I don't understand how some people can manage their time really well.  It seems that in life when everything is going well there has to be something that bring it down...no one is truely ever happy, there is always a negative.  The problem then lies in the fact that the negatvie seem to jump out all at once, like a bombardment that there is no defense or remedy. Where it starts is the inner self...the lack there of: motivation and desire, what brings upon this are many negatives.

school being impossible, studying something that you do not love, wondering what if you just said fuck it and took off, trying to live your dream.

funding or the lack there of, putting a burden on your mental self, thinking how is it that some are so wealthy financially, and then remembering that you, yourself are so rich compared to so many others.

Fraternity, a funny words that if there is a definition for, i would be the one to know, since my experiences can surface a book right about now. 

drama, not even my own but that of others always come in groups, drama between nate and kelly, thus resulting in kelly and the girls, jake and sarah=the never ending relationship. i see all and hear all, bc it seems that with drama everyone shares their details with me bc i am the neutral party. what people don't know is that i hate drama, i have no drama, or at least i would like to think that i have no drama, i don't really even understand drama to tell you the truth, but some seem to think that i have the solution or at least a lending ear that will absorb all of the problems.

and as i sit, i wonder of how all of this will resolve itself and how all things will pass with time, but when you are caught up in it, it seems like you will never escape.  and i can't help but think, i still try to get it out of my head, but still everyday it's still in my head, some days better than others. but why do i still think, it's an endless cycle, there's no point in thinking, i know what's going to happen, i hope for a different future, but i know the future. that's the scary part, that there is nothing i can do to stop, nothing that i can do to break away, i almost wish that there was that machine in eternal sunshine, bc i can't stop it, but perhaps you can.  i think that i am going insane.

I've started to beging to write a short story, or perhaps in the future to be a novel.  Some of it is fiction and others are real events.  I just got started and i've got 2 pages, i've been busy so it's be a tough going but i think making the start is good, since i was going to start it last year, but now is really a great time to launch it.  Since the last week, events, and emotions have really fueled the fire so hopefully by this time next year i'll have it done.  The title is still not decided, i think if i get this done i'll sell off the title on ebay.  one idea i had was naming it the day before tomorrow. so without further adoo here it is.

Jake said that he was a hopeless romantic. Others said that he was a fool. In truth, he was both, a sucker for heartbreak. He grew up in the largest of cities, until the age of seven when for reasons that are still unknown to him, his family moved to a medium sized city in the suburbs of Maxtor county. Sure he had lived in other places up to the final move that will bring him the most human emotions can bear, but those pasts were just a stepping stone for his future. His life didn’t really begin at birth, but what gave him life was the site of another. As a kid transferring schools was tough, even as an adult moving drains on the energy level of every human being. But in seventh grade, after his final relocation of schools, he was born in band class. When he first walked in, he saw what the true definition of beauty is, no it wasn’t a shiny trumpet, but a girl, whom in time will grow into the woman of his dreams. He didn’t believe in love at first site, but as time passed, he began to fall for her, falling harder and harder, day by day. It could have been puppy love, yet barley a teenager he knew that she was going to be the one that gave him a reason to get out of bed everyday and live his life.

He was a shy boy, making friends came easy when the friends were boys, girls were a totally different story. It was hard for him to talk to girls, or even approach them, but as the year passed he got more and more comfortable and they started talking. The conversations started slow, first it was,

"it’s such a nice day out" then it led to more complicated discussions like

"can you believe that they ran out of chocolate milk at lunch today?"

"No way! Shut up. That sucks."

It was a funny thing, in class they were both always towards the end in seating chairs, see the better you were at the clarinet the lower the chair. Some could have called it fate that they sat next to each other for the next two years but I’d like to call it, mutual lack of compassion for the instrument. They were at that time friends, but only on a school level. He thought of her often but he had to focus on the harshness of middle school. Making friends were important, perhaps more important at that time, then a girlfriend. So he found a group of guys that he still hangs out with till this day, it seems that brotherhood is a bond that nothing can break, except for women. He would later learn that a female can divide friendships that have lasted many years in just a few moments, but this detail is left for a later time.

The winter ensemble concert at the local church was one of many performances that the students in Mr. Davis’s class took part in. He seems to remember this concert more than any of the others. He walked into the preparation room where all the students gathered to practice a bit before the show was about to start. He knew that the clarinet was not his passion, he would only hope to fake play and for the audience not to find out. Of course the audience full of parents would never know that he pretended to play, but he was still nervous. What if Mr. Davis found out he thought, but then everything in his mind left, and all the focus was to the girl, the girl of his dreams. She came into the practice room wearing a light green dress that went to her knees. Her stockings looking more seductive than Mrs. Robinson’s. Her hair curly as usually looked exceptionally brilliant that night, maybe it was because it was the first time he saw her all made up like the princess of some European country. He could only focus on her infectious smile and her gorgeous eyes, they shot at him like a bullet, striking him in the center of his heart, rendering him speechless.

Currently Listening Parachutes By Coldplay see related

hey i stole this from someone, fill this bitch out please,lol.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:

» I died tonight:

» I said I was hurt:

» I was in trouble:

» I lived next door to you:

» I started smoking:

» I stole something:

» I was hospitalized:

» I ran away from home:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:

» Personality:

» Eyes:

» Smile:

» Hair:

» Style: 

WOULD YOU:

» Kiss Me?:

» Care about me?:

» Love me?:

HAVE YOU EVER:

» Lied to me?:

» Wanted to bitch me out?:

» Wanted to kill me?:

» Kept something important from me?:

» Thought I was hella annoying?:

» Wanted to tell me something, but you couldn't?:

:And More:

1. Who are you?

2. Would you consider us friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. how old are you?

5. how old am i?

6. Describe me in one word