| Time to grow up?Does there come a time in everyones life where you just have to step back and take a good look...
and I mean really just have to say WOW I need to grow up just a little, okay, maybe a lot?! I'm thinking maybe I've reached that point... I'm almost 21 years old I don't have any direction I want to go to school, I know what for... but I screwed up and lost my financial aid so now I have to finish paying for 8 hours before I get it back.For a while I really didn't want to go back, so I messed around worked part time jobs, and just really hungout. Now I want to go back but I've never been that great with managing my money so now I have some debt ,not much but still some, that I need to pay off before I can consider going back to school or moving away. I guess what I'm trying to say is its time for me to move on and grow up for a little while. Its been fun not having any responsibilities and I've been happy for the most part but I don't want to do this forever. So for right now until I can get things on track, no more partying, or staying up for days on end...
I've got to work on being more responsible with everything in my life. |
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| So its almost 3:20 am and I couldn't sleep so I got up made a pot of coffee and a sandwich. Now I'm drinking coffee and smoking a cig... I hate not being able to sleep... P.S. Does anyone else miss the briskness of winter? |
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| Wow it has been six months since I was on xanga last... Things have changed quite a bit since I was last on here. I just realized the other day when I was talking to one of my friends how much we let stand in between us and what we really want to do in life and that there are going to be low points and high points but it really just makes life all that more beautiful. So these are some of the more wonderful things about life recently... Standing in the rain drinking coffee and smoking cigs.
Drinking whiskey with friends late at night.
Sitting for hours drinking tea and talking about the most random stuff you could imagine.
Talking about G-d and politics.
Reading the gospels in the Bible which make me feel more strongly convicted about loving and caring for the people around me, even if they are deemed undesirable by those around me ,including the church.
Finally not having plans and doing what ever comes my way.
These are the things that make the dullness of life not seem so dull. |
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| I am utterly amazed at these lyrics... Simply beautiful! run like a race for family
when you hear like you're alone
the rusty gears of morning
and faceless, busy phones
we gladly run in circles
but the shape we meant to make is gone
and love is a tired symphony
you hum when you're awake
and love is a crying baby
mama warned you not to shake
and love's the best sensation
hiding in the lion's mane
so i'll clear the road, the gravel
and the thornbush in your path
that burns a scented oil
that i'll drip into your bath
the water's there to warm you
and the earth is warmer when you laugh
and love is the scene i render
when you catch me wide awake
and love is the dream you enter
though i shake and shake and shake you
and love's the best endeavor
waiting in the lion's mane What if I loved like this... These lyrics remind me of a C.S. Lewis book in the Chronicles of Narnia series where the kids are talking to the beavers about Aslan(the lion/God) and Lucy asks if Aslan is safe being a lion and all and Mr. Beaver laughs and says no he's not safe but he's good. What that has to do with this I have no idea but I thought I would throw that in... I want to live with a dangerous faith and love knowing that it will not be safe but it will be good. Cheers
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| It's 2:56 in the morning and I'm still up and I have to be at work at 9. but aside from that I'm great.
Do you ever really want to tell somebody something but you just can't do it... I do right now and It's driving me crazy.
I want to learn to Love unconditionally and sacrificially and I'm tired of being fake.
Al-Hamdu-Lilah |
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