Holiness, holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness, holiness is what You
want from me

Holiness, holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness, holiness is what You
want from me

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To Yours, to Yours, oh, Lord

Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for
Faithfulness is what I need
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what
You want from me

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I need
Brokenness, brokenness is what
You want from me

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And after all,
in my aloneness, the darkness, my questions, my wonderment, the fear of men, uncertainty, the scrutiny, the ridicule, through joy of friendship, midnight tears, meaninglessness, broken dreams, new hope, deep silence, the trembling, the awe, my frailty..

And in my humanness You're only drawing me deeper
to You.
to Love
to Your people
to the Image of You
to Hope of Glory.

And still the cry of my heart is Come

I have a friend who -I was convinced, for many years since graduation from high school- would show me what it means to live like a gypsy- free spirited and passionate to the core. She is my nominee for 'Most Likely to Have an Unconventional, Enviable Life'. She was the first friend I knew with a real tattoo, who would flash it when we changed to our pjk clothes in the girls' toilet. Piercings. Many boyfriends. Lovers even at school. Who probably gave me the guts to skip SPM Add Math Trial Paper for dimsum. (as you can see, I'm hardly rebellious.. =P)

To a certain extend she has gone places with that go-for-it attitude. She's bagged her own trance singles, hitting the indie charts with it. Pulled off her own photography exhibition. Found her own life.

I have lesser but equally bizarre exposure to what dreams may look like in real life. Freshly graduated, and being quickly and easily hired by one of the most successful and well known brand in fashion history was a dream that shouldn't have been. And moving out on my own anticulturally was something that gave me a real high. So did planning my great escape to the UK for more successes.

Yet funnily, when it comes to this life, this world, this system - we're scarily similar in that we're both struggling to fit in. There is a nagging need, or is it pressure, to 'grow up' and leave dreams behind. To settle down and start working for the system. That is to find a job suitable for your degree, match the stereotype, get to the grind and move up. Because somehow it isn't a horizontal journey of interesting experiences, twists and turns, like our minds imagined while we were innocent. Mature living sees life more like a neverending ladder, hill, slope, whatever you may call it that goes upwards. It's all about upgrading yourself.

So where does that leave those who are grappling at the bottom of that hill... still wondering if we should embark on the journey or if we're even cut out for it? Those who've gone ahead may look at us in dismay, such cowardly and unfocused individuals. Tsktsk. But what if I really prefer to take the scenic, less travelled route?

To carve our own path, and to find out about unspoken dreams and how it may come true for us if we dared it. To find surprises in store for those who look in hidden places. I so want to discover what it is my heart beats and bleeds for... desires that may have been left at the door while entering into 'adulthood' as well as those I've yet to be introduced to but is inside of me.

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

[No reality check for me today, please]

Thanks for all you who crept into my house to celebrate with me, took me for a movie and drinks, baked me angel food cake, bought me chocolates, brought me flowers, decorated my apartment with candles and rose petals, lent me their lovely watermelon scented oil, wished me in any way.

I'm gonna have a good birthday because of you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
the hardest part is over
Let it in,
let your clarity define you
In the end
we will only just remember how it feel

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
but these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

All of my regret
will wash away some how
But i can not forget
the way i feel right now


Thank You for friends who love me and help me do what's right.

Since I don't have any words of wisdom or revelation to post, I shall put up some fairly recent photos of things that I'm keeping busy / entertained with.

Pictures are courtesy of Jude, Reuben, Des & miscellaneous people.


Church decor for Colin & Joo Na that we were very nervous about pulling off....


My my I loved Ai May's Orange Poppyseed cupcakes with lemon icing...


With Joo Na at her wedding dinner. I think it cool that she's wearing jeans!


Pretending to be car models on Janelle's Honda.. this the one you liked, Josh?


I like the autumnal colour of oranges and reds.

Oh I want more to do. Stuff that excites me and make me happy.
I also want to post more. I need material. Inspiration.

If we hit the end of the road, would you look back and say you still loved me?
Or will you run into the distance with your possibilities?

If you could stop and see that you were wrong, would you be sorry?
Would you make amends or carry on blindly?

If I fell too hard or took too much to heart,
Can you blame me? Can you say you didn't demand it?

If I can't recover, and I can't reconsider,
Would I be too late and lose all that had mattered?

If I step out to new horizons and I travel strange lands,
Would anyone be there for me, would You hold my hand?

Where is my consolation?