ok...so what's up with everyone... everyone, well practically everyone has went through this 180 degree change... ppl that i knew to do one thing, do a completely different thing... some ppl are avoiding me and pushing me away... then other's are actually being supportive... atleast i knew who my true freinds are... right? or are they going to change like everyone else... i used to thingk change was a good thing, but i think my hypothesis was/is wrong...

i screwed up... well no i didn't, someone tried to screw me... if you get what i'm saying... i'm now violated.. and i don't know how to tell joey... i don't want to hurt him... and i'm scared of how i'm going to tell him what exactly happened, hopefully he doesn't hate me... i love him so much.. i don't want to hurt him... that's the last thing i want to do.. and no matter how much ppl tell me that he's not the best choice of bf, i can't deny and push away my feelings...

and what's up with everyone not talking to me anymore... i'm not going to mention names, b/c i'm pretty sure some of them know who they are... and well for the other's, well they're dumb and are selfish and careless... this is the one thing i didn't want to happen before graduation... yet i wonder if i did something wrong... b/c i know that i didn't, yet i feel like i have... then again, i always feel this way about these type of situations...

well this whole bf thing has been getting out of hand... just last week i was complaining about not having one, and now i have a good handful of them after me... did i change that much? ha, change there i go... i hate that word now.. it's so ugh... i'm going to try and avoid saying that... but i've liked this one guy for a while now.. and didn't realize i liked him until just the other day.. and yes it's travis.. but i have joey... joe.. what can i say, he's everything... i guess we're not offically going out... well not until i go down there this summer... but i don't know about him... it seems like he's not putting forth enough effort to keep him and i together... maybe it's me.. b/c i know he cares for me...

then at this party... all i wanted was a simple kiss... and i got alot more than i asked for... i'm going to make sure i know the guy i'm kissing next time.. and hopefully it'll be joey... if not him.. then definately travis... well i feel a bit better.. im going to listen to matchbook romance now.. since i found a song of their's that reminds me of joey... *sigh* i'm out...

ok...so what's up with everyone... everyone, well practically everyone has went through this 180 degree change... ppl that i knew to do one thing, do a completely different thing... some ppl are avoiding me and pushing me away... then other's are actually being supportive... atleast i knew who my true freinds are... right? or are they going to change like everyone else... i used to thingk change was a good thing, but i think my hypothesis was/is wrong...

i screwed up... well no i didn't, someone tried to screw me... if you get what i'm saying... i'm now violated.. and i don't know how to tell joey... i don't want to hurt him... and i'm scared of how i'm going to tell him what exactly happened, hopefully he doesn't hate me... i love him so much.. i don't want to hurt him... that's the last thing i want to do.. and no matter how much ppl tell me that he's not the best choice of bf, i can't deny and push away my feelings...

and what's up with everyone not talking to me anymore... i'm not going to mention names, b/c i'm pretty sure some of them know who they are... and well for the other's, well they're dumb and are selfish and careless... this is the one thing i didn't want to happen before graduation... yet i wonder if i did something wrong... b/c i know that i didn't, yet i feel like i have... then again, i always feel this way about these type of situations...

well this whole bf thing has been getting out of hand... just last week i was complaining about not having one, and now i have a good handful of them after me... did i change that much? ha, change there i go... i hate that word now.. it's so ugh... i'm going to try and avoid saying that... but i've liked this one guy for a while now.. and didn't realize i liked him until just the other day.. and yes it's travis.. but i have joey... joe.. what can i say, he's everything... i guess we're not offically going out... well not until i go down there this summer... but i don't know about him... it seems like he's not putting forth enough effort to keep him and i together... maybe it's me.. b/c i know he cares for me...

then at this party... all i wanted was a simple kiss... and i got alot more than i asked for... i'm going to make sure i know the guy i'm kissing next time.. and hopefully it'll be joey... if not him.. then definately travis... well i feel a bit better.. im going to listen to matchbook romance now.. since i found a song of their's that reminds me of joey... *sigh* i'm out...

i'm going to but my life into perspective for you people, since obviously none of you really know what's going on in my mind or life...

i was born in berrien general hospital and my mother was 19 years of age when she had me... my father was 23 and had a bad rep... not too much later after i was released from the hospital, my father was put in jail... he didn't get out until i was aroudn 2 years of age... for what reason i have no i dea... yet while i was still an infant, my mother went out and partyed with her friends and got drunk at bars while watching bands at Mickey's Pub...yet she denies every word of it... my great grandmother practically raised me... and when my mother was around she fed me the worst food, taco bell, reminder i was still a young child... my father was and still is a truck driver and he left my mom to be out on the road... he'd send post cards, but never called... he promied me so many things, and never did one of them... good thing i didn't quite understand the concept of the whole thing at the time... my mother and grew apart as i got older and are at complete oppostite evds of the spectrum as to this date... i never get along with her, she and i fight all the time, constantly (24 hrs/7days)... she can't wait until i leave... my step father and i don't have the best relationship, but it's somewhat stable.. i never talk to my father, he's shut me out of his life ever since he kicked me out of his home last year (and wonders why i left)... my great grandma is about to pass away, my grandma is a bitch always looking for a way to make you sound wrong about something... and my grandfather is a retiree from whirlpool that just sits on his ass all day and does nothing... what a wonderful family... and that's just the earth's crust of it...