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zeemodel
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Metro:
Birthday: 6/5/1974
Gender: Male
Interests: I love music, I Djed in some of the hottest clubs in NYC... I enjoy the finer things in life... I even enjoy relaxing and have a casual stroll in the Park...
Expertise: All done with Culinary School.. Le Cordon Bleu certified Chef.
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  zeemodel
MSN: zeemodel@hotmail.com
Member Since:
9/30/2002
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| GovernmentWhile walking down the street one day a 'Member of Parliament' is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see such a high government official around these parts, so we're not quite sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the MP.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his old friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the public.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves goodbye while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now its time to choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute and then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought that I would say this but, I mean heaven has been delightful, however I think I would be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now when the doors of the elevator open he finds himself in the middle of a barren, waste land covered with garbage.
He notices all his friends, now dressed in rags, picking up garbage and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts an arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'I was here yesterday and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. Whatever happened?' he asked.
The devil smiles at him and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. . Today you voted.' | | |
| Something to PonderHeart Attacks And Drinking Warm Water
This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your
meal, but about Heart Attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot
tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their
drinking habit while eating.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to
you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the
cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed.
It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the
acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than
the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn
into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm
water after a meal.
Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every
heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting . Be aware of
intense pain in the jaw line .
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart
attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of
people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and
be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive. | | |
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Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His
friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store
that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put
in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem
and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill
figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample
and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise
and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a
small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak
your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two
weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he
began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it
a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog
and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store,
located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The
computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following
message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog
has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in
a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better. | | |
| Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed
below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning . or are you just flying off somewhere?"
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome ....
since both ultimately result in death | | |
| I seem to be smiling alot more often...
Thanks....
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