Monday, January 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 02:07:42 GMT

i thought it was about time to update and to tell you whats going on, and why i dont have the time no more for xanga. theres so much to tell but iam just really busy right now with school because i got this one chance to finish 8th grade directly because i had to do a test and they said i could do it, only i have to work a whole lot extra to catch up. i got tutoring and i have to do extra work everyday but i dont care, even if its really a lot of work, if i make it then i wont have lost a whole year last year and also, i had a whole year off so now its about time to get back to work.

the teachers in my new school are mostly nice, except one but i can handle it and i just dont give him the pleasure of bringing me down you know, i sortof ignore him when he gets nasty. i dont care, he cant touch me and he cant hurt me, iam just stronger then him. i feel like being almost untouchable in a way, he can say anything he wants and i just dont react you know, i think it drives him crazy, but he does it to other kids too. i can tell he likes it to bring people down, and some people react and he likes that even more, its sortof a game to him i think, but he wont get me.

i made new friends so i get to hang out in the weekend, and these are becoming real friends not like the fake friends i had before, i dont mean my friends on the island but the ones i had were i lived before. i got invited to a party next week, and i think iam going to ask this girl out. well she asked me to come to the party but i know she likes me and i like her too, shes really hot but shes also really nice and cool to be with and thats important too. but i know other girls like me too but i like this one most so iam going to ask her to go out with me.

i havent forgotten about sarah yet, and were still good friends. we just decided that it aint no use trying to keep it up while we live so far apart you know, so we just said that maybe we can be together again when we get to be together again, but for now we can see other people. and i still love sarah, shes just real special to me and she will always be but shes like thousands of miles away and were young so we dont want to get tied up like that right now.

she said that she wasnt going out with anyone yet but i guess it wont be long either. we still email alot and i tell her whats happening to me now and i told her about this girl already and that i might go out with her and she said it was cool with her. but its still weird you know, the way we werent really able to say goodbye and now were going to go out with other people, i dont know, its just a weird idea to think of, i mean that shes going to be with another guy soon and i guess it must be the same for her to hear that iam going to be with another girl.

my mom found a new job and she starts next week and things are realy different now, i mean not like we were before and also with my dad, we just never had a lot of money and now my mom still dont but its just different, we got enough to buy stuff and i got a shitload of new clothes already and we bought other stuff too and my mom is careful, but she can buy stuff now, so that has changed.

she changed too, she really did this time. i told her everything in the first days we got here, i told her more about my uncle and even all the stuff from last year like about me wanting to kill myself and everything else and i think it changed her because for the first time shes really a mom to me and she listens and its just cool to be with her now. i even like going shopping with her, especially when katie comes along then we really have fun, but just me and my mom is cool too. i dont know, she says she still misses phil but shes also glad that shes got me back, but she doesnt talk much about phil with me, maybe shes just avoiding the subject but i can talk to her now and thats what counts for me.

my dad was found not guilty for killing the guy because of some other guys testemony, but hes still in prison for other things but he can get out on parole in november if everything goes well. i went to see him in prison, it was a strange experience but i was glad to see him again, and i think he was glad to see me. i almost cried when i saw him but i held it back because my dad dont like it when i cry, and i just didnt want to get him mad or something or like, disappointed you know, i wanted it to go well and it did and we talked a while and then i had to go but iam going back next weekend and i can see him at least once a month like that untill he gets out and he said we would do something cool then and i can decide what, but i still enough time to think about it. i just hope that he will be different too, i just hope he doesnt hit me, not like before and not at all because that would ruin everything you know, but maybe its good that its going to take a while longer before he gets out, he will have more time to get used to the new me.

i also cant wait to go surfing but i havent had time yet, but its ok, i dont mind working hard as long as i get what i want in the end, i hope i dont do this all for nothing. but its looking good and i really get a lot of help. i am just tired all the time even if i sleep better. i still get nightmares but really a whole lot less then before. now i often dream about flying, you know that i can fly. i just spread my arms and i go up and away, its a part of the nightmare now but its also sortof a nice dream being able to fly. i love it, sometimes i wished i didnt wake up so i could keep on flying, just get away like that when i need to.

i cant wait to get the internetphone thing set up, were getting it this week, because now i still have to email with my family and with my friends and sarah back on the island. we also call sometimes, i love to talk to everyone there you know, but its expensive so we never talk long. but its also hard because i miss them like crazy, and iam really looking forward to this summer, their coming here by the end of june, and then i go there with charley in august. i just cant wait to be with them again and to have charley with me all summer, but in the meantime i just have to work hard, it also makes time go by real quick so its all good.

so thats whats happening to me right now and thats why you wont find me on here for a while. i just got too much work to do and i also got a real life now. before i had so much time to get on here and write and comment everyday, but thats over now, at least until the summer i think. and i like school now and i like the kids there and i think most of them like me too so iam doing good. and sorry if i dont comment back, but thanks for all the comments, the nice ones at least. i did read all of them and i will check my site from time to time and read new comments and maybe ill update again sometime but i dont know when.

one more thing though, because i just want you to know that i dont have another xanga and i also still dont have a messenger. i mean like if i dont have time to do xanga i really dont have time to get on a messenger, so if anyone tells you hes me, then dont believe him because it wont be me!!! so dont talk to him because you will be wasting your time.

thats whats going on

z a n e

zane_insane's Xanga

Monday, January 30, 2006