| Have you guys ever read "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe? Well, what follows is a parody (a spoof, of sorts) of that poem that was written by my brother. It's pretty ingenius and is especially funny if you've read The Raven. Enjoy!!!
"Once upon a noontime eerie, while I found my eyes quite bleary
A thought struck me like a skyscraper, I said, "I'll root for Baltimore!"
While I waited, really rapping, suddenly I started crapping
As of someone gently clapping, clapping on my wooden oar,
"I should not," said I, "be eating poisoned berries anymore!"
Nearly missed the dresser drawer.
I remember it was in September, no, November, wait, December!
And each slow and silent member nibbled on his apple core.
Fast I thumbed through my book on Pharaoh and wished I were a raven or sparrow
For though I muscled with bone and marrow, I could not skewer my wild boar -
For though fast and furious as my mind was, I could not skewer my wild boar -
Blameless here, I'll sever and gore!
And the pretty purple kitten always wanting to play badminton
Finds me--Binds me with terrific jokes galore
So that now, to keep deleting the giggle of my heart, I spoke the greeting,
"'Tis most unlikely they are to have kittens in Ecuador;
I say, quite highly unlikely for there to be kittens in Ecuador;
I'll have to ask the commodore."
I feel asleep and dreamed I was a ping-ponger, and that my brother was a sing-songer
Deep and dark were my dreams that night, fitfully tossing, now and then a snore,
Suddenly it felt as if there was water lapping, leaking in the room but it was just the drapes a-flapping,
But wait, did I hear something there, was it slapping, someone slapping at half-past four?
Who would be there, pulling a fast one on me, outside my window at half-past four?
Darkness fell then and not before.
Tall, stood I, and with my earring, I could make a look quite leering,
This I knew, for long ago I planned to look this way postwar
There I stood, no, I was not jokin', but the stillness gave way to chokin'.
At once my heart gave a start, and through the gurgles, whispered, "Commodore?"
This I whispered, and back to me the sound waves came, "Commodore!"
Clearly this and not much roar.
Here I paused for a bit of discerning, in all my years and years of learning
I had not yet once found the significance of that resounding name: "Lenore."
But back to the story, the window that is, stated I, "He'd better watch out for gratis!
For to be out at this hour, I repeat, is a choice I would deem as poor -
For to wander and whisper at such an hour is a choice I deem as poor -
'Tis an admirer of my decor!"
Open here I flung the butter, when, with the hearty whack of a putter,
In there strutted the Duke A'Savin' of the saintly saints from before;
Not the slightest idea has me; not a guess of what obeisance might be;
But, to be in a poem as great as this, it must be somewhat hardcore -
The Duke A'Savin', himself, might be considered to be hardcore -
Parched, was he, and that he swore.
Then with such a leap as to loosen the tiling, he leaped upon my bust of what's his face above where I was filing,
"No!" I bellowed, while shaking my fist, "go and find some other place to explore!
Mine's not the driveway that needs some pavin'!" (And as I said this I started wavin'.)
"Tell me, please; you're not the one I hear tell of, the yellow beast from the days of yore,
I hope and hardly hope to know, for I fear you are the yellow beast from the days of yore!"
Quoth the Duke A'Savin', "Conquistador."
Much I was mortified at the way he tamely (this is the Duke I speak of, namely)
Answered question after question I shot at him - and what's more
The more I asked the more I was seeing that no time soon was he fleeing,
Yet I counted myself blessed for being, as he was the Duke from Baltimore,
I knew I was blessed, for the Duke A'Savin' made his home in Baltimore,
With much the same as "San Salvador."
But the Duke just sat there only, on the bust of what's his face, trying to postpone me,
But I would not let him; thought I, "If I can't go out, I'll simply practice my swing in here, FORE!"
But barely had I begun to swing when the man above sputtered, "Really, I don't need my bread buttered."
At this I stopped and slowly muttered, "I expect him to say, 'No, honest I need only one smore!'
Ha! I can see it now; he'll soon be mumbling something about truthfully needing only one smore!"
Then the Duke said, "I implore."
Suddenly he was really smokin', I wondered if my fire alarm was broken,
"Doubtless," said I, "I do have here, a friend willing to help with the chore
As long as he doesn't pull down the plaster, it will, with two, go much faster,
Turn it right and turn it tight till the beeping and the blinking you cannot ignore -
Please get it in and make it work for the alarm is not what I want to ignore -
Gracious Edgar Allan - Encore!!"
But the Duke was hard to read, so to the filing desk I pulled a chair, scratching the tiling,
There I sat below him, questioning him, this question, that question, first one or two but then some more,
I watched his face, he was besieged, blinking it was, or I thought that at first, perhaps it was winking,
I tried to put the pieces together, linking, but I could not join him with those gone before,
As much as I pondered and placed things together I could not join him with those gone before,
Nor what the meaning was of "Conquistador."
Sitting there without a clue was depressing, so to cheer me up I had a salad with dressing.
Dubiously I watched the Duke, he was a man of quick wit fun, and that I'll underscore;
I thought up a plan, and what it was, I'm defining as a slick as slop trip for me to the velvet lining,
But the more I considered, the more I was refining, for my fail-not plan I began to abhor
For I 'membered, the more I was thinking, the fail-not plan was something I began to abhor -
She lived there, yes, in Ecuador.
Then, methought, as my way became tenser, I knew why he was here, how could I have been denser??
It alighted on me all at once, and as the thought grew, my hatred grew with it, all the more.
"Wretch," I cried, "you're messin' with me mentally! And you're not doin' it gently,
You've come here to remind me of my unbegotten knowledge of that girl from before,
Yes you're here to rehash all the past ungained and needless knowledge of that girl from before!"
Quoth the Duke A'Savin' "Want some more??"
"Professor!" said, I, "thing of evil! - professor still, if duke or devil! -
Whether doctorate sent, or whether ill fates or Bill Gates sent thee here to my door,
Please forgive me," I panted, "if not long from now, you find my fist on your face, implanted -
But I can't figure it out; I just cannot make it out, what is so important about the name Lenore?
I'm sorry, but I look high and low and yet I cannot reason what is so important about the name of Lenore!"
Quoth the Duke A'Savin', "Guess some more."
"Professor!" said I, "thing of evil! - professor still, if duke or devil! -
Though I know not, I wish I knew now, I wish I knew what washed you ashore,
I wish I knew where you were made in, what you were laid in -
But more importantly than what you were paid in, I wish you would walk out my door!
I have no place for dukes and fake professors, I plead with you, walk out my door!"
Quoth the Duke A'Savin', "Conquistador."
"Be that word our sign for farting, duke or fiend!" I shrieked, eyes darting -
"Get thee back into thy history so that I again might snore!
Leave no dukish things, and I'm not jokin', but take not for granted, your nose unbroken,
Leave my fixed alarm unsmokin' - quit the bust of what's his face, whom I adore!
Take thy girth from out my house, and take thy form from off those whom I adore!"
Quoth the Duke A'Savin', "Conquistador."
And the Duke A'Savin', never quitting, still is knitting, still is knitting
On the pallid bust of what's his face whom I adore;
And his yees and face are always beaming, even if, at him, I'm screaming,
And at all time I cannot ignore the fact that he's from Baltimore -
For more and more it's quite impossible to forget the fact that he's from Baltimore -
Shall I reread it?? - "Nevermore!"
Let me know what you think of it!! out. ---Lense |
