I am one seriously messed up individual.

Tried to break up with my bf on Friday. It didnt work. He wants me to spend my spring break in Iowa meeting the family.

This same bf wants to come to waco tomorrow. I dont want him to. It will mess up my routine. I try to explain this too him. I in turn sound heartless because it is Valentines Day, the glorified halmark holiday. I am quite ok spending it alone. To me, it is like any other day. A day that I have shit to do.

How do I manage to get myself in these situations? HOW?

Normalcy is quite welcomed.

Depressed. Worn out. So damn sleepy. Frustrated. FUCK

Today a voice from the past texted me at 3:52 am... Asked me what I was doing. I think he must have been drunk or high. Maybe both. I woke up ten minutes after he texted me. Took another ten to figure out the name behind the number. Ten minutes later I couldnt sleep. Called Cor... I liked that I wasnt afraid of waking him. He was already awake, closing the bar. We talked for a short while (with a few breaks due him having to lock up, and idiots leaving purses in the bar). I tried to go back to sleep and decided that i needed groceries desperately and since it was a saturday, i had to get them now. I spent like 300 on food and the like. I wont be going back anytime soon.  I drive into my apartment complex and see a guy standing outside his door without a shirt. I figure he is smoking a cig. Its all good, I understand. I unlock my apt door and go to unload the mass amounts of groceries. Dog barks. Girl comes running from the other way, looks into my open apt door. She sees me and asks frantically..."DID YOU SEE HIM? IS HE IN THERE?". I hope not, because whoever "he" is would be lost. She runs past me... I see her go to where the guys is smoking a cig. She comes back with an ugly weiner dog, looking awkard and states "I uhh found him..." and walks briskly past. I go to get another load. I get a whiff of something... what is that... then I realize. That guy was smoking, but not a cig... it was his 7am joint. Girl walks back into her apt. Guy looks out at me, smiles, and laughs an "I was just caught smoking weed but I dont care because I am high" laugh. I laugh at how strange it must to have been to find her dog next to a guy smoking weed at the crack of dawn. Its going to be a weird day. I can feel it! 

Do I set high expectations for other people? I dont think I do. Im a pretty easy going girl. But somehow no guy can ever meet my expectations. Actually they seem to fall very short. And thing that irritates me the most shouldnt be a problem. I think it is common sense. But hey what do I know? I tend to believe I will be COMPLETELY single again tomorrow. Ehh almost three weeks for that one. Gotta give him props for that. Hopefully, I wont be my normal passive aggressive self and do something. Okay, unlikely I know. Ill have to find another way around it. But until necessary, I shall be passive aggressive and do nothing until confronted.

Is it me? Am I that awful? I hope not. That would suck. Oh well! It keeps me single and relatively drama free.

my life is pathetic.

And with that thought, Im going to sleep before midnight and without a call.