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| PIXIE
March 3, 2004 - January 3, 2006
Pixie was the best dog a person could have. She was incredbley cute, she knew to go outside when she had to pee or poop, she didn't need to be on a leash while going in the front yard or to the park, and she quickly learned that chewing furniture was wrong. She was always happy, even after being in the crate for a long time or after being punished for anything wrong she would do. She never bit anyone, but she did lick them to death. She loved to lick. She would lay down and lick your hands or your face for as long as you would let her. I think she may of liked licking a little too much, for sometimes she would sit on the chair and lick it for a very long time. Weird, but that's okay. She was always by my side. She was always at the door waiting for me when I got home from work or being out with friends, and she would glady lay next to me for hours while I would sleep for sit on the computer. She was very loud. She would bark at the slightest sound. Sometimes she would even bark when it was silent. Her ears were so big, she could probrably hear noises all the way down the street. I remember when I first got Pixie. I bought her from Petland in Lincoln Square with Jacque. Jacque actually paid for her upfront, but I did pay her back soon after. I wasn't even supposed to get Pixie in the first place. My parents were aware I was going to buy a dog soon, and they were a little uncomfortable about it. We already had one dog, which is my sisters dog, Angel. I ended up buying Pixie without my parents consent one night. I remember, that first night I brought her to Jacque's house, we let her outside to pee and we couldn't find her for about ten minutes. We though we had lost her right then, but she came out of nowhere. We figured she had slipped through a hole that was in the fence. I remember crying then. It's nothing compared to how I've cried because of her sudden illness. I left for work one Friday afternoon, not noticing anything weird with Pixie. On the way home from work, my mom was telling me that they noticed she had stopped barking at the door. Soon after that she began shaking non-stop, panting like crazy, blinking non-stop, and appearing to have lost all coordination. She would jump to get onto a chair and miss. She would even somehow manage to end up throwing herself againt my wall when trying to jump onto my bed, which is just a mattress lying on the ground. We took her to the doctor and came to find out she had a urinal infection. We were given antibiotics and were told that if we don't see improvement within 48 hours to be more concerned. She kept getting worse and worse. It was just three days ago when we took her to the vet. It all happened so fast. This morning we took Pixie to the vet again as soon as the doctor was there, and had to leave her there. I had her wrapped up in the blanket I sleep with, trying to comfort her on the way. Nothing was working though, she shook more and more. She even started fomaing at the mouth by the time we got to the vet. The doctor called to inform us throughout the morning what he was able to figure out about Pixie's illness, which wasn't much, and still isn't. To this very moment we have no idea what exactly caused her extreme sickness. We were told that it looks as though she was poisoned by something, but the doctor couldn't figure out what by. He told us everything on her outside and inside seemed to be healthy except for her neurological state. We eneded up leaving Pixie there at the vet until about 5:30 at night until the family and I, including Angel, all went to see her alive for the last time. She was alive, but sedated and sleeping. Even when sedated, she was shaking. The doctor said the shaking while sleeping was getting worse as well. I spent a few minutes alone with Pixie, and then held her as the doctor put her to sleep. I then held her in the blanket which was kept inside of her crate which she was put in while no one was home to attend to her. I held her all the way home, and then once I was home I layed her on my bed where she stayed for about an hour. The fact that the only creature on earth that I have ever loved as much as I have loved her was lying on my bed without breathing was so hard to deal with. It made it even worse when I realized that today Pixie turned exactly 22 months old. It all seems so unreal and illogical. I quickly gathered all of the toys I could find of hers together. I also grabbed the devil costume I had her wear for halloween last year, her leash, and some of her favorite treats. I cut the blanket which she was wrapped up in in half. Half of it is now buried in my backyard between the shed and the pool along with Pixie and her toys and treats. I will never forget her, and I'm sure all of my friends who has had experiences with her won't either. She was a joy to everyone who ever met her. | | |
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Hmmm... I haven't written in my xanga for a long time. Last time I wrote was the day before the show Half Man played at 1919... damn. Well, the band isn't called Half Man anymore, because that was the name of a band in the early 90's from New York. We changed it to Axe Fight. Yup. Well, all of our past shows have gone really well... the 18th at 1919, the 24th at 1919, the 26th at Rubber Gloves, and the 28th at Plush in Austin. On the 18th we played with these two fuckin metal bands. On the 24th we played with a bunch of touring bands, two from California and one from Tokyo. On the 26th we played with some awesome guys. On the 28th we played with some awesome guys as well. they were good shows. Yeah, I actually rode all the way to Austin in the back of Ricky's pick up truck with Sean and Chris. It was so cold... haha. And we almost died on the way back too. Scary shit. It was a fun show though. All of our shows have been good so far. I remade the Axe Fight website last night, and you can see pictures from some of those shows on there, and a lot of other cool shit as well. Yeah, I'm pretty satisfied with it. I haven't had any reason to design a website for a long time, but yeah, now I do. I made some flyers for two of Axe Fight's upcoming shows that I like a lot too, you can see those in the shows section. The link is http://www.unshadowed.net/axefight.
I haven't really done much lately except for stuff with the band. I've actually been really bored and lonely lately. I hung out with my friend Cassie a few times this last week though. That was fun. It kind of sucked the last time we hung out, haha... only because she was driving and her two right tires popped. That fucking sucked. We were in the parking lot between Buck N' Loons and Whataburger for like four hours. I called Jorel and he and Jarred came up there to try and get another donut for the car and shit, but it didn't work. Cassie ended up having to call her dad and tell him to come get her. She wasn't supposed to be here in Arlington either. She was supposed to be at work, haha. She lives in North Richland Hills, so yeah, that really sucks. I felt bad for her. I had fun with her though.
Yeah, that same night, Ricky got in a fucking bad wreck. On his way to come help Cassie and I, he was merging onto I-20 from 287, and attempting to avoid a semi, he flipped over a median and was half way thrown out of the truck and then thrown back in due to his head hidding the ground. He is okay though, his head got really bruised up and he got a few cuts, and his girlfriend Megan who was in the car with him got a few cuts as well. They are all still breathing though, so everything is alright so far. Ricky still needs to go to the doctor to get his brain checked for brian hemorrhaging, so let's all hope everything goes okay with that. If you don't think this sounds bad enough already, you can go to his myspace and see pictures of his truck. You can see it here: http://www.myspace.com/halfbass. I'm really fucking glad he and his girlfriend didn't get hurt any more than they did. Really fucking glad.
Anyway, yeah, I've been working a lot lately. I don't work at that new Sonic on East Broad street anymore. I now work at the one on the corner of 157 (Cooper) and Debbie Lane, down the street from Ben Barbor. People should come visit me. That would be cool. That Sonic is really weird and small. I was really used to the newer one... oh well. The people there aren't mean or anything, so that's good. I do get a shitload of hours there though. More than I did at the other Sonic anyway. I think I have like about thirty hours this week. I don't know, I still like the other Sonic better. I liked the people there better. Last night I worked, and we closed at like 6:00 P.M. because of all the ice and stuff. There's no school for Mansfield School District today either... yay. I'm supposed to go in to work today at 3:00 P.M. and I was hoping that they would end up just staying closed, but there are a lot of people driving outside and the ice is all pretty much melted... so I bet they are getting business. Well I guess that's all I have to write about even though it's been a really long time since I last wrote on here. Nothing too exciting has happened lately other than my band stuff. I'll try to write sooner next time. | | |
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So it's been more than a week since I last wrote on my xanga... and yeah, now I have a shitload of stuff to write about. I'll start off with Half Man's first show at Red Blood Club. I ended up taking Jacque's car to the show with Jacque, Jorel, and Bryan. We got there about thirty minutes before Half Man went on. Sirens Over Athens was supposed to play before us, but they couldn't because their bassist wasn't there yet. We played our whole set, and I think it went pretty good. After the show, some people told me it was pretty good, so that's good. After that I went to Subway with Jacque and Jorel and ended up getting a thirty dollar ticket for parking in no parking zone for five minutes. How gay. Oh well... I'm going to pay it when I get my paycheck this weekend. No big deal. Jacque and Jorel went home after that, and I went to IHOP with the rest of Half Man. Bryan was able to find a ride home from someone else because he wanted to see the touring bands too. I kind of wanted to see them as well. Oh well. It's all good. Oh yeah, Ricky somehow happened to load up the amp cab that belonged to the guy who does sound for Red Blood Club, haha. He has returned it now though, so hopefully there are no harsh feelings.
On Wednesday night I got to watch my favorite singer ever. I got to see Circa Survive. I drove Sean, Steven, Richie, and Mark. It was a very fun night. I didn't get to see much of Mashlin, but oh well. Mute Math was really freaking cool. Of course, Circa Survive did really well. I ended up buying four shirts and got a few stickers. Yeah... Circa Survive put on a damn good show. People seemed to be more excited about them than they were about Mae. Mae surprisingly let me down a lot. I didn't think they did that good. They were just so boring to watch on stage. I didn't really like any of the new songs they played. They seemed more tight when they played songs off of Destination: Beautiful, but even then it didn't impress me very much. The singing just wasn't the same really. They played like fifteen songs, I swear. I left after hearing about eight maybe and then I got all of the stuff I wanted Anthony Green to sign out of my car. Mark and Richie ended up going home with Ashley, but Sean and Steven satyed with me because they really wanted to meet Anthony as well. I got all of the members to sign the two Circa Survive CD's, Anthony to sign all of the CD's I have with him on it, and Anthony and Colin to sign the Revolution on Canvas book. I told Anthony that he was my favorite singer ever, and he seemed to really like that. He shook my hand and gave me a hug and we talked for maybe about fifteen minutes or so. I asked him about a lot of stuff he's done, and he liked that I knew about some of the not as well known material he's done. He seemed really surprised that I had the Audience of One CD... haha. Yeah, that was pretty amazing. Well after that, I went to Taco Bell and then took Sean and Steven home.
The show on Thursday at UTD kind of sucked. Not because of Half Man or Eat Avery's Bones though, but because of the fact that there were only about fifteen people watching the whole show. There were these really cool looking flyers all over the pub that said "HALF MAN" and "EAT AVERY'S BONES" on them. That was pretty cool. It also said "FREE MUSIC" and "FREE FOOD" on it. I definitely think people were mostly there for the free food and not the free musc. There were a ton of pizza boxes on a bunch of tables, and there were probrably at least a hundred people in line to get some. By the time we had played our set, all of the pizza was gone and there were only those fifteen people left who watched both bands. And yeah, ten of those people were just friends of us and Eat Avery's Bones. Who cares though. We made $125 by playing that show!
Friday was the first day of a fucking awesome weekend. Two reasons why it was so cool: Tommy and Half Man. I'm sitting at home maybe about an hour after getting home from school, and I get a call from Tommy. He tells me he's with Lauren and that he's thinking about staying with me from Saturday night to the end of the weekend if it's alright with me and my parents. I told him it would be fine, and that he should just come right then so he could go to Dallas with Half Man and watch us record. He said he didn't think he would be able to, but yeah, about thirty minutes later he calls me and asks if he can still come that night. So yeah, Tommy comes over for a while and then Jesse comes and picks us up to go record in Dallas. We recorded at the Dallas Sound Labs which is where Destiny's Child and Pantera recorded. Pretty sweet huh? Robocop was filmed right by the studio too. Very sweet. We ended up recording from 8:00 P.M. to 2:00 A.M. just as we had scheduled, and yeah, I think everything went pretty good. Jesse, Sean, and Ricky recorded the whole set together, and then they tracked my vocals in. I swear that the other guys had never sounded so tight and clean before. It was amazing. That was the first time the rest of the band was able to really hear my screaming very good, and they seemed to like it a lot, which is good. It was such a fun night.
On Saturday I went to work from 10:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. Tommy went out with Lauren that whole time. They had to go pick up Lauren's new dog, Donnie. It's the cutest puppy ever, I swear. The bluest eyes I have ever seen. Well after Tommy got back to my house from being with Lauren, my mom took us over to Jesse's apartments and then we were on our way to Fat Daddy's for the Half Man Show. We ended up not getting to the club until around 9:00 P.M. even though we were scheduled to go on stage at 7:00 P.M. This was due to the fact that I left the directions at my house and none of us really knew where we were going. Oh well, we made it. We ended up still being able to play, in fact we were going to headline. Fat Daddy's was a really weird place... as Tommy said it, it seems like The Door of Lewisville. I really liked it a lot though, only really because of the big, low to the ground stage. When we got there, History of our Presence was playing. They didn't impress me at all. They seemed to change styles a lot, and no one really got into the music at all. Some and called Cynosure played next, and I only watched like one and a half songs. They didn't impress me either. The singer was talking to me before they went on and he told me his band was "power pop/metal/post hardcore" and in my head I'm like "Okay so you sound like a mix between new found glory, pantera, and finch?" Whatever. Sivan was pretty good. They were real intense and they moved around quite a bit. It was nice. The Dance Massacre... eh, no comment. There weren't seven people on stage normally. I later found out that they had all quit. No comment again. Yeah. Sydney confirm played one song before we went on, and yeah... I went more crazier than I ever had before. We all were playing without our pants on, so that added a lot to the presence I bet. I was jumping around and jumping off stage and shit. Definitely more energy from myself than ever before. I was kind of dissapointed with myself on how I had appeared the first two shows, but I think I made up for it on Saturday night. There were these two girls dancing around, and I ran off stage and started jumping around with them. Fun shit. I wish there had been more than the ten people there who watched us though. Oh well, that's their problem.
On Sunday Tommy ended up coming to work with me the whole six hours I worked. He would just walk around and sleep... haha. What a hobo. I swear, hiaving one of your best friends staying with you for four nights is awesome. Especially when it's such a cool guy like Tommy. Yeah, he was planning on going home on Monday, but he didn't until Tuesday. Fun times. Very fun.
Well here I am now, staying home sick from school the second day in a row. Monday night I was feeling really miserable, and on Tuesday night I was feeling worse, so yesterday I decided to stay home and sleep all day. Which I did. I need the sleep... I haven't slept for more than five hours in like six days. Hopefully I can be better soon so I don't get to ofar behind in school and so I can perform good tomorrow night at 1919, which EVERYONE needs to go to. It's kind of by The Door in Fort Worth, which EVERYONE goes to, so come on. You won't be dissappointed. Hopefully, anyway. Oh yes, you can look at pictures from the shows on the seventh and tenth, as well as when we recorded. Here is the link:
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c382/halfmaneric/
There is also a little flyer for upcoming shows that you can look at on there. Yeah, I'm not sure when any of the recordings will be ready for the public. I think we might be going into the Dallas Sound Labs again this Saturday to finish some gang vocals and shit, so hopefully sometime soon. Alright... I finally think I've written everything that needs to be brought up. To sum it all up, this past week as been amazing. | | |
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Yeah, I have realized I didn't mean it when I said I hate everyone except for Jorel and Tommy, haha... that makes me sound gay or something too. I guess I just singled out my best friends. Anyway, yeah, of course there really are a lot more people I don't hate. I'm not listing names or anything because you should know for yourself whether or not I hate you. The end. But anyway, haha, on a happier note... Half Man, the band I recently joined as the screamer, is going really good. That's what I think anyway. We have a shitload of shows coming up. Here's a list of shows that are coming up:
November 7th, Monday, 7:00 P.M. @ Red Blood Club in Dallas, With Where Eagles Dare, Glory, Countdown To Life, Balls Out, Hands of the Few, Sirens Over Athens
November 10th, Thursday, 10:00 P.M. @ UTD in Dallas (Duh), With Eat Avery's Bones
November 12th, Saturday, 8:00 P.M. @ Fat Daddy's in Lewisville, With GIRLSRISEWITHHEAT, Cutaway Tragedy, The Dance Massacre, 31SPOONER, Nine Volt Invasion
November 18th, Friday, 6:00 P.M. @ 1919 Hemphill in Ft. Worth, With Goro, Urizen, Medieval
November 26th, Saturday, 10:00 P.M. @ Rubber Gloves in Denton, With Cobra Tango, Triumph of Gnomes, Baxter Stockman
November 28th, Monday, 9:00 P.M. @ Plush in Austin, With Cobra Tango, Triumph of Gnomes, likeDOGS
Okay so maybe five isn't a shitload, but maybe it is. I mean, I've only been in the band for a few weeks, and we've only practiced all together like four times. That's okay though, there's nothing to worry about. The shows will be awesome. I'm really stoked to be playing with Where Eagles Dare. I've known about them for quite a while, and I like them quite a bit. I think it's kind of funny how our first show ever is with bands from California and Oregon. I think it's pretty damn sweet too. Everyone should try to make it out to at least one of the upcoming shows. Everyone I know anyway. That would be cool. We're planning on making many asses explode at our shows. Oh yeah, and once you see us, you will want to never miss a show... haha. We might actually be playing a show on the 28th in Austin too, but it depends on if my parents will actually let me go or not. We'll have to see about that. That would be awesome though, and I think I would love it. I have made a lot of banners for Half Man, and you can get them on our Myspace, http://www.myspace.com/halfmanband. Everyone should be really cool and put one on your Myspace or something. That would be pretty neat.
Now that I'm in this band I have begun to write again. I've only really written one and a half songs so far. I know where and when to scream throughout most of the songs though. Maybe I will type them up for everyone to read sometime. I can't right now though, because I left my papers over at Jesse's house. Yeah, we practiced there last night. Man... haha... last night was crazy. We played for about an hour and a half maybe, and then hung out for a few hours. We did some fun shit... haha. Exploding televisions, car chases, almost getting ran over by trains. etc. That's just how Half Man rolls. Well yeah... this next week is going to be so crazy. There are six shows in a row I'm going to. The three Half Man shows, Circa Survive of course, Blessed By A Broken Heart, and Heavy Heavy Low Low. It's going to be a pretty amazing week. So much good music. I love music. I ordered a bunch of new music today actually. I ordered the Corn on Macabre DVD, a Pg. 99 CD, a Majority Rule CD, and the three Combatwoundedveteran CD's. Good shit.
So on friday I went to Dezireh's funeral. She's been in my thoughts every day since on Monday when I was told what happened to her. I think it might be quite a while before I don't think about it every day. She was in my English class, and I talked to her all the time. Sometimes she drove me places too. I knew her for quite a while... we had German together last year, and she made it ten times more fun than it would of been is she wasn't in it, I am sure. She was so awesome. There were a lot of things about her that kind of made me curious too. I don't really know exactly how to explain what I mean by that... oh well. The funeral kind of made me upset... just because I am sure that a lot of the people there didn't even know her really at all. I think people just went to get out school. That just seems a little too fucked up to me. I saw Zane there... man, he looked like he couldn't take anything that was going on around him. I know him and Dezireh were really, really close. I've known him for quite a while, and yeah, it made me real upset to see him looking so devastated. Well anyway... I'm sure Dezireh is in a better place now, and I hope maybe someday I can see her again when the time is right. | | |
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So right now I just about hate everyone except for maybe a few select people. Jorel, Tommy, and of course the wonderful, amazing people that have welcomed me into the band I sing for. Maybe I don't hate you just because I didn't write your name. I probrably just don't like you enough to mention you. That's alright though, it's probrably not your fault. No one can blame how they are on anything except for the personality and attitude they were born with. All of the people I see at school, the few people I occassionaly talk to outside of school... none of them are there to benefit me at all. What do I get from those people? Nothing. They all waste my time. Maybe you call that selfish, but I really don't care at all. Maybe I am a selfish person, and I really don't care. We are all selfish in some ways, just some people are a lot more selfish than others. Who cares. You know, I've been having a really hard time with myself lately. Well hey look, I have to get off the computer because of the fact that it's in my parents room because they don't trust me for shit. Cool huh. I'll finish this later.
Okay so I'm writing this again the next day... and I guess I offended some people by saying I hate everyone, and then no mentioning their name. That's okay though. I don't really care. Don't get mad at me for not caring, either. If for any reason you and I were once close, and now we aren't, it is probrably your fault. If you obviously have the ability to ruin a relationship with me, and you now feel bad about doing it, then I am sure you can find the ability to maybe possibly put it back together. Maybe if you could actually show me that you could possibly care again. Anyway, someone did ask me what I meant when I wrote that I have been having a hard time with myself. Let's just say I've been dealing with some depression... and so help me God, if my parents read that and try to find some god damn pill to put me on or some faget therapist to take me to, I will not cooperate at all. I don't give a fuck what you say you will do. All of that shit is a joke. A pill to fix emotions, a person to open up to. How incredibley stupid. All pills do is mess with the chemicals inside of you. What we feel and think, I believe, is much more than some fucking chemicals inside of us. Yeah, so face the fact that I've been feeling upset lately, and let me find my own way to feel better. Don't try to be involved. Thank you.
Alright, so now that I have gotten some anger out in those first two paragraphs, I guess I will talk about what I've done lately. Last Wednesday... haha... I went to the Blackest of the Black Tour. METAL! Yeah, it was pretty fucking cool and stupid at the same time. Only stupid because of what Behemoth dresses like... haha. Oh yeah, and because of how Danzig sings. He sucks. That whole band sucks. Anyway, yeah Jarred took Jorel and Derek and I, and we got there when Himsa was playing their second to last song. Our tickets were for seats pretty far up, but it was all good. It's pretty cool to watch from so high up, and it sounds really good too. But yeah, Himsa sounded pretty good from what I heard. Behemoth... yeah, haha. They were good at what they were doing. Their little gothic black metal stuff. It's pretty rad, but it might of been better without the whole painted faces, spikes, metal helmet stuff. Their drummer cause double bass it up like a bitch though. Those beats sounded fake... but yeah, they weren't. Chimaira was pretty damn good... really good metal stuff. Danzig... damn, what a joke. They suck. That's all there is to it. Like, it's not even good for what kind of music it is. It's so horrible... haha. Before we were even on our way to the show earlier that day, we planned on leaving after seeing what Danzig was all about. We would of done it, but we found Tommy, Mike, and Joe. We hung out with them for a while in the front lobby of Nokia, and then ended up helpign them pass out their promo CD's with flyers for tonight's show with it. Fun stuff. I won't be going to that show tonight though... which sucks. I'm going to The Door to hopefully be trained more on the soundboard. Garth better be there, haha. Jacknife is supposed to have their new shirts tonight though... and this time Joe actually ordered Youth Large's like I told him to. So maybe I will give Jorel ten dollars to buy me one. Sounds like a good idea to me.
I didn't write anything in my last entry about practicing with Half Man because it was a secret I guess... haha. It's no secret anymore though... so yeah, everyone should come to a show or something. The first show will be on November 7th at Red Blood Club with Where Eagles Dare, Countdown To Life, Balls Out, and maybe one or two more that haven't been confirmed yet. That's really exciting... I've known about and liked Where Eagles Dare for about two years. They're from California, and CTL is from Oregon. CTL is pretty good too. I'm kind of nervous about it, but then again I'm really not. I think it will be really fun, and it will be one step closer to me getting better with screaming. Oh well, I don't want to get in to what I think my screaming sounds like, or even what Half Man altogether sounds like, because I don't like doing shit like that. You should come though, it will be fun. Check out the Myspace as well: http://www.myspace.com/halfmanband
I'm really glad I get to sing for that band... Sean, Jesse, and Ricky are all fucking awesome guys. Yup. Well anyway, so yesterday Ewokdeathcoffinthrowdown was supposed to play at Fat Daddy's Sound Shack in Lewisville... but yeah, we got there and no one was even there. Some guy was like "Oh, we don't have shows on Thrusday's." Apparently they had all seen it on the website though. When I say "they" I mean Bryan, Mark, Steven, Richie, and Ashley. Bryan took me, and Ashley drove everyone else. So yeah, we had NutFest2K5 (Don't ask) and Richie and I ate Sonic. We then all went to Waffle house where we made a disasterous mess, and probrably tought a baby girl a few new cuss words. Good times, haha. Well... that's all I have to write about for now. | | |
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