| I'm so fucken fatYes, I'm back and I'm fatter than ever. I hate myself for it. I haven't been this fat for years. I don't know why I let myself get to this weight. I feel so ugly and uncomfortable... help... |
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| I've been in Asia for about a week...the first few days i was actually 45 kg which is awesome. only in my wildest dreams would i be at 45 kg and not going crazy. then i had to eat more >< sigh...now i can't wait to get back to my grandmother's home where there is two scales that i can weight myself with. i am currently with my aunt and uncle...doing nothing but watching tv and eat...agh!
before i leave i am determined to be at 43 kg. it shouldn't be hard..."shouldn't!!" be we all know its hard as hell. anyways i'm gonna try =/
so i was thinking how wonderful it would be to be one of those girls that are super skinny and always trying to put on weight. they don't even know they're lucky...and i hate them for it.
goodbye loves...good luck |
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1006
so i got my period...dispite me being all bloated and binging on junk the last week...i would have to say i'm content about my current weight. 100.5 ; 101 ; 102.5
yes i have three scales...and i like it 
the bad news...i might have to get a root canal. i've been having hot/cold sensitivity issues with my tooth and i went in to see the dentist to get it checked out. he took out my filling and replaced it with new ones hoping that it my tooth would be fine. but now its still sensitive.  oh wells...i guess things could have been worst.
okay..i'm off...good luck girls!!
thinspos
 <-- i'm getting my bangs like this tomorrow
look how skinny rachel bilson is compare to the other girls. what a lovely sight...and look at her tiny torso.
<33 |
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| lots of stuff happened today...and now i feel very pissed off. here's the downlow
before dinner:
i binged on carbs and junk food. i was doing so well too...two days of hardcore no carbs. yes to me this is hard because i have the biggest sweet tooth. anyways i was feeling okay after my binge but something clicked and all of a sudden i'm panicing and freaking out about the 8294103271490 number of cals i just ingested. so i go into my parents bathroom to puke it up. (the bathroom is bigger..and luckly my dad is not home because he went to pick up my mom from work) while i was in the shower....my mom comes in...good think i wasn't mid-puking. agh...talk about a close call
dinner time:
i'm feeling sad while eating this meat i marinated because after i puked i weighted myself and i was ~100lbs and now i was gonna get fat. during dinner parents and i were talking about my mom's work. i told her that maybe she should bring in a treat for her bosses dogs since she brings them to work. at this time my mom is cutting extra meat for her lunch tomorrow. smart ass dad says..to my mom why don't you bring that meat for the dog. now i'm PISSED...because i made the dinner for them and he was so rude to say that....so i told him it was rude, etc... we kept on talking about the dogs and he says to my mom...i think you have to cut it smaller for the dog. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! i can't believe people are that FUCKEN rude!!! on top of that my mom kept her mouth shut...you would think she would get mad at him too. AGH..
anyways...here's fat pics of my that i took post puke
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| so i have 3 scales that i weight myself on....because i feel like if i had only one it might not give me the right weight. each morning i get on my three scales and take the highest weight. so theoritically i could weight less than i thought. but anyways...i weight myself through out the day.
is that weird??!?!?! i'm sure there's someone out there that does the same =/
okay thinspos later today...good luck girls. <3
thinspos...
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