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| Stepsit was scary at first but you would think that one would not be afraid of something that is good for you.
everyone wants to get better right?
then why are we always scared of making that step, are we scared of getting better?
maybe because we initially thought nurturing ourselves would be painless, but occasionally its even more painful pulling out what we have so carefully hidden with such effort.
I put that away God because it was breaking me apart. It was controlling my mind and I didn't have one second of freedom from those thoughts from those memories.
"Coincidents? I call them God-incidents"
Thank you for all those God-incidents in my life, and especially recently in this past month. Thank you for giving me the strength and tools to take a step forward.
God turn my fear and frustration into faith and fulfillment.
Nourishment makes things healthy. Healthy things grow.
Healthy things grow.
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| spirit touch your church
stir the hearts of men
revive of us Lord
with your passion once again
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| im sorry. this entry is going to be emo.My internet is finally working. This past month especially I've realized how insecure I am and how much we hold on to experiences that have tormented us in the past. I feel ashamed that at times God's love is not good enough for me to leave those insecurities. I remember this one guy even told me I reminded him of the song "Miss Independent". I think I am generally more independent than other girls but...then in other ways I'm not. I never thought my self-esteem was this low. I put on a really good front on how much bad relationships affected my cofidence. I have none.
For such a long time I was able to hold it in, but now that I find my relationships are calling me to be more open and trusting...it's been more emotional than i like it to be. I realize that I freely open a preview of my heart to people but not for long they find themselves face to face to the walls that surround an inner part of myself.
I know we all have a lot of baggage. Especially us girls right? I just always boasted to myself how well I've been doing...how God has finally brought me to the point where I don't feel anything about those experiences at all. Which I guess was just wishful thinking on my part. I don't think we're meant to forget those things, but I'm not sure why I have to always be slapped in the face by them either.
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| my internet hasn't been working at home since sunday=] Happy One Year
08.19.07
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| I am a new creation,
no more in condemnation.
Here in the grace of God I stand.
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