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TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME.
by Robert Herrick
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer ;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry :
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry.
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| i dont know why im writing a xanga post, but im pretty bored so why not. update on dan bored as hell read catcher in the rye for english- i'd already read that book before, but it kinda bothered me this time when i read it. holden reminded me too much of myself, except he's cooler than that. got two girlfriends, not at the same time, niether of which lasted two weeks, one broke up with me, i broke up with the other.
my ability to use punctuation is slowly deteriorating as im writing this trying not to fail math, but im not sure why i care so much all of a sudden, very uncharecteristic reading hell's angles by hunter thompson bought justin a trenchcoat and gave it to him for christmas, cause he's the kind of guy who really should have one i think the main thing that catcher in the rye made me think about was whether there was more behind all of my beliefs than what i even knew. he had his whole thing about saving innocence and how the only thing he wanted to be was the one who saved innocence from falling from peoples youth, but he also had that whole desire to be a hermit thing. its not like it really matters what it is that he wanted to be but thing is that he developed this alternate reality for himself, as a result of his being unable to cope with the evils of society and his unwillingness to find his place in it. or maybe even his fear of being unable to succede if he finally applyed himself in a system he always rediculed. i find myself being just as critical of society and i see my own vision for myself in the future to be a solution for that but what if my greatest aspiration in life is the product of a coping mechanism i developed to overcome my depression. i remember wanting to seperate myself from society from before then, but i never really took any steps to achieve it. and i definittely never did anything to compromise my ability to succede within society if i chose so. so is it possible that i have some fear of success which caused me to redifine success on my own terms. or is my ideal still the transendentalist type. not any of that other stuff. not running away but running towards. the fact that i can't tell is what worries me the most. ive been trying to figure out exactly what it is that supports my beliefs in my own mind and they all make sense still so i dont see a real problem.
no god is the foundation
because there is no god the universe is it's own constant
big bang-->fragments of atoms--->atoms and molecules---->space dust---->planets and stars----> billions of galaxies and solar systems, one of which is earth.
if you were looking at earth from space nothing would stand out as perticularly remarkable, although i will grant that the whole water thing is a pretty big deal
and on that earth there are billions upon billions of different species, one of which is mankind
the earth began nearly 6-9 billion years ago
maybe the last 3 of which has life been around
started with algie, moved up to tiny little fish, hundreds of millions of years later we end up with dinosaurs
couple hundred million years of that and mammals pop up
we evolved out of those mammals some 2 million years ago
we lived like the animals we are for the majority of those 2 million years
all of a sudden 15000 years ago we developed advanced and agressive agricultre, and began our expodential population growth
find yourself at today and where are we,
same exact place the earth was before we were around
so why do people place so much significance on the events taking place right now. does it really matter if the ramote doesn't work or even if the opposing political party is in power.
the society we've created has done more damage to the planet in the past 15 thousand years than mankind has over it's 2 million year existance. does that mean abandon society? does that mean we should try to fix it? what about ignoring it? i dont know, there's not really a whole lot i could do about it if i wanted to
but i do say this,
we are nothing more than members of the environment, another link in the food chain, and i have godly faith in natures ability to find balance when things get uneven. so it makes sense to me that if we are causing enough damage to the earth as we are now, nature itself will right itself. and by right itself i mean sort us out of the equation. probably not in any apocalyptic doomsday or anything like that, but probably just in a gradual population decline, most likely related to disease and famine, and the climate change is something capable of doing that. in fact there was a significant climate shift in the middle ages which was linked to the black death and all the famines during that time period. but overall. not only do i believe that the way of life i have been born into is unnatural and unfufilling, and even destructive to the earth and my own species, but i think there is nothing i can do about it because it's already taking care of it itself.
so what do i do.
i find myself completely and utterly insignificant
embrace insignificance?
find significance from someplace else?
built up a metaphore to explain how i can find significance when there really is none
a colony of ants works as one organism.
each individual ant while it's own being, exists as an apendage of that organism
a set of chemicals they release in the air act as communication for the whole colony.
those chemicals tell them what to do and connect all the ants under one train of thought.
each ant is significant to the workings of the colony
earth works as one organism
each and every blade of grass and bird in the sky exists as an apendage of that organism
humans are just like the ants.
ran out of time gotta go to bed, maybe il finish later, maybe il find a life | | |
| the air above the breath we speak,
envelopes endless truth we seek,
poison to the mind is concious thought, an arrow for my soul,
find Om in hidden alleys,
shards of broken glass contain the whole, pools of sigmond freud's conception,
Impregnate all a dreams perception,
make solemn all are cry's of joy, sactafy illumination,
unify a self sesation,
make one a world of many lies, contain confine copacious skies,
resist a force, rely on eye's,
cannot pervaid, cannot percieve,
existential values on a life unknown to living,
when a peace of mind relies on distance from reality,
a center of a whole begin to fall into dispair,
and a tulmult of the truth yet overwhelms,
till soul and self and center finally dies. | | |
| it seems to me like there are several different forms of suffering out there in the world now aday. theres the obvious physical suffering, as in pain and starvation, like aids in africa and the starving crowds all over the planet, then there is more of a mental suffering, the kind of pain you might feel when your goals and asperations in life are hard to achieve and you struggle to find your place in the world. i find it hard to imagine that people who are starving near death would find much pain in the second type of suffering but pain is something that is created in your own mind so the cause of the pain is insignificant, it is all up to the person it is affecting on how severe it is. food, a place to sleep, water and arguably social interactions are the only things that are required to maintian a healthy life, and the people in all these third world countries struggle to find these basic nesesities. that is the kind of suffering that most people never encounter. us here in america live lives striving for other things, luxuries, or accomplishments made possible because of the abundance of the basic nessities of live here. most people in america and even in the other powerful nations consume far more than we need to while others starve miserably. im not intending on critisizing america specifically cause its not all our fault, we are attempting to aid some 3rd world countries, we actually give more money in relief than any other nation, but it doesn't seem like the situation is improving all that much. If every american were to become aware of the worlds crisises and incorporate some sort of conservation into their daily lives the world would be a lot different. our nations forien policy is always striving for something, right now we're focusing on terrorism and securing a strong source of resources (oil) to fuel our economy, but that isn't really what the gorvernment is designed for. it could be part of it, but the government is supposed to protect our rights, and try to allow us the oppertunity for a long and happy life, or at least to improve our lives somewhat. but are all of the things that it does really making our lives any happier or more free. If we were to get all the oil in the world and our economy soared and nobody had to worry about gas prices or forien dependency for resources would our lives be better or just more convienient, cause what is it that makes people happy, some of the most desolate places on the planet lay host to many different people who can be just as happy as any american so why must we consume and progress so much if it doesn't really make our life any better, and actually our wasteful society could negitively impact other nations, so not only is our greed and glutiny not improving our lives it is hurting the lives of many others. how are we supposed to live then, it is unrealistic to say that everyone should become a vegitarien (which would temporaraly solve world hunger, until the population caught up to the surplus of food) and live in modest little homes. it is the nature of our civilization to produce beyond our possible use and leave lots to waste or to store for the future. our agricutural system produces far more food than we could ever really consume but still millions starve. a family of farmers grow a thousand times more food than they need and sell it all off, while everyone else has their own trade which they use in exchange for food and other luxeries, but if everyone grew just enough food for themselves, then what. there used to be a time on this planet when nobody had to grow any food, the world itself was a garden full of life and animals and man could mearly walk from place to place eating things growing right in front of them, and as a matter of fact nothing so great has happened to change that, we are still those animals and the earth is still a garden and our agricutural system is used to mass produce and fuel a never ending growth of a species that will never be content to eat only what grows right in front of them. | | |
| Life is really complicated sometimes | | |
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