zee0307's Xanga

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:03:24 GMT

So, if you couldn't tell by the time I'm writing this (4 AM), grad school is rough sometimes. I'm having a really rough time right now. I am a part of a four year government grant sponsored study that not only pays my stipend, but also takes up the majority of my time. I swear I'm not whining because most of the time I really enjoy what I do. I spend about 10-11 hours a day at the lab collecting data, going to class, and going to meetings. This does not include the time I have to spend when I actually get home and have to write or work on homework. Again, still not complaining.

But what is really intolerable is my current relations with the lab manager. Her salary is also sponsored by the grant. She takes care of most of the nitty gritty stuff: making sure all the supplies are caught up, making copies, scheduling, etc. She also does as much of the data collection for it as I do, if not a little more. She has recently felt stressed out about her job and is trying to off-set some of the burden onto me. She has mentioned before that the two of us should be tutoring an equal amount and she has also passed off some of the undergrad monitoring activities and general house-keeping tasks up to me. I really don't like this because (A) while the grant is her #1 priority, it's only 1/3 of mine (with classes and my own research taking up 2/3) (B) She should be doing more work because she is second author (the farther down you are authored the worst) on the publication and gets paid more than I do, while having far less responsibilities as a whole (C) her job description is different than mine. I really don't get a say in any of the planning for anything, so maybe my tasks should be similar to that of the undergrads.

These are all petty things and are probably not worth mentioning. The worst part is tolerating her consistent talking-down to me. I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do. Yesterday she "asked" me to take up half of her driving-to-school burden. One of the schools we go to is half an hour a way (each way) from Notre Dame. We go to this school twice a week. She wants me to go once a week to off-set the gas and driving burden on her. I am hesistant to do this because I am in a terrible financial spot right now and I'm not entirely sure how driveable my car is. I recently took it into the shop because it was making terrible noises every time I made a turn with it. $500 later they said it was fixed with one minor difficulty. While they were "fixing" it, they broke a sensor that they must specially order. Not only am I still waiting for a call back on that sensor, but my car is still making those terrible noises. Because of this, I am hesitant to drive it an extra hour each week. If my car were to die, it would basically be financially catastrophic for me. The lab manager did not buy this argument because apparently both her and her husband's cars are in a bad way right now.

I'm going to tell her today that I'm not going to drive. I'm trying not to expect to be met with hostility because I think that will make me defensive from the beginning, thus eliciting hostility from her. A significant amount of my weekly stress does come from these run ins with her. While we used to be friends, I now just associate her with making my life harder. I'm very frustrated. I can't wait until this year is over and we're done with collecting the data for this study. I'm tired of arguing with her and having her dictate my schedule.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 00:40:42 GMT

So, one of my favorite things to do when I have a lot of school-related crap I should be doing is write in xanga. Or at least, that's what I liked to do as an undergrad. So, I thought I would do that now.

Another one of my favorite things to do is tell Brian how I'm the nice one and he's the mean one all the time. That's not necessarily completely accurate. Sometimes he's pretty cute instead. Like today, for example, he read an article online about how polar bears are resorting to cannibalism because their habitat is being destroyed as a side effect of global warming. It depressed him so much he had to take an early lunch to go home and do something to take his mind off of it. He also lets me use words inappropriately, or blatantly use nonsense words. He usually only informs of my error the first or the second time I do it. When I start freaking out about things that are usually not so big a deal, he usually says the right thing to calm me down. I'm a pretty big fan.

LC LC

Friday, September 12, 2008

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:05:45 GMT

Me: I'm so excited to see you tomorrow. I wasn't planning on getting to see you this week, so it's a special little surprise.
Brian: I hate you.

I hate to lc, but I think he's really cute. The sad thing is that I'm always telling my friends stories about him and they don't think that Brian's antics are as funny as I do. I don't know why?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:57:38 GMT

I loved this email. I am working with another professor in the psych department on a motivation project in the middle schools. She sent me this email today. I think I loved it because it reminded me of something Jen Huber would say. Anyway, I wish I said things like this to people:

Lori,
You are a treasure!
Thanks,
Julie

Monday, December 17, 2007

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:47:59 GMT

My advisor just got her hair cut and I gave her a compliment on it today. She was just about to complain about her new haircut when Nick (another grad student. he is, by the way, flamboyantly gay) just walked into the room to tell her everything that went wrong with it (apparently it is uneven on some sides. i didn't notice).

He began raving about his stylist and told her that his stylist must be good if he is a fan because "no one is as anal as me"

I thought this was hilarious and laughed like a hyena. Nick and Nicole (my advisor) both walked out of the room without saying anything further.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 00:41:15 GMT

It has been forever long since my last update, so...here we go...

I just got back last night from my first conference. I was absolutely terrified of going before it happened. I've given two presentations since I started grad school and neither of them went particularly well, so when I was anticipating presenting a poster at a conference with many famous psychologists with a focus on my area of research I was pretty terrified of having repeat performances of those. It actually went really well. I was able to talk about my first year project without freaking out and actually made some contacts with people that would like to work with me in the future.

I got to meet some pretty famous psychologists, which was really cool. Vladimir Sloutsky, who is pretty big in the language acquisition literature was located directly across from my poster and asked to borrow my pen. My first thought was "OMG! Vladimir Sloutsky borrowed my pen!" I told Nicole, my advisor, this and she looked at me like I was a freak. But, come on, everybody feels that way at their first conference. I told Alex, my undergrad advisor - who happened to be at the conference as well, the same thing and he told me that he understood but that even the most famous psychologists are probably known by only 1000 people - which is probably a similar following as most local bands.

The hotel was a hotel/spa in downtown Santa Fe, so I got to wander around and explore. My roommate and I were like bff. It was a great experience overall! Yay!

Otherwise I spend my days in the lab, going to class and working at the ECDC. The ECDC (Early Childhood Development Center) is where I get my three year old subjects that I experiment on. I also work there as a volunteer teaching assistant from 8-9 on Wednesday and Friday mornings and whenever else they want me. ND is great. I really like everyone I work with. I feel like I'm very lucky to have been given the opportunity to work there. My advisor is really good. I'm pretty lucky to have her. No complaints!

I, of course, always miss IU, especially now that basketball season is on the horizon. I wish I could still see everyone everyday again, but I feel very lucky that I get to keep in touch with everyone so well. AND I feel very lucky for my friends at ND. So life is pretty good. I'm patiently waiting for my favorite holiday (Halloween) to arrive. I will not be slutty this year as I am no longer an undergrad. Instead, I will be dressing up as the grim reaper for the big grad student halloween party! That's an update! I hope life is going well for all of you!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:52:05 GMT

Text messages between Pookins and I:

Pookins: I got asked out on a date tonight and said yes. I am not listening to the psychic!

Me: Lol! Awesome! Pookins needs a love interest. It's okay. I never listen to the psychic either.

Pookins: What?! I wanted you to scold me. The new slutty Lori sucks.

Hahahaha!

My away message last night: reading and bed

IM from Taylor this morning: Who taught you to read? Get your ass in the kitchen and make me fucking breakfast!

Oh man, I love those boys. So Notre Dame is a good time. I have my first day of graduate classes tomorrow! Skurr! Pat (my grad school friend) tells me that they're nothing to worry about and then he scolded me for never listening to him. He also scolds me for walking too loudly and being an annoying first year and bothering him when he wants to be left alone and coming in too late and leaving too early. I am a big fan.

I've been experimenting on three year olds for a counting study and visiting them at the day care center. It's been a lot of fun. It's a good life: reading psych articles and playing with three year olds all day. The only unfortunate thing about grad school is that I will be poor for the next five years. I have a lot of funny stories with these kids, but it would take too long to write them out and I'm feeling kind of ADD since the weather is beautiful. So I'm going to go now, but I hope you are all doing well.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 23:04:09 GMT

I LOVE these things!!!

1. 4th grade teacher's name: Mr. Shefski (the only teacher in elementary school I liked btw...use this information as you will)
2. Last words you said to dad: Bye?
3. Last song you sang: Ain't No Mountain High Enough
4. Last person you hugged: I think my niece. She doesn't like hugs. Again, use this information as you will.
5. Last thing you laughed at: probably at one of the kids I played with today at the day care center.
6. Last time you slept all day: a couple of sundays ago. amazing, btw.
7. Last time you cried: when I threw up the last time I was sick. Does that count?
8. What color socks are you wearing: white, kinda.
9. What's under your bed: nothing. my bed's on the flo
10. What time did you wake up today: 7 am
11. Current Taste: I'm not sure what this question means. I'm going to answer it with alcohol. That's always a safe choice.
12. Current hair: sweaty and up
13. Current annoyance: hmm...I'm not sure....
14. Current longing: not sure on this one either...
15. Current desktop background: Hahahaha, a picture Luke sent me from the Pride festival in Louisville of a protester with a sign that says "If we allow gay marriage then we'll allow cannibalism and then the terrorists will have won!"
16. If you could play any instrument: guitar
17. Favorite color(s): blue, maroon, yellow
18. How tall are you: this is an offensive question...moving on....
19. Current favorite word/saying: I stole "strong" from Brian. I like it a lot.
20. Favorite book: A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man or Bhagavad Gita
21. Favorite season: Fall
22. What is your career going to be like: Haha, I have no idea. Let's pray I get through grad school.
23. How many kids do you want: I don't know.

HAVE YOU EVER

24. Said "I love you": duh.
25. Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: no
26. Been to New York: no
27. Been to Florida: most amazing week of my life
28. Been to California: no
29. Been to Hawaii: no
30. Been to Mexico: someday!
31. Been to China: no :(
32. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: I don't think so, but who knows?
33. Do you have a crush on someone?: duh.
34. What book are you reading now? Empire Falls by Richard Russo
35. Worst feeling in the world: panic that you've screwed up your life because you did something stupid (happens all the time)
36. What is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning: I have to pee.
37. How many rings before you answer? Usually a lot because I always leave my phone in my bag
38. Future daughter's name(s): Sophia
39. Future son's name(s): Miles
40. What do you sleep with: a bunch of stuffed animals luke won from the crane game
41. What do you wear to sleep in: whatever I wore during the day usually
42. Where are you: Mishawaka
43. Where do you wish you were: Rome
44. Piercings: Ears

THE EXTRA STUFF

45. What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: shampoo-aussie, condition-neutrogena triple moisture(amazing)
46. What clothes do you sleep in:
47. Who is the last person that called you: Brian
48. Where do you want to get married: I don't care. The only thing I care about is that there is alcohol at the reception
49. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be: I wish I were more outgoing I guess...definitely less lazy
50. Hate: dead bugs, anal rape
51. Been In Love: no
52. Are you timely or always late? it depends. when it's friends stuff I'm ALWAYS late, but if it's school related stuff, always ridiculously early
53. Do you have a job: yes, grad school is amazing
54. Do you like being around people: definitely
55. Best feeling in the world: calm
56. Are you a health freak: nope
57. Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: nope, not at all. they're always funny.
58. Are you lonely right now: nope.
59. Do you want kids: sure, in like ten years

THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU

60. Cried: no
61. Bought something: groceries?
62. Gotten sick: nope
63. Sang: duh
64. Said I Love You: I don't think so
65. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: no, i'm fine
66. Yelled? I don't think so
67. Moved On: nope.
68. Talked to someone: yep
69. Had a serious talk: hmm...I don't think so actually...maybe
70. Missed Someone: duh
71. Hugged Someone: nope
72. Yelled at Someone:
73. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: I don't remember any of my dreams from the last 48 hours

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 03:42:43 GMT

Today in my lab I was talking to this undergrad I work with, Chris. He was asking me about IU and he told me that he's heard some wild stories from friends he knows there. He told me that he's heard that girls walk around naked in the dorms. He was serious. Hahahahaha!

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 05:08:35 GMT

I feel like updating about my life even though I'm really tired, so I'm not sure how much I will write, but here I go...

I started grad school last week. I started seriously freaking out the night before I began. I had these fears that maybe I'm not really right for grad school and I had made a mistake. So far I'm really feeling like I've made the right choice. I think I'm a lot better as a researcher than I thought I was. I always have this fear that I'm not as smart as my teachers/instructors think I am but I'm really good at faking it, but I think that I can really do this and enjoy it. I'm in the midst of designing my first study. I have to have a rough design of it sketched out by 2:30 on Monday when I present it in front of other grad students and professors to ask them what they think of it. Egads! I'm nervous, but I know what I'm talking about (or at least I think I do).

The people in the lab are great, which is another definite plus. I really like my advisor and her husband (the heads of the lab). There is this crazy grad student next door who always comes in to complain about his undergrads. They declared Monday "Macarena Monday" and Thursday "Tupac Thursday" until Pat (the grad student) decided to rule "with an iron fist" and now refuses the themed days. He seems really nice. He brought in treats to build an alliance between our labs. There is also an undergrad in my lab that I predict will be my bffae. I knew it the second I explained to him that I like to speak in abbreviations and he said "Oh yeah, abbreves."

I really like Notre Dame a lot. There's really not much to not like about it. It's a beautiful campus. Not the same kind of beautiful as IU, but pretty nonetheless. The people there are all really nice. I'm still feeling these transitional life feelings, though, where I'm feeling too many different things at once to really pinpoint what it is. I imagine that in a few months it'll really feel like home to me.

Living alone was really scary for me at first. I heard really creepy noises a lot before I fell asleep. Luckily I always had someone that either called or I called before bed, so that definitely made the transition easier. It doesn't really bother me that much at all anymore, although I'm never really home very often.

Tonight I came home to hang out with the sis and we had a very weird night. We were driving around with her friend when her car was totally out of gas and it died in the middle of an intersection. It made for a very dramatic time. MC is always an adventure. It's weird that Slie and I are both moved out of the house. She's living with her boyfriend and her baby now. I am actually finding myself really starting to like her bf, Pimpski. Who saw that coming? I've gotten to see the extended fam a lot lately, which is what is really nice about living so close to home.

So yeah, that was my long freaking update. I hope everyone else is doing well and enjoying the summer.