go sulk again...on this very class I was supposed to like the most. Sarah why can't they put you in here D=. I'll kick those 2 other people out and sneak you in =[

    English 11... Ms. Bryant. Good/nice teacher I heard...again, should've been fine with Sarah, but she's transferring out TT__TT. Loner class #5! Craptastic people are there too. Oh Alice is in there...she was sitting alone, sometimes talking to Sohma. So if it comes right down to it, I might as well talk to Alice. Haha PingPong [another nickname...Myron should know ^^] might get mad though. Oh wells. According to Myron, PingPong doesn't even remember me. That's good. Well there's this kind-looking girl behind me...might talk to her as well. But Sarah why do you have to leave me =[

    Math Principles 11... I guess you can say semi-loner class coz I have one friend there. J9. But still if she has to miss one day I'll be all...you know it!...alone...again! Loner class #6! I came a little early. I sat by the wall. I already had the feeling I'll be all alone in this one too. I get this notion that some unknown force out there has been screwing up my entire life slowly but painfully through out the whole year. Nena came, said hi, but just as fast, she turned searching for other people to sit beside with. I don't mind that much. At least she said hi. Existence acknowledged--somewhat. Then I almost jumped for joy when J9 walked in. Always as lively. Like all the rantings and hyperness in the world combined in just one person. But I'm really glad she's like that...let some of her radiance rub off of me. One can't sit in darkness and lonesome forever you know. Julie came in too, I stared at her until she felt my eyes jabbing through her back haha. I waved hi. She said hi. Ah Mr. Yuen. At least he seems less boring than Mr. Coleborn, errr no offence ^^". I just realized, when Gigi and Wendy mentioned it to me in Bio, that I didn't get in Math Hon. So THAT's why I didn't get Mr. Lee. Bummer. Wendy's all alone in Mr. Lee's class too. What'd I tell you? Shitty year that's for sure.

    I can't stand being so...so...isolated!

    Other events...

    Ms. Sihota [reading her name reminds me of Shota T_T] asked me to run an errand to the office. Already, she knew my name 0.0.

    I had to call Oddball first thing in the morning coz I thought we were going to our Block A's first. Turns out we still had homeroom.

    He's not in any of my class this year so sorry Myron =P can't look after him for yah.

    I don't like Eren nymore. German Eren. Won't say hi to him anymore either. I waved at him today by the staircase. Then he just greeted me a short hi then elbowed his friend and they both laughed. -.- what the hell...I was trying to be polite.

    Lunch. Saw Claudia sitting with the other international kids. It seems like the old Russian table from the previous years has now been converted into the German table...0.0...and as expected no more Cafeteria fries. As junkfood are now prohibited to be sold inside the school property. Wonder what's gonna happen to Southpoint then. Anyway, Caf. Wow...too much healthy stuff. Who the heck eats oatmeal at school?!

    Found out that my creepy neighbour is in gr 8 now at South too. *shudders* I find it iffy when he's looking at me...I don't think he saw me yet though...oh but he will...that same stupid bad luck I have had his locker just a couple of metres away from mine. *shudders again*. Such a creepo that kid is. No offence but yah. Today my brother told me that he asked him where I was. Ugh! Can this year be any worse?!

    ...Months from now, when I read this I'm pretty sure I'll be saying something along the lines of...

    "You have no idea"

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

  • Only One Hundred and Seventy Seven Days of School Left!

    OOOH YAH!!!

    I wish I had more sleep. But I have always been like that...always on the day before or just hours before the first day of school...I always get so restless. So yah, had almost no sleep last night. Went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up at 8am the next day 0.0. So yah still groggy...

    As I was walking back to school, something I've done a jillion times, for some odd reason I felt kinda scared....weird.

    Got there. Met up with my friends. And oh my god--SO MUCH PEOPLE! I haven't seen such a crowd [or should I say mob] in a long time man. Little barbies screaming and jumping here and there. A couple of older barbies hugging and similarly exclaiming as well. Though, we're grade 11's now, there were still quite a lot of big people. Well...there were also some lower grades who were taller then me mehehhee...but big people [definition: huge, bulky, ginormous, grade 12's] yah.

    Homeroom with Vel and Zoe again! Awesome! Didn't notice Monica and Daisy until I stared hard enough in their direction. Monica's hair seemed darker...wonder if she dyed it 0.0. Then Daisy she got prettier in my opinion. Hehe just like Myron XD who is now sulking in Winnipeg. [Darn, I wanna be prettier too D=] Oh and Soo Young or however u spelled it got her braces too. Like moi.

    Got our schedules. My Sihota, my new homeroom teacher, said my shirt was cute. Hee. It's Pebbles =D. It was orange-ish-yellow and somehow I attracted bees throughout the whole day -.-. Not cool. Never been stung before and I have no intention at all to experience such pain.I settled with running and screeching away from them once in a while. Mehehehe....

    Vel got new shoes so I spent part of my day trying to step on her left shoe. Coz I already stepped on her right during homeroom...under the desk haha. I'm a supah ninja! Zoe did too so I stepped on 'em. I took no pity on Oddball's new flats. So yep I stepped on them too. Muahahaha!

    My new locker is just 2 lockers away from my old grade 8 one. Ahh memories. Met quite a handful of jerks by that locker mhmm. But anyways being there again was pretty cool XD. Hope I meet run into different people this time. My locker was in between Vel's and Zoe's --okay not so important info but who cares! =]

    George, one of our International Students somehow got into my homeroom. I wondered why, coz I thought all of them International Students were all  in Ms Bell's class 0.o. Later we found out that he got the room wrong. Hehehe silly kid. Once they asked Oddball for some questions for tomorrow, I butted [is that a word? 0.0] in and told Lucas--yes directly at Lucas "dont be late" hehehehe. Coz he missed the whole day fieldtrip last Friday. Lucas has pretty eyes, and I agree with Oddball that his whole feature is pretty. But his eyes were the best.

    Ran around finding who'll be in my classes. I only got one Grace, one Wendy, and one Jenny Fu. Everyone else were like "nothing", "nothing", "nothing". Grrrrrr! No International kids either. No Claudia, no George, no Lucas, no Eren, no Brent, no Alex. Oh! And speaking of Int. kids...never knew Ashley and Kelsie were Int. students!?! Darn I've known them for a year and I never knew...psh.

    No classes with Gen again, weird coz we've known each other for 4 years now I think. And never once did we have any classes together. No Oddball, no Vel, no Zoe, no J9, no Junana [actually Julianna but I like saying Junana better ^^], no Becca, no Jen. no Elmer....bleh! I don't want god [it's a nickname, I apologize if this offends people, but yah he was given such a name coz he used to pwn at absolutely everything] to be in my animation class!!! -.-. At least give me one class where I can pwn! *sigh* but no...he's so gonna own that block now >.>. NO MR. LEE?!?!!? WHYYYY?!?!?! I took the friggin Math Hon. so I could get him for math, he's such an awesome teacher! But noooOOOooo I have to get Mr. Yuen -.-. Wendy got lucky enough to get Mr. Lee, again! Mou....no fair! AND AND AND I got Ms. Wong for Chem!!!!!! AAAAAHHHH! SHE'S SO SCARY! Last year, she substituted for our chem teacher once. Me and my friend didn't mention to her that we were supposed to take a test that day coz we thought it was gonna be moved coz our teaher wasn't there...then at the end of the class she totally yelled at us for not telling her. Made us stay through the next block. So embarassing! So yah I'm terrified. Other than that, the other teachers seem fine. I got Ms. Romain again! Yay! I stopped by her new classroom today and waved hi. My old French classroom [portable] and my old Japanese room switched. Oddball got that very room our Momoyama fav class had. Bummer...she's gonna be all nostalgic every math class ^^". I'm thankful I didn't though...coz...it'll hurt...very much. But no emo today! Nada! Mmmhmmm...Good Zam ^^

    Didn't see quite a lot of people. Must've missed them...oh well we'll see more tomorrow...when we go to all of our blocks. Hehehe I saw second [another nickname] he has longer hair now. Sorta like god's but neater. "Trying to be cool" Oddball commented. Haha. I heard god groan for some reason 0.o. Nena, an old friend from way back in grade 8 came back =O. She transferred school during gr 9 I think and she came back for this year. I barely even recognized her. When she suddenly bursted out hello to me and Oddball I had to stare for a bit to scan through my oddly burry and fuzzy memories who she was. When I remembered I was like "Oh! Nena!" XD. Yah no classes with her either >.>. Then I saw this kid talking to Kelsie, I had to squint again [this time longer] to remember who she was. Then she said "Jap class". And I was like "oh! right!" mehehehe...I don't even know her name...but yah I know her by face =].

    Oddball got ambushed by unwanted people a lot. Had to pull her out of there haha XD.

    Walked home with a bunch of my friends too. Poor Oddball had to go home alone. Hope she feels better... Walked home with... Mindy, J9, Junana, Wendy and Zoe. I find it funny how one by one we all had to separate as we walked home. First to go was J9. Then Mindy by the skytrain. Then Junana. Then me. And then there were two. Wendy and Zoe had to buy stuff at the mall.

    And so yah! That ends my day today...The whole thing took about 2 and a half hours...it seemed longer than that somehow. Hahaha...

    Zam out! [that's so weird...me saying that...but I wanted to try =P]

A Lolita's Rant

Saturday, October 04, 2008

  • Unexpected Laughter

    ----------------------------------------------

    haha ok back from my somewhat hiatus =P

    well you can't really expect me to diligently write stuff down about my day to day happenings every single day...

    I am one of the laziest people you'll ever meet after all.

    So! On with our story today...Junana's parteh!!!

    I'm gonna say it now...I didn't expect to have that much fun! I apologize for prejudicing it prior to the event...

    I kinda resent that I bought such a cheap gift...originally, I planned to not to spend too much because I was only gifting for the sake of courtesy, but now I kinda regret having done so. Junana deserved better. Plus, it was quite embarassing when the "present time" --as her lovely aunt referred to the gift-opening part -- came. Everyone else bought such expensive looking (though not really) gifts. Branded wallet, a purse, a bag, bath accessories, photo album, journal, photo clip thingy, awesome pencil case, earrings, clothes, lots of candies, and make-up sets. And yet, guess what I got her.... a small bag of Purdy's chocolate pretzels and a dollar-store bought birthday card ^^". She commented "oh! Purdy's!"... "ok nice card" ....I feel so cheap DX

    Heh..kay. That's that. More on the happy parts. It's such a kiddy party I love it! Not like those crazy teen sweet 16 birtday party you see in TV. We played pin...well more like tape the tail on the donkey, musical chairs, cherades, and toy bowling. Haha it was like revisting those old days XD. Fun! Fun! Fun!

    Such a horrid day outside though. Wendy said it was a bad omen [on the contrary though, the day turned out pretty well]. Ugly ugly sky. All dark and gloomy. Raining. And wind blowing like crazy. Plus, we had to wait outside for a good 5 mins. coz the buzzer won't work D=. Just when the weather decided to spin out the hardest winds of the day. Yah our hair ruined, our pants soaked, and the tissue papers in our gifties are ALREADY soaked ^^". Later, she told us something along the lines of the faxmachine wouldn't buzz us in and open the door. How we got in? An old lady came and unlocked the door. We grabbed it open and went in ^^. Oh yah there were funny arrows and balloons directing us where to go. Haha it was a big apartment building. Has a pool, a gym, a court, and public washrooms and all. Not to mention the hall where the party was held. It had a piano inside. Wendy played a couple of pretty songs...like my favourite --Babar's opening song =3.

    I found the arrows and balloons funny =D. At the end of the day, I scrambled up the arrows pointing to different directions (e.g. up to the ceiling XD).

    The birthday girl was dressed in this vibrant red semi-formal dress with a tiara on top. I sorta liked the dress. So much balloonies! =D and the ceiling looked so festive with all the colourful streamers.  Junana's brother stalked us all with his camera. He acted like a mini ravi. Daniel = mini Ravi.

    I drew faces on the balloons. There was Chip whom I left in the care of Junana. And there's this really cute one I have yet to name ^^. Zoe told us about her parents' stunning revelation that she and her brother were supposed to have a younger sibling. Except she had a miscarriage through bad food 0.0. Oh and J9 did the craziest thing today as I heard the loudest and really frantic scream I've ever heard in a long time. J9 hid in the public washroom. Then when Oddball opened the door, J9 jumped us and said boo or something...but it was most probably her infamous "HI!!!". But yah it had Oddball screaming like those people in horror movies. "AAAAAAHHH!!!". The people upstairs who were having conversations at the time, glared us down from the staircase D=.

    Food. Hehe when we first got there, Junana's aunt had to persuade us for quite a while to eat. And whenever food was mentioned they all go "Zam" "Zammy?" "Zam!"...mehehhe... what can I say...I like food =D. Food was good. Jam tarts, cheese, mini sausages, pizza, cake, and of course water. Everyone else drank pop. I don't like pop ^^". Her aunt was like "Zaaammm, you can drink better than that"..mehehhe... I'm sticking with my wahtah. I'm still full right this second.

    Guests. Me, myself and I. Oddball. J9 of course. Wendy. Zoe. Jennifer. Rebecca. Rachel. Angela and another Rachel --they're from another school. Ivy her [Junana's] cousin. Daniel her brother. Little boy whose name is unknown, I'm guessing Ivy's little brother. Another cousin of hers. Two aunts or was the other one her mom? Her dad [or so I assume he is]. And her grandpa. Her aunt, the one who urged us with the food is funny =]. Very lively and friendly. I likes. She mentioned that Junana's grandpa has Alzheimer's =[. A very terrible disease, but it makes me happy to see that they still take care of him and he's not stuck at some nursing home. Makes me go all awwww =3. She also mentioned that he took care of Junana ever since she was little, and that he taught Junana how to read. "Toys R Us"...she read it as "that's Toys Russ" XD. Oh! And Junana's nick name is "Rozi".

    Musical chairs. I have developed a new technique...though it didn't really help me win it all the way through. But basically all you do is walk slower than others leaving a chair or a chair and a half gap from yourself and the person infront of you. You really don't have to worry much about the person in front to be stealing that chair in the gap coz he/she is most likely looking at the chair before the gap-chair. Then when music is turned off, all you have to do is jump in and take the seat ^^. Winners were Becca and Jennifer, they got some hula necklace thingy [Jen purple and Becca green]. But really Jennifer had won it. It was so funny. When the music stopped, she grabbed the chair away and sat on it XD. Smart. Donkey. Great I'm an idiot too =D. That was no where near the butt ^^". I had fun distracting people, or coaching them to the wrong spots ^^. My plan for "the princess" got foiled though. Winner was Oddball. She won a whole package of Oh! Henry minis and a red hawaiian necklace thingy. Cherades. Uhhh how was I supposed to act out Caillou >.>. Les fromage vs BBQ Pork...who knows who won ^^". Bowling. Y'all bowl better blindfolded ^^. Princess says. It was ubruptly finished coz parents were calling us all home haha.

    Well so yah. Overall, it was a pretty awesome day. Glad I didn't miss it =]. Also, I think it made us all feel better. School has been taking its toll on us lately, not just the schoolwork but the crappiness of some people too. It's nice to forget such unfortunes once and a while, and enjoy some unexpected laughter. =]

    ----------------------------------------------

    Happy 16th Birthday Julianna!!! Thanks for the awesome parteh!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

  • Loner in Six

    I, officially hate my grade 11 year.

    BLARG! SCREW THIS! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! SIX?! SIX OUT OF FRIGGIN EIGHT CLASSES AND NO ONE I KNOW IS IN THOSE SIX DREADFUL CLASSES?!?!!?

    And Sarah, why do you have to leave TT__TT....

    So we got to visit all our 8 blocks today...to meet our teachers and to see who's gonna be in it...

    Japanese 10...Loner class #1. I'm always a year behind the grade 11's coz I took Japanese a year later. Does Ms. Eden really have to point out that I'm the only grade 11 in that class? Then all of them grade 10's to stared at me. Hazukashi na! Friggin embarassing man! What the heck happened to Johnson?! He quit Japanese?! And why oh why did Erica have to move to Surrey?! Now I'm like the ONLY grade 11 there... and lucky Suhana will be transferred in grade 11 Japanese I think. Taking the challenge exam I think...*sigh* if only I didn't slack off and actually studied over the summer...I could've done the same thing as her. I asked Ms. Eden what I can do and she said the only option would be to take grade 11 summer school next year...and if I take that, that would mean I won't have Momoyama* for next year [see Momoyama blogs a few pages back]...first day of school on my first block...and already my class outlook is screwed up -.- I hope Mindy gets in to make my Japanese class more bearable...

    Chemistry 12... Loner!...This makes up for Loner class #2. Ms Wong so scary..."We will begin with the reviews immediately next class". She has a certain way or tone to how she says her sentences. The same everytime 0.o. Kinda monotonous but there's a certain way where her tone raises and lowers. She likes to go "blah blah blah and the...?" then students are supposed to finish her sentence for her. I guess it's a way to make sure her kids are listening and paying attention to her. When she reiterrates things...she gets even scarier. I guess the fear will help chase away my laziness in chem. I did so bad last year, partly coz I often didn't feel like doing the homeworks at all. She said homeworks in her class are a biggie, and with my newly Ms-Wong-phobia, I probably would listen now, and do my homeworks properly. She said [well actually all teachers said this before] that if you do the homework you should be fine in the tests. I guess I didn't really believe that until she herself told us that. She also mentioned that if you don't do her homeworks at all, then there's no way you can ace her tests without a miracle. Note to self: better listen to Ms. Wong and do whatever she tells me to. But yah. Had to sit alone in that class again. I need someone to sit beside with...coz there are a lot of labs to do...so one really needs a partner. It doesn't help that I dislike the only gr 11's in there. It doesn't help that there were quite a lot of gr 12's in there [well duh...it's Chemistry TWELVE]. And it doesn't help that there are 25 students in that class either. I might as well be the odd one out -.-...again. Oh yah, can you believe that we already got some worksheets to look over? Sig figs..it shouldn't be that big of a problem...but still.

    French 11... Yay Ms. Romain but....Once again I have become a loner in that class. Loner class numbah 3! Would've been fine if Sarah didn't have to transfer out. But luck seems to play around my shitty year this way. Would've befriended Lucy too if she wasn't already taken by Dahsom. So my chances getting a friend there has been drained to zero percent. I did sorta talk to a girl in there. I had to. We were forced to find a person we didn't know and partner up for the game. Anyway, her name's Julie. International Student too. Reminds me of Claudia except more timid. But yah she's from Germany too. Isn't that cool? She can speak German, English and French. Too bad she'll only be staying for five months. Great. After five months I would sink to something even lower than a loner. Anyway, lots of crappy people in that class. Oh a whole load of barbies* [see previous post]. My French classes seem to always magnetize barbies a lot. So like last year, 90% of my French class are barbies. Then Ms. Romain said something about the speeches we had to do. Got worried about my braces. Just how was I supposed to enunciate with these things grappling on your teeth?

    Socials Studies 11... Oh Finally! S'about time I see some lovely faces...Friends! Julianna, Grace, Eunice and Gigi. Goodness, I would've cried if I had to go through every Day 1's alone. Ah, reminds me of sad sad gr 8 and 9 days. Hmmm so yah...Ms. Ghani is still in her last months of her maternal leave. So for the time being we get Ms. Neff. She seems ok. Some scary people [names will not be mentioned] and stupidly annoying people again [mainly Jon Royal]. But I could survive, so long as I have my friends in there.

    Biology Hon 11...now how in the world did I get into Bio Honours?! I don't even remember signing up for it. Oh wells, at least I'm not alone. Wendy and Gigi are there. Yay. As expected, Ms. Samra is a "smiley person". Mehehehe...she seems nice =]. She had us write down some stuff on what to expect and such, and all I can think off is..."Disection seems fun". Hee. Oh yah! Welcome back from Hong Kong Gigi!

    BA Animation...what does BA stand for? 0.o. Anyway, this block as well as the following blocks for Day 2's will all be loner classes. So yah loner class #4! I opened the door thinking I was late, then I saw a classfull of people inside...eep! that obviously wasn't my class! Shoot! What an idiot. Closed the door right away. When they left my animation class got settled in. BIG PEOPLE* EVERYWHERE! [*see previous post] But I could barely even notice that fact, when I realized I'm the only gr 11 girl aside from Michelle. Wow. So yah. Ok no god* [*see previous post] in here *phew*. But big people...dammit I'll go sulk again...on this very class I was supposed to like the most. Sarah why can't they put you in here D=. I'll kick those 2 other people out and sneak you in =[

    English 11... Ms. Bryant. Good/nice teacher I heard...again, should've been fine with Sarah, but she's transferring out TT__TT. Loner class #5! Craptastic people are there too. Oh Alice is in there...she was sitting alone, sometimes talking to Sohma. So if it comes right down to it, I might as well talk to Alice. Haha PingPong [another nickname...Myron should know ^^] might get mad though. Oh wells. According to Myron, PingPong doesn't even remember me. That's good. Well there's this kind-looking girl behind me...might talk to her as well. But Sarah why do you have to leave me =[

    Math Principles 11... I guess you can say semi-loner class coz I have one friend there. J9. But still if she has to miss one day I'll be all...you know it!...alone...again! Loner class #6! I came a little early. I sat by the wall. I already had the feeling I'll be all alone in this one too. I get this notion that some unknown force out there has been screwing up my entire life slowly but painfully through out the whole year. Nena came, said hi, but just as fast, she turned searching for other people to sit beside with. I don't mind that much. At least she said hi. Existence acknowledged--somewhat. Then I almost jumped for joy when J9 walked in. Always as lively. Like all the rantings and hyperness in the world combined in just one person. But I'm really glad she's like that...let some of her radiance rub off of me. One can't sit in darkness and lonesome forever you know. Julie came in too, I stared at her until she felt my eyes jabbing through her back haha. I waved hi. She said hi. Ah Mr. Yuen. At least he seems less boring than Mr. Coleborn, errr no offence ^^". I just realized, when Gigi and Wendy mentioned it to me in Bio, that I didn't get in Math Hon. So THAT's why I didn't get Mr. Lee. Bummer. Wendy's all alone in Mr. Lee's class too. What'd I tell you? Shitty year that's for sure.

    I can't stand being so...so...isolated!

    Other events...

    Ms. Sihota [reading her name reminds me of Shota T_T] asked me to run an errand to the office. Already, she knew my name 0.0.

    I had to call Oddball first thing in the morning coz I thought we were going to our Block A's first. Turns out we still had homeroom.

    He's not in any of my class this year so sorry Myron =P can't look after him for yah.

    I don't like Eren nymore. German Eren. Won't say hi to him anymore either. I waved at him today by the staircase. Then he just greeted me a short hi then elbowed his friend and they both laughed. -.- what the hell...I was trying to be polite.

    Lunch. Saw Claudia sitting with the other international kids. It seems like the old Russian table from the previous years has now been converted into the German table...0.0...and as expected no more Cafeteria fries. As junkfood are now prohibited to be sold inside the school property. Wonder what's gonna happen to Southpoint then. Anyway, Caf. Wow...too much healthy stuff. Who the heck eats oatmeal at school?!

    Found out that my creepy neighbour is in gr 8 now at South too. *shudders* I find it iffy when he's looking at me...I don't think he saw me yet though...oh but he will...that same stupid bad luck I have had his locker just a couple of metres away from mine. *shudders again*. Such a creepo that kid is. No offence but yah. Today my brother told me that he asked him where I was. Ugh! Can this year be any worse?!

    ...Months from now, when I read this I'm pretty sure I'll be saying something along the lines of...

    "You have no idea"

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

  • Only One Hundred and Seventy Seven Days of School Left!

    OOOH YAH!!!

    I wish I had more sleep. But I have always been like that...always on the day before or just hours before the first day of school...I always get so restless. So yah, had almost no sleep last night. Went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up at 8am the next day 0.0. So yah still groggy...

    As I was walking back to school, something I've done a jillion times, for some odd reason I felt kinda scared....weird.

    Got there. Met up with my friends. And oh my god--SO MUCH PEOPLE! I haven't seen such a crowd [or should I say mob] in a long time man. Little barbies screaming and jumping here and there. A couple of older barbies hugging and similarly exclaiming as well. Though, we're grade 11's now, there were still quite a lot of big people. Well...there were also some lower grades who were taller then me mehehhee...but big people [definition: huge, bulky, ginormous, grade 12's] yah.

    Homeroom with Vel and Zoe again! Awesome! Didn't notice Monica and Daisy until I stared hard enough in their direction. Monica's hair seemed darker...wonder if she dyed it 0.0. Then Daisy she got prettier in my opinion. Hehe just like Myron XD who is now sulking in Winnipeg. [Darn, I wanna be prettier too D=] Oh and Soo Young or however u spelled it got her braces too. Like moi.

    Got our schedules. My Sihota, my new homeroom teacher, said my shirt was cute. Hee. It's Pebbles =D. It was orange-ish-yellow and somehow I attracted bees throughout the whole day -.-. Not cool. Never been stung before and I have no intention at all to experience such pain.I settled with running and screeching away from them once in a while. Mehehehe....

    Vel got new shoes so I spent part of my day trying to step on her left shoe. Coz I already stepped on her right during homeroom...under the desk haha. I'm a supah ninja! Zoe did too so I stepped on 'em. I took no pity on Oddball's new flats. So yep I stepped on them too. Muahahaha!

    My new locker is just 2 lockers away from my old grade 8 one. Ahh memories. Met quite a handful of jerks by that locker mhmm. But anyways being there again was pretty cool XD. Hope I meet run into different people this time. My locker was in between Vel's and Zoe's --okay not so important info but who cares! =]

    George, one of our International Students somehow got into my homeroom. I wondered why, coz I thought all of them International Students were all  in Ms Bell's class 0.o. Later we found out that he got the room wrong. Hehehe silly kid. Once they asked Oddball for some questions for tomorrow, I butted [is that a word? 0.0] in and told Lucas--yes directly at Lucas "dont be late" hehehehe. Coz he missed the whole day fieldtrip last Friday. Lucas has pretty eyes, and I agree with Oddball that his whole feature is pretty. But his eyes were the best.

    Ran around finding who'll be in my classes. I only got one Grace, one Wendy, and one Jenny Fu. Everyone else were like "nothing", "nothing", "nothing". Grrrrrr! No International kids either. No Claudia, no George, no Lucas, no Eren, no Brent, no Alex. Oh! And speaking of Int. kids...never knew Ashley and Kelsie were Int. students!?! Darn I've known them for a year and I never knew...psh.

    No classes with Gen again, weird coz we've known each other for 4 years now I think. And never once did we have any classes together. No Oddball, no Vel, no Zoe, no J9, no Junana [actually Julianna but I like saying Junana better ^^], no Becca, no Jen. no Elmer....bleh! I don't want god [it's a nickname, I apologize if this offends people, but yah he was given such a name coz he used to pwn at absolutely everything] to be in my animation class!!! -.-. At least give me one class where I can pwn! *sigh* but no...he's so gonna own that block now >.>. NO MR. LEE?!?!!? WHYYYY?!?!?! I took the friggin Math Hon. so I could get him for math, he's such an awesome teacher! But noooOOOooo I have to get Mr. Yuen -.-. Wendy got lucky enough to get Mr. Lee, again! Mou....no fair! AND AND AND I got Ms. Wong for Chem!!!!!! AAAAAHHHH! SHE'S SO SCARY! Last year, she substituted for our chem teacher once. Me and my friend didn't mention to her that we were supposed to take a test that day coz we thought it was gonna be moved coz our teaher wasn't there...then at the end of the class she totally yelled at us for not telling her. Made us stay through the next block. So embarassing! So yah I'm terrified. Other than that, the other teachers seem fine. I got Ms. Romain again! Yay! I stopped by her new classroom today and waved hi. My old French classroom [portable] and my old Japanese room switched. Oddball got that very room our Momoyama fav class had. Bummer...she's gonna be all nostalgic every math class ^^". I'm thankful I didn't though...coz...it'll hurt...very much. But no emo today! Nada! Mmmhmmm...Good Zam ^^

    Didn't see quite a lot of people. Must've missed them...oh well we'll see more tomorrow...when we go to all of our blocks. Hehehe I saw second [another nickname] he has longer hair now. Sorta like god's but neater. "Trying to be cool" Oddball commented. Haha. I heard god groan for some reason 0.o. Nena, an old friend from way back in grade 8 came back =O. She transferred school during gr 9 I think and she came back for this year. I barely even recognized her. When she suddenly bursted out hello to me and Oddball I had to stare for a bit to scan through my oddly burry and fuzzy memories who she was. When I remembered I was like "Oh! Nena!" XD. Yah no classes with her either >.>. Then I saw this kid talking to Kelsie, I had to squint again [this time longer] to remember who she was. Then she said "Jap class". And I was like "oh! right!" mehehehe...I don't even know her name...but yah I know her by face =].

    Oddball got ambushed by unwanted people a lot. Had to pull her out of there haha XD.

    Walked home with a bunch of my friends too. Poor Oddball had to go home alone. Hope she feels better... Walked home with... Mindy, J9, Junana, Wendy and Zoe. I find it funny how one by one we all had to separate as we walked home. First to go was J9. Then Mindy by the skytrain. Then Junana. Then me. And then there were two. Wendy and Zoe had to buy stuff at the mall.

    And so yah! That ends my day today...The whole thing took about 2 and a half hours...it seemed longer than that somehow. Hahaha...

    Zam out! [that's so weird...me saying that...but I wanted to try =P]

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

  • Am I Really that Cruel?

    GAHDAMMIT!!!...got into some sorta fight with her tonight...ugh! I AM SO STUPID! ME AND MY RETARDED BIG MOUTH!!!

    I TRY OK?! I TRY! I really DO try and be nice...to try and cope with the pain...hide it if I can...the sting...the emoness...the stupid jealousy and envy. I do!

    Because if I don't...if I don't--I know I'll end up hurting more than myself...one emo person is enough...I don't want to drag people into my dark corner...just me...if I could help it...at least others can enjoy themselves right? I would hate myself even more if I spoil the moments for them...

    But ugh....I can't always just keep it all under control, ok? I'm human too--I slip up too!

    But this was beyond some mistake! I was at fault! It was entirely my fault...I was being an ass...gah!

    Now, if you have read my super-long posts before...you should've picked up the harsh rejection I received from the very culture I loved so much. They brought me wordless frustration and disappointment. So much so that it has resulted for one of my most emo days yet...also resulting to such display messages as..."ね...神さまはひどいですか. だって...毎日 と毎日 な-いったいよ! だから…だから! どうしよう!?!...どうしよう…助けて...おねがい"

    Ok so...it started off as some random convo...then I brought up the Momoyama kids [HUGE mistake]. Then I made an even BIGGER mistake by commenting...

    "this is gonna sound emo [you have been warned]...I wanna stop thinking about them...stop bringing them up...coz I only end up hurting myself"

    WHAT THE HELL was I expecting?! Pity? Sympathy? Empathy? Pat on the back with the "aww it's ok" crap? I already argued with myself a couple dozen times that self-pity NEVER solves ANYTHING!....NEVER accomplishes anything...NEVER proves ANYTHING...it's just another useless excuse one gives oneself to have a reason to be down when really it could be better...

    STUPID!

    then she got all sad...she was very much well-liked more than I was...but now that I think about it...perhaps that too was my fault. I wasn't as outgoing as them. Too quiet. Too timid. Less approachable. I probably scared them if not bored them. But anyway...back to the point...I got her all sad with my idiotic remark...She complained on how she can't even talk about them to me [or to her other bestfriend] anymore since I get depressed when I'm reminded by them.

    And I got even more unreasonable when I said "that's ok" "u can talk about ur class with yeesoo and naomi" "y'all can relate"...gawd!...can I be any more STUPID?!... Name me the worst friend ever. Brand me the most insensitive friend ever! I knew she didn't like them. And of course she'd also disliked the fact that I have grouped her with them. As part of them. Someone like them. She didn't like them coz she was afraid they were going to steal her class away from her...and instead of being a good bestfriend--one that I should have been when they were tormenting her...I have betrayed her by taunting her like that! Like I said....I, Zamantha, thereby proclaim myself the most heartless friend anyone ever had!

    That hurt her. I'd hurt her--I know...And I regret it [even more now that I'm reflecting on what I've done]. I apologized...but it just doesn't seem so sincere over on msn...she replied:

    "why do you do that?"

    ...I really had no clue how to answer...I stuttered...

    "oh...uhhh...i guess coz...well...it's the only way I can relate [or was it comment] on the issue"

    she goes "well I guess you just don't realize how much I hate it"...

    When she said that....when I read that....I wanted to smash my head on the wall. Turn back time and slap my stupid head to stop myself from ever commenting so horribly...so coldly...so bloody stupidly. I could reason out like "oh I meant it as a joke" but it doesn't cover it really. I know I'm terrible at jokes and puns but that was still a mixture of my undying jealousy of her. Of THEM! Of all the other volunteers...they keep talking about oh how they got e-mails from this person and that, all the way from Japan. How they're still having fun conversations though they're half a world apart. How some will even write them all a letter. And all I could do is just nod...hold back tears...think of some unknown and inexistent happy place...even PRETEND that I got at least one e-mail too!

    Is it really that wrong to be jealous? That sinful to envy them so much? That's all I could feel when I'm surrounded by them...I'm amazed that there's no single hatred at all...no anger...just the whole bitterness from the green-eyed monster I have become...

    I guess...while in that convo...I  guess...I guess...I just...snapped.