| | So, do you ever get those nights when you are trying so hard to sleep knowing its late and you have to be up for work....but for some odd reason everything floods your mind and keeps you up? Last night was like that. I had so much running through my head I could not sleep a wink. But, it was good stuff, me thinking I need to change the way I act and treat myself, and then me thinking of how sweet it would be to send off a casting tape for Real World 19. But I missed it by a week. So unless the company reads my e-mail and gives me shot then that idea was for nothing. All I could think of was different things to say on camera and ways to make myself sound different and cool enough for them, and I had the perfect setup for it too. But so goes life. That kept me up about an hour because I just had to get back on my computer and check to see when deadline was and then proceeded to e-mail and be like give me a shot to send in a tape by monday...I am still awaiting their reply, I most likely wont get one. Which would be great or at least my mom thinks so, she like hates the idea of me going on T.V. and she thinks since I am overweight that it will be case to be picked on. She was kinda mean about it, I said mom its a great oppurtunity for me, and the chances of me getting accepted is very slim to none.
So, then I kept thinking about second jobs and what would I do if I couldnt make my payments or I couldn't find any classes to take so then I would have loan payments. So, I am kinda stressed about that now, but so goes life huh? I also thought about Hays a lot and how I want to be up there so bad and to start over and do well. But I am thinking now and really the only reason that takes me back to Hays is my friends, and how much I miss not seeing them everyday and truely getting to hang out. And even if I was up there, I would have to work and so do all of my friends so seeing them everyday is a huge fairytale I have in my head. So I pass that option by. But now I think more of Massage Therapy school and how I want to do that so badly and start doing that as a living, and I also want to get a degree in Photography and do that as a living. So many choices or dreams an aspirations and not enough money to do em' all. So, I shall work work work till I get all my credit card debt paid off completely which will be by next year or a bit longer now that I have the car to worry about. But I see an end near I think/hope. So, once that is done I am so out of Great Bend and this place called Kansas. It litteraly makes me sick, so I need to get out. And as soon as possible because that would mean no more allergy pills or asthma stuff, because I would stop havin the reactions to where I lived. Being in Alabama made me realize how much I am allergic to where I am living and how much it sucks to depend on allergy pills to work day in and day out for the rest of my life if I dont move. So I shall move sooner or later and hopefully more sooner then later.
So, if you have read this far kodos to you. I shall go to bed since work calls my name at 6 am tomorrow instead of the 8. So, Good night and thanks for reading this far if you did. See you all sometime later when I journey outside of GB in my new hott car!
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| | Posted 7/6/2006 10:47 PM - 6 views - 1 comments
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