| | Money Stress.
I hate financial stress.
I cried this morning. Frustrated. Feeling terrible that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. Simply PAY BILLS. (i.e., pay back R for the bills he paid for us.)
I ate cupcakes and drank coffee with mom and tried to work through potential solutions. I called her and fell into a pool of tears earlier and she invited me over. I will start going into work early. The first immediate thing I can do is get more hours at work. I thought about a part-time job but atleast from this afternoon's online search, I'm not having any luck...so I'm temporarily putting that idea on the shelf. Also, I will be getting a raise at the end of the month when my 1 year anniversary rolls around. This will help. Something else I can do? Contribute as much as possible in nonfinancial ways. Maintain the laundry and dishes, etc. (I already do a lot of this...)
Things will get better. I just feel bad in my head over it all. I want to be able to support myself independently and I just don't have the means to do that right now. I can barely support myself when everything's split. R takes the brunt of the financial load. He doesn't complain, but I don't like it.
Life is never ideal.
And that's okay.
Otherwise, last night was fun. We went out to hear music downtown and indulged on 3 beers. (I had 2.5, 3 is just too much, I could feel myself getting fuzzy and silly haha and R and I went home). I'd never had Amstel before. I babbled the whole way home and when we got in the door and he was cutting off the wristbands all about all the things he would know when he starts working at my car dealership in my department this Tuesday for nights and Saturdays. Then I fell asleep. And woke up to a t-shirt to sleep in and a snuggly R...no, not snuggly...frisky. haha...Frisky R... I remember saying something before we were then falling asleep about feeling and hearing my heart thumping inside me. I remember giggling for a second and R laughing and calling me "silly"... We slept well. Too bad the morning brought me panic when I paid my car insurance and student loan, and then realized the lack of funds for R to deposit the check I wrote for him to cover half of the house and utilities.....
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| | Posted 7/6/2008 6:29 PM - 19 views - 2 comments
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