zimcowgirl's Xanga

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 19:56:55 GMT

Mmmm, definitely time for a xanga site revamp. It's been a long time but I'm REALLY tired of the Truth and Certainty argument being fought out on the rock. In case you haven't noticed, it's a one sided argument seemingly done by angry people who have no idea how to appropriately sort out their anger. I loooove how so 'uncontradictory' it is to say "peace if possible, truth at all cost." Um, if YOU were so focused on thr truth you're trying to point others too I think you'd have argument. If you REALLY wanted truth, not a self-righteous argument mayeb you'd have actually sought out those you had a problem with (pretty sure that's biblical) and tried to understand them (liek the bible says we should) and regardless, loved them (pretty sure God commands that one!). Why on earth do we expect the world to respect the fact that our God is life changing when we cling so closely to our own pride!?!? I don't think the argument is about changing faulty views, I thin it's about winning and that makes me sad because God never intended us to have so many fighting factions! By our love people will know that we belong to Him!!! If you have doubts about where people stand, seek them out. I've spoken to those in question and from what I know, it was all a silly misunderstanding. Reagardless, peace goes hand in hand with this kind of truth. Peace in the Body should come as a natural result of us choosing God's truth over our own emotions. It doesn't mean we always like or agree with each other, but it also doesn't mean we hold our grounds like three year olds fighting for space a couch they're BOTH sitting on!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 05:00:45 GMT

hard as it may be, I'm gonna love you

knowing that you love me

and I'm gonna teach myself to trust

'cause you've never let me down

and I know that you don't fail,

and I know you know what's best

so I'm gonna learn as best I can

and leave you with the rest

Lord, when my affections wane

when they turn to someone else

bring me back, call my name

draw me near to you

I need thee, oh I need thee

ev'ry hour I need thee

oh bless me now my Saviour

I come to thee!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 05:00:10 GMT

I love this boy, and he holds a lot more of my heart than I gave him... somehow I just kidna looked up and there was a whole heap of it, in his hands. But ya know, I'm okay with that. Even though we're looking from two very different perspectives, we're still focused on the the same One.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:06:12 GMT

shout out to the guys who fight for purity!!!

(i know my entries have seemed a little bleak towards the male gender but i know there are those of you out there fighting against all sorts of odds so tha you can honor God and you have NO IDEA how encouraging that is to us girls... we really want to know we're worth waiting for)

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:03:58 GMT

so apparently everyone has an opinion on my last post but noone wants to actually POST their opinion. Peeps, you don't have to agree with me, I honestly don't care and if you're glad I finally posted what a lot of us are feeling, you don't have to care either... keep in mind this is my xanga... therefore, I write what I FEEL like writing (highly different fromt he way I would present a public address) and these books are really getting under my skin so I'm writing about them. I'm also not exactly one to shy away from talking about 'taboo' subjects and to be honest, I don't exactly understand why sexuality is such a taboo subject in our culture anyways.

I believe there are sexual taboos sure, but GOD was the one who made sex and if He didn't want us to enjoy it then He wouldn't have made it so enjoyable (or so I'm told... ). There is NOTHING wrong with sex in the RIGHT BOUNDARIES, the problem came when we began to pervert and distort sex and sin began to permeate it, even within the right confines we still battle with all sorts of problems. You know the saying "anger is what gets us into trouble, pride is what keeps us there"? It's kinda like that saying.... sin is what's got us where we are, broken and far from complete but silence is what's keepign us there. Did you know 78% of men say that their sex education from parents, guardians etc was insufficient, that it didn't teach them what they needed to know! The entire book I'm reading is based on studies of "good, religious and moral" men.

Many of these men came from godly homes with parents who loved them.... my guess is that not talking to their sons about sex was an attempt to love and protect them. Many men raised in religious homes feel an incredible amount of guilt for struggling with all kinds of very NORMAL issues. A 25 year, in depth study of thousands of men showed that almost all men studied thought they were the only ones struggling to deal with certain issues. Turns out that all those men, during all that time, struggled with pretty much the same 3 questions. I think parents are tyring to raise their sons right by raising them how they were raised. It seems parents think that the instruction was right but somehow it's their fault that they're different and unable to 'cope' when in reality they're perfectly normal but the instruction they were given, and are now passing on to their sons, is far from adequate. I think it's a cycle that's eating us up.

Anyways, that was confusing... too many of the same words clumped too closely. To make my point, I think there's a serious problem with sexual sin in our generation and the one before us because of inadequate teaching . Many people our age have NO IDEA what is really going on in them and how to handle it and because no one's talking about it, it's gonna bite us in the butt 20 years from now when we finally start getting the truth.... after we're all tangled in all kinda of problems. The only way to solve our problems and to avoid more is to find out the truth and start speaking out about it. Reading these books makes me all the more thankful for the mother I have who forced me to start finding truth out early, while she could teach me how it all fit into God's design for us.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 20:15:15 GMT

So I'm reading a few books on sexuality for class and it's breaking my heart. I'm really struggling to have the right perspective on things right now because I'm on the section about male sexauality and it seems as if God has allowed men to struggle with something physical, while women struggle with something emotional, which, from what most authors have presented so far, is easier to control. I know my perspective is off right now and I'm highly defensive and I'm not proud of it. But I feel like my whole life I've been taught to fight for sexual purity with zeal, saving every ounce of my sexuality for my husband alone, yet the very thing I have saved so carefully, was lost to them long ago.

Did you know 13% of 13-15 year old girls have been exposed to pornographic images, compare that to the 96% of guys that age. I don't knwo how to not be overwhelmed byt hose stats! I feel like my mystery, my value as a woman, everything God gave me to one day please my husband, everything I guarded so carefully was sold on a shelf for $19.99 before my body even developed. And it's not just some desperate truck driver, it's the guy I sat next to in Chapel last week, it's my friend's father, it's my professor, it's my friends who pray for me... it's men of God and that breaks my heart. Everything in me wants to scream "HOW DARE YOU!" but I know I haven no place to stand. I know I am full of sin and God has no levels or degrees of 'grading' ... I just need to get to the part about female sexuality... don't worry I know it'll even out then.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 12:24:51 GMT

Nearly half of pregnancies among American women are unintended, and four in 10 of these are terminated by abortion.[1] Twenty-four percent of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion.[2]

In 2002, 1.29 million abortions took place, down from 1.36 million in 1996. From 1973 through 2002, more than 42 million legal abortions occurred.[3]

Each year, two out of every 100 women aged 15–44 have an abortion; 48% of them have had at least one previous abortion.[4]

wow
50 million people
sad huh
and America casts stones at human rights abuses in China
and here we are moaning because in Iraq, during an outright WAR we've lost a few thousand of our children.... how unfair that they die in war... we didn't okay the fact that they were an inconvenience to us, we didn't say they should die so let's get mad

Think about it a little more...

Friday, June 23, 2006

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 04:25:36 GMT

tired

tired of trying,
tired of fighting
tired of being someone i'm not
tired of pushing
tired of squishing
tired of all these feelings i hide
tired of flying
tired of falling
tired of seeing the stars disappear
tired of failure
i'm in need of a savior
only to find i'm reaching for lies
tired of their questions
tired of their anger
tired of all the fault they find in my life
Lord help me today, to find rest in your word.
help me lean on you
when all else seems to be falling apart
help me remember your truth.

so i stole this from amy but it quite acurately describes life right now. ever just feel like everything you touh, do or love just falls apart?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 01:18:02 GMT

You know the drill..../ means new line 'cause xanga won't do new lines single space. Placing your heart online isn't comfortable and I know some people will probably take this the wrong way so just a quick exptn.... I wrote this around Christmas as I was forced to see myself for who I really am. I can't stand fakeness... noone likes it!... But I was put in a situation with someone I love so much and I just couldn't seem to love them in a way they could see it and still deal with my personal emotions with what was going on. When it came down to it, I found that I was being the fake that I hate, the fake that comes from being too scared and not sure how well you can handle all you're feeling. I was trading my feelings in for a sad attempt to let my friend feel like I cared enough to not address the really tough stuff. And I hated myself for it, knowing that that's not true love and that's not me. One night when I was overwhelmed I picked up my journal as I tend to do when I've got a lot to process and I know this has rough edges all over so love it or criticize it. Just understand this is not about how much I hate other people's struggles... it's about despising that part of me that grapples when things are out of my control, the part of me that turns fake no matter how much I fight it.

Little girl hiding in a room/ where noone can see./ Precious body bent over/ as it shakes/ while she rids herself of food./ What went wrong?/ What has happened to the darling girl/ I used to know? Little girl smiling oh so broadly/ laughs a little too loud/ to be truly happy./ Demons chase where you drag your shame/ refusing to let go.

Take me away from here/ away from this place/ I'd rather pretend that you're fine./ I fought too hard/ and cried too long/ tears of hurt that won't change a thing./So I'd rather ignore you/ and smile real wide/ and laugh real loud/ And pretend I'm okay/ 'Cause I don't know how to deal with "fake"/ ... So I'll watch and just pretend.

Pretend I can cope/ Pretend I'm okay./ Pretend that I'm wise./ Pretend life is good./ I'll convince myself/ that normal is fine,/ that broken is what we're meant to be./ I'll repeat over and over 'til I truly believe/ that loving you means/ leaving you/ destroying your own soul.

I'm smiling, I'm laughing, I'm a good friend.

I love you- I despise it all.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 18:14:29 GMT

As always,it's been a long time since I last wrote in here. Thankfully, I can say I've learned a lot since then. God has been working on my heart, teaching and encouraging me left right and center.

I went on tour with Jubilate for the first half of Spring Break. We did 10 concerts, in 3 states in 4 days. Shoot, we were soooo tired but it was fun anyways. Ashely Hunter has got to be the funniest person to walk through a mall with... love the running commentary. We got back from tour Monday night and Tuesday I headed to sunny South Carolina wiht Brian and Nicky where I spent the rest of my SB in .... a dorm room!!!! Ahhhhh!

It was fine though 'cause I got to see Amz and her school and met her roomie, Catie and a few other people. We had some pretty interesting moments...like when we tried to dye our hair (sounds like no big deal but we had to do quite a bit of damage control), or when Amz stole Catie's and my towels while we were showering then locked ALL THREE OF US out of their room.... did I mention this was like 10 min before open dorms? Yeah, we had to run her down to get the keys back...wearing shower curtains! Later that night I found myself wondering why I couldn't get to sleep before I realized that in the course of 3 hours I'd downed a double-shot espresso and 3 cappuccinos... LARGE ONES.

We had some good talk time... let me tell you, if you ever want ot opne up a 3 day long conversation, decide you want to cut a CD together.

This past week was rather traumatic/momentous/wonderful with a billion emotional bombs being dropped all over the place but needless to say everything is working out great. I was in a HORRIBLE mood yesterday 'cause I woke up REALLY early and lost several hours of sleep for a pretty stupid reason but the day ended on a much better note wiht a hug from Joel after we'd FINALLY managed to see each other for more than just a lunch break!

So much on my mind but I need to go... The day is just starting and I have a ton to do. Smile!