Diaries from Down Under
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Name: Suzanne
Country: United States
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Member Since: 7/22/2004

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Monday, May 19, 2008

I have no right to tell God what our relationship needs to look like.

Idols are so sneaky.

I don't want to walk by faith through this.  I just want it to be different.  But there will be no instintanious change.  I've tried the opposite of walking by faith.  And I refuse to go back.

I don't understand.  But I've never been asked to understand.  Just believe.

When the world is falling out from under me
I'll be found in You still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

- Brooke Fraser


Sunday, February 17, 2008

Life is so interesting.  And so unpredictable.
 
But so is God, for that matter.
 
This weekend, I think I've deeply felt almost every human emotion.  And all of them showed up unexpectedly.  
 
I didn't expect to be the one to comfort my new friend when she learned her mom had just committed suicide.  I didn't expect to hear that my friend's dad is in jail.  And I didn't expect to listen to my friend tell me how earlier that day, she watched the life leave her dad and then see the doctors shock him to bring his heart life again.
 
But I also didn't expect to make so many new friends this weekend.  I didn't expect to reach this deeper level with the ones I already have.  I didn't expect to have so much fun playing ultimate in the rain and the mud.  I didn't expect to rejoice with someone over health insurance.  I didn't expect to feel so loved and accepted.  I didn't expect to find this place of peace with God.
 
I didn't expect to laugh so hard this weekend.  I didn't expect to cry that much.  I didn't expect to go to bed so full of hope and then wake up with lies being the first thing on my mind.  I didn't expect Him to bring such a quick victory.
 
I didn't expect God to show up where He did.... when He did.
 
You just never know what God's gonna do.
 
I found myself driving back towards the city this morning just as the sun was coming up.  The skyline was in front of me and the fresh sun was peaking up behind it.  I haven't been able to get that picture out of my mind all day.
 
As I got closer to Dallas, I was still trying to sort through everything that had recently happened.  I never could have known what to expect when I woke up Saturday morning.  So unpredictable.
 
So unlike the sun as it comes up.  It's predictable.  And fresh.  Everyday.
 
It reminds me of when Jeremiah said, "His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is Your faithfulness."
 
In this midst of the completely unpredictable way God orchestrates life, He Himself is incredibly consistent.  I think that's what draws me to Him.  And makes me want to embrace life for all I can.  I don't think I ever want to get rid of the adventurous, unknown side of life.  No matter what that might look like.  But I never want to do it without my consistent, steady, faithful God.
 
What a weekend.
 
"When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the skys roll up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You"
- Brooke Frasier


Sunday, November 11, 2007

Incarnational Ministry.  This is one of the most impacting and life changing concepts I’ve learned at seminary.

 

Incarnational Ministry is what Jesus modeled for us.  He left His home and moved to a new one.  In some ways, He gave up His identity in order to identify with us.  He gave up His rights, His privileges, and His will in order to live among us and serve us.  He focused on what we needed most.  And he worked to meet that.

 

So when we minister to people, we need to have the same attitude.  (This may sound familiar if you’ve ever read Philippians chapter 2.)  We need to immerse ourselves in the world of the people we’re serving.  We can’t only go be among them when we feel like it or when it’s convenient to us.  Jesus didn’t move back and forth between heaven and earth.  He stayed here until His task was finished.  He never stopped being like us or identifying with us throughout His entire ministry.

 

This convicts me of all the times, past and current, when I chose to minister to people at an arm’s length away.  The times when I chose to cling to the parts of my identity that would have been better lost.  And when I chose to stay in the bubble of what was familiar instead of break into a place, an uncomfortable place no doubt, that would have made an eternal impact in someone’s life.

 

Jesus had no place for that kind of thinking in His ministry.  And there should be no place for that kind of thinking in mine.  If the sinful Savior was able to dig into the filth and messiness of a fallen world, how much more should I, a saved sinner, be quick to go and reach into the filth and messiness of another person?

 

I’m so thankful to be part of the CARES ministry!  It’s the perfect opportunity to put all of this into practice.  CARES is a ministry within apartment communities.  My roommate, Bobbie, and I are missionaries to our neighbors.  The management gives us the responsibility of planning all of the social events for the apartment.  Through that, we build relationships and use the open doors to share the gospel and help people get connected to churches.

 

I love my apartment community!  It’s definitely not an environment I’m used to.  The day I moved in, I thought to myself- ‘How am I ever going to fit in here?’

 

The demographics are very diverse.  We have babies all the way up to retired couples.  We have students, working professionals, and unemployed.  Some of my neighbors drive cars so nice that I’m afraid to go near them- just in case I accidentally scratch it or something.  And then some of my neighbors live off of heavy government assistance.  Sadly enough, the one thing we don’t have much of is fathers.  It’s rare to have so much diversity within one community.  But then again, this is Dallas.

 

The neighbors we see the most are the ones on the lower end of the economic scale.  They are the ones that tend to come out to our events.  I have a couple of theories for this.  They probably appreciate and need the free meals more than anyone else.  And since they don’t have much money, they have to stay home a lot because they can’t afford to do anything.  So they tend to be more bored and lonely.  And they’ll come hang out with us.  The benefit of this is that they’re clearly needy.  They know it.  They don’t have enough money to buy their happiness, or more accurately, to numb their pain.  So they’re open to start a relationship.  And we’ve found that they are more open to talk about spiritual things and the gospel.  Whereas some of our other neighbors have the means to distract themselves. 

 

So this is where I live. 

 

And this middle-class Mid-western white girl doesn’t always know how to identify with many of my inner-city Dallas ghetto neighbors.  But I’m learning.  I’m learning how to part with the pieces of my identity that are actually a hindrance to the gospel.  I’m learning to plan an extra 15 minutes for my walk to the mailbox just in case I pass by a neighbor I can strike up a conversation with.  I’m learning to give up my privacy and my rights and my privileges and my comforts in order to present Jesus in a way that my neighbors will understand. 

 

Putting this into practice changes the way I take out the trash.  It changes the way I walk out my front door.  It changes my schedule.  It changes the things I commit my time to. 

 

And I have a feeling that this experience is going to change forever the way I live my life.


Saturday, October 20, 2007

365 days later.....

- I love Him more
- I've learned to embrace and appreciate the depths of my emotions yet not be enslaved to them
- I've experienced God's grace in a fresh new way
- I've seen God's faithfulness in the midst of my unfaithfulness
- I've discovered that I can't love others.
- I'm fully convinced that He won't leave me behind.
- I'm confident that no matter where I go, He'll never leave me
- I'm still willing to say 'where ever He leads, I'll go'

 

 


Thursday, October 04, 2007

Today I praise God for....

answered prayers
Christ
doing homework
Jax
mornings with Him
Pauline
Carol
phone calls from New Zealand
stress-free exams
finding my lunch!
passing out fliers
perspective
the phone calls I don't get
Nelly

 

 



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