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zephry221
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Name: Emmanuel
Metro:
Interests: What im interested in.. dissatisfaction with myself and seeking the heart of God. Loving Jesus Himself and not anyone's or my idea of who He is. I want to see God's power at work in my own life.
Expertise: hrm. sinning. not perfect ya kno. "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." [romans 3:23] "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" [romans 5:8] other than that.. Im decent at badminton too. I like to learn, debate, discuss, converse. I am a person that likes to think and be convicted.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
9/3/2003
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| Post Election ThoughtsIn the heated political environment of the recent times, especially the past month or so, I'm going to write the things on my heart. Living as a Christian in a so-called democratic state as the U.S. is certainly interesting, in the past 24 hours or so I've been trying to articulate how I am going to approach the Post-Election Day America. I know that there will be people that disagree with me, but that's ok.. as I'm going to justify why I don't care.
On the ballot this year, there were many notable issues. First off, the presidential election has been historical as many have already said. Second, the California ballot (2 other states had similar legislation being passed) had the ban on gay marriage. I openly will say that I voted Yes on Prop 8. Just saying this will often elicit sharp cries of "WHY?" or more extreme responses from my college peers, even among Christians. I really abhor pointless debates and moral issues are one of them. This is the reason why:
Simply put, as a Christian, I know that there are moral values that come from God. However in modern humanism, namely the majority of society today, God does not exist. When forced to debate regarding a moral issue using God as my answer, it holds no logic in a humanistic society. A clearer way to explain this is that there are two levels of knowledge: the Knowledge of God and Humanism. If Humanism is summed up in the definition: "Man is the measure of all things," then the Knowledge of God is defined as, "God is the measure of all things."
What the heck am I saying? Well take a look at this picture in all its RGB glory:
This is the knowledge of God. This is absolute truth on the level it was created to be. The flower is obviously some shade of pink or purple just like how I believe God meant marriage to be one man, one woman. However, when we kill God in our minds and hearts, we take absolute truth and run it through humanistic filters to make it relative. It's like flattening an image into grayscale:
What color are the flowers? You decide for yourself. Certainly, I could live in an existence where I decide the color of the flower. But if I had seen the colors before it became black and white, I would know deep down that I'm lying to myself or simply refusing to acknowledge the truth. Psalm 53:1a, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.'"
I'm making this relationship that I have with God seem way too intellectual than it really is. The knowledge of God is not merely "law." But as it says in Ephesians 1:17-18, "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints." It continues on in Ephesians 2:17-19, "that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Wow. These passages always create a burning desire to know God to have an inkling of an idea of God's love and His Glory.
I liken the encounter with God to something like Neo breaking out of the Matrix for the first time:
This is how I feel when I debate with people on politics. We're on completely different planes of existence.. you can be the judge of which you prefer. One side are people that realize that as humans, we're "sojourners and pilgrims" (1 Peter 2:11). We aren't meant to serve an earthly kingdom, but a heavenly one. Like Neo, our minds are renewed, not drunk with wine but full of the Holy Spirit. Once out of this Matrix, I can't go back in because I know that my cause as a freed man is not the same as I was in captiveity of sin. Meanwhile, there are those that remain in the simulated reality. Of course, there are those that are like Cypher who are aware of the world outside of the Matrix, but prefer the pleasures of the virtual world.
I probably went very close to some boundaries there, maybe even crossed several. I'm all about love, but I'm certainly not perfect. That's why I'm glad that I, a human being, am not the measure of all things. Many will think that I'm a nut, well put me together with some other believers, and we'll be mixed nuts. Nice pun! In conclusion, if you think I'm kind of nutty.. it's not likely I'm going to make sense to you, this is really aimed more at fellow Jesus Freaks. On the other hand, I understand those intellectual and logical (humanistic) arguments and they ARE convincing...if only I didn't believe that there is a Higher Being who is above what we think.
On a different note. Barack Obama is our president-elect. I was watching the news and I was a little frightened in the way people looked up to him. There were people crying tears of joy and displaying eerily excess adoration/devotion to our new president. I suppose it makes sense considering his campaign has been all about "hope" and "change" and "progress." However, I disagree. He may be my next president, but I will not put my trust in men. Obama is NOT my savior. Our nation is built on "In God We Trust" and rightly so. Turn to God, America! Have mercy on us, Oh God.
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| The Call - continued I just want to clarify that The Call is not a pro-life rally or political campaign or w/e. The Call is a day of united, massive fasting and prayer for the state and nation. I'm excited. These are exciting times to be living in.
I wish God would just show up, but the waiting sometimes is so hard.. In the past few days, I've been struggling with doubts and discouragement because I want breakthrough just so bad. I want my apartment mates to be rocked with the love of God, I want UCSD to never be the same again, I want to see and know God in the realest possible way.
Why not me, God? That's what brings me down somewhat.. I hear great testimonies and stories. Part of me rejoices, but it just strengthens that question, why not me?
Excerpts from Psalm 37, which I read the other day and hold on to tightly:
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your
heart.
Commit you way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the
light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him
But those who wait on the Lord,
They shall inherit the earth.
The steps of a good an are ordered by the
Lord,
And He delights in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.
The law of his God is in his heart;
None of his steps shall slide.
Wait on the Lord,
and keep His way,
And He shall exalt you to inherit the land
So waiting and inheriting. | | |
| In the Burning...All the oceans have lifted
The voice of their pounding waves will cry
Lord of life, so vast
You invest in a broken soul
All the love, all the love, all the love
In the burning
I get the feeling
My senses are far too small
To contain your fire
You are so beautiful, like no other
I am burning for you
I cry from a world that demands my affection
I pray for the light that will guide my eyes
You are radiant brilliance
You provide for the darkened soul
All the love, all the love, all the love
In the fire I will find you
For your great heart
I long for you, Messiah
In the tears I won't cease to see
That you are Holy, oh Lord
I am so close, I am so weak
I am so strong, I am so wrapped up
In the burning, I am burning for you
It's a beautiful song by Something Like Silas.. At this moment in my life.. I've rediscovered another awakened hunger. After being set free at Jesusculture over a month ago (wow, its been that long already), it's suddenly become easier to spend time with God everyday and to keep the lamps of my body pure (eyes). However, these long-time struggles disappearing has made me a little complacent in my pursuit of God. But today I've caught a glimpse of the vastness of God and how little I know Him. It's like I chased Him hard for a little bit, caught my breath, and I am taking off after my love once again. Walking down the path that Jesus has walked is not satisfying enough.. I want to catch Him and to dance with him.
Segue to quick story.. So at Jesusculture, Samuel picked up this periodical at Bethel and there was a story in it. Everyone knows the footprints in the sand story.. but this was a different spin on it.
In the man's dream, there were two pairs of footprints. At first, the two pairs of footprints were all over the place and kind of chaotic. However, as the footprints went further, one pair began to imitate the gait of the other and soon began to walk IN them and began to grow and fill the size of those footprints. For a short distance, there were only one pair of footprints, and then there were two sets of footprints again and they went all over the place, crazy... even more so than before.
The man asked Jesus, "I understand that one pair of footprints were mine and the others were yours. When I was young in my faith, I wandered all over the place and as I matured, I began to imitate You and we became as one. What I don't understand is the footprints that went even more crazy after the single pair of footprints. What happened?"
Jesus answered, "Son, you are right about the first two sets of footprints. After we had become one, THAT was when we danced!"
Haha.. so wonderful eh? Not completely sure where I'm going with this.. but my feelings are completely echoed in the song and story I shared. I've such a desire to know Him more. And like the header pic.. I'm burning.. being consumed to know and love Him more.
I don't list prayer requests much.. think of this like sharing my prayer life. Last night, I was convicted when reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It talked about not judging people from the outside because God looks at the inside. We may see a wonderful worship leader praising God and think to ourselves that his worship makes God happy. Then there's a sinful young man who's just been stuck in a difficult environment and struggling with always falling short. However God may be equally or even more happy when that man makes a step to turn towards God. C.S. Lewis then went to make the point that everyone has been placed in different situations and given various gifts.. when Judgment Day comes, the external will be stripped away and the inner man will remain. In the case of the worship leader, his gift and opportunity in worship will fall off and we will see his heart in worship, while the struggling young man's circumstances and struggle with the flesh will fall off and we will see his heart in pleasing the Lord. And we may be very surprised! This is a very roundabout way to say that I need guidance and divine help to live to my full potential, that when the external is stripped away, my inner man would please God. This is especially due to not knowing exactly how to go about this in college and the rest of my life. Questions for the future and even in the present..
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| Outrageous.. love.I think this post is going to be quite long and loosely connected. It's been a very busy few weeks where I've been caught up in school stuffz, work, etc. But it seems like I've finally arrived at the eye of the storm. I went to watch Iron Man the other night. It was frikkin amazing. Initially, I didn't think much of it because the trailers made it seem like any other mediocre superhero film, but I considered watching it after my suitemates came back on Friday night and said it was beyond words. So, I jumped at the chance when some guys from Little Spark asked if I was interested in joining them for the 11pm showing on Saturday night. The mecha-esque suit and all the spiffy tech gadgets were just pure eye candy.. it left an awe-some impression. And it wasn't just the visual effects, the character of Tony Stark (Iron Man) was well done and the dialogue was entertaining, yet not too cheesy. Definitely highly recommended.. it's like no one's life is complete without seeing it.
Anyhow, going beyond just the aesthetics of the movie.. It brings up a few points I'd like to talk about.
First, the reason why I think other people and I thoroughly enjoy this movie is because of the experience of the sublime. The sublime literally means "the high place" and it describes that higher level of experience such as standing at the top of a mountain with a breathtaking view. When I was watching "Iron Man" and even after leaving the theater, I still remember that feeling of watching Iron Man fly at supersonic speeds high above the earth and be practically invincible. Who wouldn't want that? Of course, there's also that technological sublime of seeing the technology of the armor suit, etc. where there's an appreciation of human creations.. it could be possible someday to achieve that.
Second, the movie has the theme regarding a man's purpose. After the movie, a fellow moviewatcher said that he felt that his life had no purpose in comparison to Tony Stark. I agree and disagree. Certainly, I was provoked to think about my own purpose or "calling" (if you will) in life. I feel a little uncomfortable that I don't really know what I'm going to do 10 years down the road. I don't even know what to major in. However, I do not envy or really admire Tony Stark's so-called vision of living a life of redemption in destroying the weapons he created and saving the world. It sounds grandiose and heroic, but I think that there's a greater and more fulfilling calling for us (as Christians especially) to outrageous love.
To love beyond what is normal, extraordinary or outrageous, is counterintuitive to society. I was watching this TV with some suitemates and this TV talk show that starred Steve Wilkos, I think he's the bouncer dude for Jerry Springer, came on. The gist of the episode was about some old lady in her 50's or 60's, maybe even older, who had gone on the show to confess about killing a baby in her younger years. Tearfully, she recounts when she was like twenty something at a hotel in Las Vegas or somewhere and a couple asked her to watch their baby while they were out. She initially refused because she had been drinking all day, but they finally convinced her to do it. So while she was babysitting, the baby started crying and the drunk lady gave it a little alcohol and the baby died. She never told the parents and after many many years, she's hoping to meet the parents on the TV show and confess her wrongdoing in hopes of receiving redemption.
Steve, the host, condemns the lady instead of showing any signs of mercy. He verbally abuses her, yelling at her to stand up because she didn't deserve to sit in his chair, calls her a murderer, tells her that she has no redemption and she is going to die in Hell for sure. Basically, Steve just hates on this old lady and keeps reminding her what a horrible person she is. The crowd was just standing up and applauding, egging on and supporting Steve in judging the lady. He kicks the lady off his stage and tells her that he is going to talk to the parents behind the stage, but not allow her to see them. Steve talks to the mother of the deceased baby and makes it clear that he's carrying out justice where the law can't reach because apparently the lady has double jeopardy so she can't be convicted. The whole scene just struck me powerfully because on one hand she deserves the ridicule according to the standards of society, but it was messed up that there was no forgiveness though she showed deep remorse. What would it have been like if Steve had shown grace rather than judgment? Is it right for him to act as the hand of justice? Like what Jesus taught; judge not, lest you be judged. What if the parents told Steve that they wanted to see the lady and forgive her? Imagine how the atmosphere would be transformed.. Steve and the audience wouldn't understand something like that because society is geared to think linearly--what goes around should come around and bite you in the ass. To break that chain of events is to make that way of thinking squiggle and shift paradigms.
For me, I just want the lady to know that there is someone out there that loves her and has taken her sins and shame upon Himself. Certainly, I cannot place myself in the position of the resentful parents of the baby. I know it's not easy to forgive and give grace, but that's what God does and what Christians should strive to do. In church this past Sunday, the pastor preached about Hosea 3 where Hosea's prostitute wife, Gomer, had left him and went back to her past. Hosea goes and pays an extravagant amount of money [a year's wages or more] to get back his unfaithful wife to represent God's love for his runaway people of Israel. Mercy and grace are different things.. Mercy is not using a right that one has [such as withholding deserved punishment], while grace is going beyond mercy and showing love [to love instead of punishing]. I really wanted the lady to know there was this grace for her.. I want people to know that Christianity is about this redeeming love that doesn't make sense.
This week so far has been a challenge for me in this area. I am so not perfect. I know I've failed many times in judging other people and not showing grace, especially to my roommate. It's easy to say stuffz that sounds great like "my purpose in life is to show outrageous love to others and change their lives," but in reality, it's a heroic task that's harder than whatever Iron Man does. Thank God for His grace through Jesus' death on the cross that makes it possible for everyone.
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| Crossroadsbags under eyes.
chapped lips.
long hair.
stupid scar from potato gun.
I was going to just write a super short post because its late right not.. it's 4am biological time. However, the last post was pretty short so I'm going to write a longer post so my xanga looks better. =P I don't like the new xanga features and stuffz.. I wish it would go back to being plain and simple the way it used to be. I almost could not figure out how to write new posts.. heh. Oh wells.. I haven't given up on xanga yet because of everything invested in it already--it's like the story of my life. hahaha.. Wow, I'm rambling on and on in semi-good grammar too. I suppose its about time to update this thing now that the second quarter of college has ended.
Winter 2008 has been an improvement over the previous quarter. I guess I'm adjusting better now.. getting the hang of this lifestyle. I've made new friends, built stronger relationships, gotten my first job (surprising isn't it?), settling down with fellowships and a church. I finally feel like I have a grasp of who I am and what I'm doing now though I'm still trying to figure out my major and my future that's farther down the road. God's been good, no doubt. I was able to go back home for Encounter and counsel little twerps at my home church's winter retreat.. had friends from home visit.. Gosh, I don't know what I'm talking about, just typing random thoughts.
I suppose I entitled this post as crossroads because I think thats where I am at this moment in time. Just having come home from Philly and NY for collegiate nationals, I was starting to actually like folk from UCSD.. haha like.. being able to see these people as friends I could get to know the next few years.. I guess that's what you get from spending every waking hour with some badminton freaks. After getting off the plane and meeting up with the usual gang (kool kids klub) at HON, it kinda felt weird.. It's getting harder to have things stay the same as time goes on due to the circumstances of being away from home. Sure, I love my peeps that I mess around with here in Norcal.. but there are these other new blossoming friendships in college that I will have to give my energy and attention to as well. *sigh* It's probably me just afraid that my precious preexisting friendships will diminish as new ones grow... is that reality? I don't know.. I don't want that to happen.. but it's happened before. Changes. Changes. Changes. I know I'm at a crossroads in transition.
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