CAUTION YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ AN ACTUAL BLOG
scroll down if you want the good stuff (THE GUIDE).

It's been 3-6 months since a real actual blog has been introduced to my Xanga, and that's been because I've been otherwise distracted or not interested in sharing my thoughts, opinions and divine wisdom.

This morning I woke up a little late, rolled over and said screw it, screw it to a mid-term review day. Let's back up 8 hours, it's midnight and Sarah just left, she came over because she's awesome like that, and not to leave out Aaron he consoled me mano y mano style on Saturday that is, with alcohol and liberal speech. But I digress, 8 hours ago, Sarah had just left, I had a fair stack of Spanish homework to wrangle with, and determined that a quick hop across the interwebs to pull my brain up from the self loathing pit it was and has been delicately perched upon the lip of, I surfed. Then when I was done surfing, I exited to the desktop to began my labor, this was midnight:30, I receive the first of an onslaught of critical error messages, each followed by an alert from my antivirus software, alerting me to a potential active threat, every time I told it to kill whatever was making noise, a new one would takes its place, so after about 20 of these warnings and then alerts, I powered down my PC and restarted in safe mode,  long story short, I finished healing my electronic child around 4 this morning, then did my homework and then succumbed to sleep around 5:30.

But again, I have and will continue to detour from my main point, because that is the way of life, and the bastardy way that I behave around friends. I have many faces. I let them free with Kathleen, and it was liberating, but almost like they were attached with elastic, they came back to cloud my judgment and hide my feelings, reliable fuckers they are.

There it is again, the detours, anyways, I did eventually get up and shower, then I checked my oil on the car before leaving, it burns oil at a depressively high rate, so it was about a quart shy, so I busted out my 5 quart container and in my haste ignored myself warning about not using a funnel and started pouring, the first big blurp of oil missed the hole all together and ran down my engine housing to the driveway, GREAT. After I was done topping off the oil in the car, I pushed it back to look at the pool of oil on the driveway, I did some stuff which isn't pertinent to this post and in the process made a mess and burned about 15 minutes. Terrible times.

The point I was trying to get to was that I've devised a theory nae a credo by which to govern my actions and those of anyone willing to succeed in life.

The Cody Hilpert Guide to Success
Disclaimer: It is not terribly advisable to follow this guide if you value your self opinions, you know, when your all alone and there's nothing to do but think, if your vulnerable to self pity and degradation, don't follow this guide.

In order to succeed, you must first make a decision, do you want her to be happy, or do you want to be happy?
Got it figured out? ok.

Option (1)
For her to be happy
-Be open and honest, girls fucking love honesty, but you have to temper it, if she asks if you love her or if that dress makes her look like a hog fresh from the trough, balance your options and respond with honesty, however fluffed and deluded it is, be honest.
-Kick your alter egos to the door, wash away the lies of time and space. Everyone has faces, in the workplace and school they are a necessity for functionality and survival. With your girl, let it all go, be who you really are with her, if she doesn’t like it, then it is not meant to be, OR follow Option(2).
-Console her even at the cost of your own desires, needs or wants. Some women would see this as clingy, creepy or dependent, they are delusional, temper your actions to distract from them, don't be too obvious, or stalkerish, just support her in her endeavors and do what you must to keep her happy, at nearly any cost.
-When failure is imminent do what is best for her. If it starts to go by the wayside, try to fix it, but not at the cost of further damaging her. Sacrifice your own safety for her, because with Option (1) she is the priority, and you are but a satellite orbiting what must be kept safe and true.
Ultimately you will feel as if you've bettered the world through letting this girl stay happy even at the cost of your own emotions, but eventually, since you let your emotions factor into this, they will float to the surface and wonder why she's not with you anymore

It is a strong possibility that your self doubts will pry on you until you snap or find a replacement, or if your toned and expecting this, you'll likely float along a sea of limitless despair from time to time. During this phase it is critical that you keep yourself busy, your thoughts are your enemy, they will betray and harm you, keep your distance from them to keep your sanity. Seek solitude and compassion from your male and female friends, their input might not make sense, but it's something to let you brain ponder in place of the turmoil.

Following the rules of Option(1) will basically make her happy, but could potentially fuck you in the process, so lets say you're out to be happy and stay happy, then follow option (2).

Option (2).
For you to be "happy"
There are quotes around happy, because with this option, the happy times do outweigh the self loathing moments, but if you have a conscience then it is an inevitability, but nothing that a manipulatively demanded blow job won't distract you from.
*First you must not think of her as a person anymore* If you do, you will begin to hate yourself for being such a dickface. It is imperative that you not let yourself sink to this level, she is there for a purpose not for a need. Don't let yourself become dependent on her, she is dependent on you and work every day to maintain this dependence. This brings us to rule one.
-Lie This will be your most powerful tool, you will use it to dilute the truth, manipulate, and generally get what you want through the power of suggestion. You will be cornered on this, but by the time she suspects that you've been lying to her, you will have perfected your skill, the only challenge to her suspicion and your success over it, is time. Pretended like your filibustering, she won't take the quick lie this time, you must become the oratory linguist that you've been practicing for all along, this is your moment to shine. If you succeed, and it is likely that you will, she will be sold, and butter in your hands, ready to be molded into whatever you want.  She could be a Co-dependent vagina, warm body with many holes, money source, punching bag. I don't personally advocate or practice the punching bag aspect, because I don't think violence of the physical nature need ever been activated, words are strong enough, and if you know what you’re doing using rule one, it's all your going to need.
-LIE it's not a typographical error, it is emphasis, you must lie at all times, if you think that you need to be honest take a special moment to grab a testicle in each hand and smash them together until you don't feel human anymore. Then go do what must be done, the lying that is.
-Keywords these powerful words if used in the correct order or time period will secure your intentions.
Would I ever lie to you, look into my eyes, I'll let you know when I want your lip, you mean everything to me, blue balls, whore, cunt, slut, not good enough, worthless, etc. the list goes on.
-Insults, be critical of her looks, actions, failures in life, and lack of success in the future. If you can swing it, make her believe that without you she will fail at everything. This will help to insure her dependence on you and lessens the potential that she'll think you’re lying.
-Sympathy I know your thinking, what the hell is this doing here. Let me explain you ignorant ass hat, sympathy is something that girls cannot escape. They love to care for wounded things, do not be afraid to utilize this weakness it is a sure fire way to get what you want. Say you’re vulnerable to something, or you’re really feeling one way or the other, or you’re in pain. Early on I used get blue balls, but you know what, telling a girl that by not finishing the job she's hurting you, really makes a difference. In the 'her lapping up your knuckle children' department.
-Don't be a whore. It's normal to want to be obsessive with your new found powers, don't be stupid. There is a temperance to everything, you have to spread it out, otherwise she'll catch on, and that's bad. Not bad because she'll leave you but, bad because it just means more work for you. It's really your call, would you want lots of sex, or lots of noisy work?
Good choice my friend, read on!

-Hide your emotions your an idiot if you ever let her see the real you. Even when your breaking it off, in that dire situation, do not let your guard down, she could be used for networking, always make her feel like it's her fault. This will leave her open for booty calls when you have down time and a hard cock.
-"Listen" a guy that listens, is a treasure among women. You shouldn't listen to her talk because unlike women, when we're not drunk, we are concise and business like. Women have an opposite filter, all you need to listen for is the beginning, any emphasized words, and most importantly the last thing she says, if you fail at any of those, no biggie. Just read her body language, and based on that respond positively or negatively in kind, with both body language and speech. This is a sure fire way to get her on your side, stupid girls.
-How to deal with a table turner When she turns the tables on you, this is an inevitability, you must remain relaxed, the bitch wants you to get angry, this is her tool. Don't let her win, showing anger shows that something matters, and that is the biggest mistake you can make.
Remember, she is a thing, not a person. Men have compassion towards intimate objects, sport equipment, BBQ grills, cars/trucks, computers, guitars and such. But she's nothing compared to them. She's there to serve. Not to be cared for.
Calmly respond in a quiet manor, this will confuse and scare her, she won't show it, but in her core, she will be nervous. It's not important what you say, maybe a cut down, maybe a power phrase, but stay away from name calling, because its results are just the same as raising your voice. More wasted time, and ground lost to her side. Finish saying your piece, DO NOT let her interrupt you even if she really wants to, even if she does, keep talking. She is now panicking, you’re not folding and she's scared that her uprising has fucked what she has with you. She will calm down. Let silence fall, but keep your gaze Ridgeley fixed on her face, it's a game for you, but to her it's a heart stopping moment of fearful clarity in the error of her ways. Two things could happen from here:
1: She storms out yelling and moving her arms like a typical woman. which is fine for you, because there's still TV, sports, physical activities, driving around, and if you've known the ways of Option(2), booty calls waiting to fulfill your needs, go to them now, make her see that she has failed yet again, and that she was and will always be wrong.
2: She apologizes and likely closes the void of heated air between you and her, It is a strong possibility that she could be sobbing, again, don't think of her emotions, because she's not a person. Ignore her pleas for consolation let her desires hit you like a bird into a jumbo jet turbine engine. After a while, maybe a few hours or a day if your committed enough to your role. Accept her failure to be good enough, and offer her avenues to resolve the matter. This is usually where you can tally up how many favors of labor or sex that she must complete in order to make you forget her indiscretions.
-Lie I don't think I need to recap anything, I'm just trying to reinforce this critical skill trait, that as you might have been able to gather, is the basis for every other skill / rule under Option(2).

So, here we are, first I tried Option(1) but didn't really commit to it, fresh out of the gate, an ignorant wanting college freshmen, I started dating a girl that had a 3 year jump on me, Option(1) got me 2 weeks of relationship, resulting in a bizarre rushed breakup. Then with the same girl, I initiated Option (2) ultimately I received over 2 years literally countless blow jobs and disappointing sexual endeavors, not on my part, but on hers, because there's a reason for showering, but that is a completely different guide. It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops and in the end my conscience got the best of me and I failed to meet the standards of my own guide.

Recently, I met a girl, through a friend of a friend, and we hit it off, it was amazing, everything EVERYTHING was amazing... This was Option(1) all the way, this girl in no way deserved any aspect of Option(2) she was too kind and just amazing all around to deserve anything less than Option(1). Ultimately, it got me farther than 2 weeks, but it resulted in a mutual departure from the romantic and physical portion of the relationship, the emotional unit is still on the table, but at the advisement of my male buddies, I'm hesitant to go for the scraps. I mean it's still too hot for me, for fucks sake, I almost cried in front of her, and on my own, if that's not a red flag of desperation I don't know what is. Luckily my male friends were there to bolster the man in me with spirits and tobacco and liberal speech of the crimes of the female sex. That is not to say, that only men care for men, the match maker even came to console me, maybe not so much out of pity, but just because. In any event both visits saved me from the most intense self loathing period, but there still remains a fair chunk of time to my thoughts. Hopefully this LENGTHY somewhat overdue Xanga post will bring calm to the turbulent waves of thought washing over my beached boat.

Well it looks like it quit raining, so I'd better try to get to my car, l8r readers.