| new xanga: alwaysforanya. So check 'er out. I may be
changing my livejournal too. I dont know...I needed a change.
i will probably be updating there from now on, so get used to it :)
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| IM tired of people thinking I dont care about them anymore. WTF
mate? I try, but no one really recognizes it. Times like
these you just want to stop trying and say "here, deal with your shit,
Im going to take a nap and act like the bitch Im made out to be."
I want to but I dont think I could if I tried. The problem is I
do care about people....way too much so. So much in fact that I almost
screwed myself into failing my first semester AT COLLEGE because I was
worrying about them, and trying to help them. Try and tell me
that means I dont care.
Its the worst feeling I know- dissappointing people. For me its
worse than physical pain. And it doesnt matter whether its my
fault or not, but finding out that I have not met someone elses
standards makes me physically ill. Its a flaw, Ill admit, and its
not one of my choosing. If I had the choice I would be like a
sponge- just take and absorb everything around me and not
change. But I cant do that.
So lately Ive been trying to get back in the game. Trying to catch up
on homework Ive missed, study for my final exams next week,
and trying not to alienate people. Obviously im failing at the
last one, otherwise we wouldnt be having this conversation.
Like Ive left on other people's xanga, this is the message I want
people to get : Just because Im not around as much as you
deserve, that doesnt mean that I dont care. I just have to take
care of some things so I dont flunk out of school. Occasionally,
life has to take priority, and Im sure if I had managed things
correctly it wouldnt be this extreme. But I didnt, so all of my
friends are paying for it with me. And believe me I feel horrible
about being around less, and I feel horrible that you think I dont
care.
I dont know how much more of this I can handle. For those of you
that wanted to know, my appointment is at ten friday morning.
Otherwise, I dont have anything to say. Do me a favoe and smile at someone today.
Also, I know its a little out of character for me to say this kinda
thing on here, but some of the people this needs to get across to have
been avoiding my phone calls...
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| yep definately been awhile since ive been able to be on this
thing. Things are going decently well, Im recovering well from my
yearly bout of seasonal depression. the windy day we had was
awesome. yupp
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| so i lied.
I have discovered the joy of free computer labs :)
um im coming home next weekend. (the weekend of the 13th I THINK)
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| just so everyone knows my laptop died, so i wont be updating for awhile.
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