"Hey Kevin, I have the car tonight. I'll go get and date and you get one and we'll double date."
10th grade. The age of innocence. And amazingly enough we both ended up asking a girl named Lauren out. Fortunately enough, it wasn't the same one. And my friend and I to this day fondly recall that night as "The Night of Lauren." Actually we just call it Lauren. Actually anytime we even hear that name, we have to give a small nostalgic laugh. This is how the Night of Lauren unfolded.
One by one my friend picked all of us up. His Lauren, then me, then my Lauren. The food was good, but inconsequential. The movie was good, but that too was totally inconsequential. What made this day memorable was the end of the date.
My friend dropped off my Lauren first. I said my goodbyes, it was just a friendly date so no kiss. However after my Lauren was dropped off, the mood in the car changed. I mean how could it not? I was only really friends with my Lauren, but my friend and his Lauren have been heavily flirting the whole night. The situation was ripe for a kiss and both parties knew it…
Upon arrival of her house she said, "This is my house."
This was a total waste of words when you think of it. He knows it is her house. He picked her up from there for gosh sakes! I used to sit next to her in Chemistry class. I saw the grades she got back, I knew she was dumb, but not THAT dumb. Although one time we had a multiple choice test and she studied so hard for that test. She was confident to ace it. There were 5 possible choices in the multiple choice test. A random selection of multiple choice answers would have given you a 20%. She got a 26%. 6% above having a random box of skittles as her brain. And that was after 8 hours of studying. What a genius. Well regardless, I’m pretty her comment wasn’t just a mindless dumb comment. This was her method of stalling.
It is a complicated situation. See in this ever raging society of the augmented female role, you never know what is the male role and which role is the female role. Kissing unfortunately is still the man's job. And initiating the first kiss is probably the hardest. So until that changes, A girl's job is to allow a situation to arise in which a man can kiss the girl. And at the end of a date is one of those key moments where a kiss is very probable. And assuming the girl is a rational girl, she knows this. Thus it is safe to say that she is very careful of the signs she is giving. If she didn’t want a kiss she wouldn’t ever allow an open path from her lips to his. However on the contrary, even a slight hesitation or prolonged stares or even an increase is physical touching or contact is a sign to go for it.
Looking back at this 10th grade experience, her first sign was the stall. And my friend's response was perfect. He responded half a second past a comfortable pause and said very slowly, "I know."
At fist I thought this was a very dumb move, but now I think it was brilliant. I was expecting a Shakespearian Sonnet to woo her, but women aren't really impulse creatures, unless it deals with shopping. If my friend wanted to kiss her, he had the whole date to create the ambiance for a kiss. No magical word he says in the last few minutes of a date will redeem a date if it went badly. He can only ruin it with saying something stupid. That is why girls hate pick up lines. They want to be massaged into a feeling, not explicitly directed. So at the end of a date, the less a guy says the better. He has nothing to gain, but everything to loose.
That silence of awkwardness was even painful for me to watch, but come to think of it the extra amount of time (if done confidently) is supposed to add that extra sense of awkwardness. Because the girl knows she can't make the first move, it is still the guy's job. So why not take your time? It kind of reinforces the fact that it isn't her move to make. And when a girl knows she can't do something, it just enhances the wanting and need for it. It is slight reminder of the gender limitations that still prevail in the ettiquette of our society. These limitations drive girls crazy... This is the good kind of crazy though. Not the kind of crazy I saw in my Political Theory of Feminism Class. That was definitely bad crazy.
"I had a great time," she says as her eyes linger on his as she fumbles with her other hand toward the door handle.
Prolonged stares and even more lingering and more senseless chit chat. Girls seem to like that senseless chit chat thing. But in this instance it was good. It meant she really wants it. And he knew it too. He was such a genius. I had so much to learn from this guy.
And this is when he made his move. He put is arm around her, winked at her, and just puckered his lips without moving toward her.
She had waited and wanted it long enough that this was all she needed to kiss him. I was so proud of my friend! Great job! Sly devil you!
Unfortunately, during my quiet observation and with their preoccupation with reading each other's signs, they forget I was in the back seat. And one kiss turned into a very graphic make out session.
I still remember the song that played in the car while this event unfolded. It was the New Radicals only hit song. "You Only Get What You Give." It is quiet a long song for the radio, but when it ended they were still going at it.
And I started to sense that they might want to get more physical and I was worried that they might try and move to the back seat for some more room. This is when I gave a pre-emptive slight cough.
With that the girl turned red, jumped up, hit her head on the car ceiling, and bolted out the car door. My friend just sat there dazed and confused… and slightly shocked that I was still there. I told him it was ok and to go after the girl. He caught up to her and walked her to her door. Kissed her again and walked back totally embarrassed.
He got back to the car and we kind of sat there in silence.
He broke the silence with, "Do you want to sit up front?"
To that I replied, "no thanks. I'll stay back here… I know what happens to people that sit up front.” | 
