| | You know, it's one thing to know and admit that jumping scares me, and that at heart I'm a coward, it's another to have someone else pretty much say the same thing to my face. Granted, her exact words were "you're such a wimp", but it still hurt. So now I'm not in the best of moods and have pretty much hit the "depression" zone.
It sucks knowing how good of a rider I once was, compared to how shitty and scared I am now. Jumping frightens the crap out of me, and I have to spend a while talking myself onto the back of a horse I've never ridden. I like to think I'm a little better about it than I was when I first started, but I nearly cried with relief when I didn't have to get on Elvis to show him to someone who was interested in leasing him. I had a very good reason, though. He tried to flip over backwards on me twice the last time I rode him.
Still, the jumping thing really bothers the shit out me. Especially when people who can't understand what it's like to have your body go out of control and not be able to do anything about it. Panic attacks are scary, and no amount of "thinking happy thoughts" is going to help me get over it. I'm beginning to think that I never will get over it, period.
I'm scared I've made a mistake, and that everyone else knows it but me.
Xanga's changed a lot since I last visited. Entries have ratings now? Interesting. The horse is doing well, though he's ready to go back to work. I hope all of you are doing well, too.
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| | Posted 2/26/2007 7:06 PM - 10 views - 1 comments
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