| windows weren't born to be fun, but yesterday we turned a mass of peeling lead paint and glass pains into The Shit. i even invited it over for a movie and popcorn.
Though on a complete different subject matter the train that I didn't give a damn about until yesterday is gone from a park I only gave a damn about once when I was five and now I'm pissed. I miss that train.
I decided I'm glad that I never have anything to write about, stuff happening just sucks.
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| I've known for a long time that I can't fool everyanybody.
I just want to know how everyone else is getting away with it.
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| It took me ten minutes to find this.Xanga needs to stop doing whatever it's doing.
Anyways, things are just looking up as I realized yesterday while I basked in my boredness. However much doctors lie because they think they're telling me what I want to hear.
But none of that matters, because the world is worth $3.15, and for once avoiding attention is really what I want.
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| I woke up today and the world was empty.
Not really in a bad way. Not bad at all actually, it was nice. The world dies every Saturday morning, but it's a peaceful death. A death filled with quiet and old people going to Perkins.
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| Alright I'm scared.
I've been fucking scared for a long time now.
Like two years scared. Scared like thrown into dark waters infested by giant squids with needles. Scared like locked in a closet with a horny child molesting clown with HIV. Scared like the world's coming to a slow and painful end at some horrible flesh eating disease.
I don't know what to do, I'm not sure where I'm going or what exactly I'm supposed to do with myself. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm bitching, and the future is freaking the hell out of me. It's not to say I haven't been loving life in general, but it's like there's always that dark storm cloud looming out ahead of me and it's slowly progressing towards me, or I'm moving towards it... whatever. But whatever happens I know that sometime that storm is going to hit and I'm afraid I'll be the only one left out there without shelter. Everyone I know is so confident and so amazing and so sure of what lies ahead for them and I have no fucking idea what I need to do. Not even the faintest trickle.
Motivation is a hard thing to come across when you're unsure if you can change anything. It's equally hard to come across when you're reminded everyday that it's not his fault and how disappointing you must be. It feels like the story's already written and I'm just playing out some sick writers little plot in order for some entertainment. Though I'm not sure what would be so entertaining about it.
It's sad the only thing pulling me through this is knowing that the person closest to me is feeling the same way. I suppose I should be lucky I have my friend to ride through this storm with.
/endwhining
Oh, that felt good.
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