zjhren's Xanga

在香港

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:05:19 GMT

又在香港，终于在香港，终于可以没有任何阻碍地上xanga上google blog。每天听着鸟语一样但比北京话更讲韵律、更讲语调、更被异化的语言，竟然听力也有了大幅度的长进。每天活在日文、英文、广东话的世界，说北京话成了奢望。

来前丁先生问我为何想来。我粗粗算了一下，香港竟然成了我唯一已经去了两次以上的城市之一。（太原和北京不应该被算进来的）。一次是观光，虽然没什么光可以观。两次是为了考试，想一想如果当时有任何一点小的变化的话自己应该现在不会在香港也不会留在北大吧。一个人背着背包暴走在大街上，我想，我来是为了疗伤。疗自己一年多间，在北大给自己刻下的心理的伤。希望给自己找一个答案，真正想做什么，到底要去做什么，现在能做什么。

见了小朋友，出生在一天的人也没想象中那么像。见了陈叔叔，很是喜欢和他聊天，尽管那个谈话异常地短，主题也是在跑来跑去。见到张姐姐，聊天很舒服。见到了一位学姐，另一位是rcef alum，金融界人士，待在一起一个小时竟没有真正说道几句话，想来还是约错了人。又见友人，去年，还是在二月中，只是地点从香港公园跑到了迪士尼。她应该去更好学校的。见了朱博士，他应该去做学术的，坐在中环的办公室里他大概不会快乐。

又去太古住了一晚，去年的2月也是在同样的地方。又跑到causeway bay迷路，不过不用像去年一样为了找考场异常悲惨地晃荡两个小时发现自己走到了Wan Chai，又坐上了城铁，只是发现名字改成了East Railway而不是原来的KCR，又跑到艺术馆，发现制造香港和798的众多展览厅风格一样，发现二层的几件展品在北大图书馆里见到过。跑到Disney，发现自己老了，当别人认为刺激和富有吸引力的东西对我来说变得无所谓的时候，不知是喜还是悲。跑到尖沙咀，想起了去年和Ian匆匆走过。

三联的书比不上北京美术馆的三联韬奋，更不用提博雅唐和风入松（不排除我走错店的可能）。以及其便宜的价格淘到林文月的作品倒让我很是欣喜，还有她翻译的《枕草子》。史景迁的书在大陆被禁的在这里买到了，又见《见树又见林》，在一家没什么人的台版书店里，忽然想起了彭师爷和师妈妈。看着破烂三联里边涌动的人和地铁里各种各样的游戏机和插本书，笑笑，这里，或许真得是文化沙漠。尽管真得有好书，尽管硬件真得很棒。周五在一家书店里找到了元想要的摩西五经和索多玛128天。还有自己一直想看的赵紫阳软禁谈话。看到了李先生推荐的毛泽东传，可惜，已经没钱了…总共算一下，买书花800多港币。是所有花费中的绝对多数。

再观大学

关于内地大学和香港大学的争论，google一下到处都是。究竟是香港大学质量高还是国内一流学校（北大和北大的对门，其他学校或多或少差一些）质量高，表面看是看不出结果的。一周时间，我匆匆走过，也没有权利去发言关于香港的本科教育与大陆的本科教育孰优孰劣。

缺陷
有“文化”
艳羡
观吾友
失落

##
鉴于Xanga在大陆被block，所有东西转至libjing.blogspot.com。此文继续。

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 15:06:46 GMT

世界上傻子很多，但聪明人同样多。
要努力变得聪明，而不是相反。
事实上在向相反方向行进。
怎么办，怎么办。

reflection

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 19:23:31 GMT

I
I was talking with Ceci today on MSN about how difficult it is to find a job nowadays in mainland China, given that students could hardly find jobs as the market is almost full and the college graduates are rushing into the market. Suddenly I told her I feel anxious about this too. She said, how come, you are studying in BD. I told her even so, I am still not top of the school. I am just an average Beida-er, though trying hard, but still fail to get to the top.

She said "how come? I thought you are still the top at school".

Well, surely I disappoint her. Not only her, but a lot more people, including myself. I have been feeling down ever since entering Beida. The school is charming, indeed, with elite students, profs, frontline scholars, and various opportunities which other students in an average university could never get. However, the price of this is you have a lot more stronger competitors competing with you all the time. And for people not strong enough, nor smart enough like me, are the losers.

There were a lot of "I don't believe" before I came to Beida but now I believe in all of them. There are people who seldom learns but always get decent marks in exams, and there are girls who watch TV episodes every day for at least three hours however still perform dedicately in Japanese listening, should I expected this earlier, at least I would feel more comfortable now. Though they are small potatoes when talking artistic or humanity or social science with me, however it is school, I could never beat them in front of tests, though I really really tried. And different from high school, I am much more engaged in learning, almost giving up all my extracurricular interests, but soly concentrated in Japanese, and various readings in sociology, I could still hardly get satisfying grades in Japanese courses.

I had talked with mom and dad that I am hardly as good as before in university, their answers are "as long as you've tried". I know there maybe access to better GPAs had I took easier courses, went for less lectures, and gave up my NGO works but go for easier circles in uni. However I don't want to miss them all and has been considering they should be part of my memory. Among the took challenging courses- Yale course last semester and Social Psychology this semester are good examples, the former leads me experience what research looks like and experienced seminar and long readings for a whole semester; the latter makes me a good writer for reading reports, and made me good friends.

II
Looking back, the three semesters I have been in Beida, the most valuable things I have learnt is the ability to think and analyse independently, and never be a simple minded follower of others simply because he/she is more prestigious/higher GPA. They can be stupid people, knowing how to get good marks but can be life-followers, following the wave blindly.

I am fortunate, that the various circles I have been in, all enable me growth in some extent. Pro-application era can be my "renaissance", making me knowing how large the world is, how tiny I am, and how much I do not yet know. Later NGO era should be my "enlightenment", providing me a different perspective of defining "success" and the meaning of life and living. Different from the former application circle friends, they tend to be more materialistic, and actually, slave of life. They go for iBank, consulting, those money-amass business, rather than getting down and thinking what they should do, though they say it clear in their applications they will contribute to China's development someday. However the NGO friends showed me the ideal perspective of life, and how one could
go without the penacles from society, and live in a way they wish to be.

I definitely look down upon the materialistic type person, and lean to the second type, though it's not likely for me to be a professional social worker someday, however recently I found within myself various hints of being materialistic. I read out of purpose, I evaluate everything taking effect as its indicator (though there might be no others beside this one). YT is right. I have the rush to do things all the time, and could hardly get down and think what is inside. Most of the time, I concentrate much on the appearence, then neglect what is inner. This is tragic, compared to who I was three years ago, back in high school, when I seek happiness in reading but not for obvious purpose of knowing some fancy knowledge and write it in proposals or applications or talk with others to show off.

First winter

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 18:36:18 GMT

Thanks to Steve and ZQ mentioning about Tor, finally, finally found out a stable way to get on Xanga.

Winter vacation finally started, and I surprisingly (and sadly) found this is actually, the first vacation for me. True.

Last year at this time I was in Shenzhen, preparing for ACT, and stuggling with various funs outside...And in the summer, RCEF VP engaged most of the time, leaving my summer with one week free time, to hang out with RCEF friends, and rested a little bit, then back to school for the disgusting JunXun thing.

I am living in my auntie's apartment, in Southern Beijing, reading, surfing the net, writing, and chatting with my cousin.

Probably this will be how my whole winter vacation goes. I am trying to make a personal site and writing all my past year experience (ever since entering college) and reflecting myself and getting restarted though.

More articles coming soon. With the SUPERB TOR!

weblog changed

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 01:58:23 GMT

Finally get on xanga. Dunno what is the exact time it got blocked, but ever since July, when the VP started, and I was trying to write something on Xanga. I was astonished to find that Xanga is totally blocked!
I now almost wrote journals everyday, not necessarily on computer though. Some are posted at
http://jing08.blogspot.com
and the readings are posted at http://libjing.blogspot.com

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 04:47:27 GMT

越來越喜歡玩火，這學期開始一口氣選了25分的課，其結果是周二、四淪陷。要麽是連上10節，要麽是要爲了後邊的課餓肚子。終于，上周末出現症狀，之後按照感冒咳嗽三部曲順利進行。終于，早上喉嚨疼得講不出話來，實習的小老師們也病了一群，還以爲是他們傳染我患感冒，一直和我說ごめん。

選上了希臘語，也選上了Yale-PKU項目的課。It's Greek to me的話果真沒錯，難的不是字母本身抑或是拼讀，但是一堆字母放在一起讀就比較有難度了。不能不感慨歐洲人民舌頭之發達，非東亞人民所能及，尤爲是日本，那音真是不能再原始了。Yale的課比較有意思。是典型的seminar，6位Yalie，12位PKUer，Yalies們很是可愛。課上讀的東西不少，老師總會讓學生們form groups and discuss。

i will miss it

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 08:57:23 GMT

Hong Kong, Feb. 9th-11th,2007, my third visit to HK.

以前都是匆匆走过，这次的速度依旧，只是多了回忆。

第三次了，每次回来都会有好几天的不适应，这次更是明显。周一飞回太原，旁边位子的老大爷应该是第一次坐飞机，很夸张地给里边的乘客递东西。满飞机都飘着浓浓的太原口音，一种熟悉又陌生的话。太原的天空依旧是灰蒙蒙的，天气冷冷的，与H城的晴天阳光普照下的温暖有着千差万别。

不知下次是什么时候。也许这真的是最后一次了。

只是心里不舍。

做人要诚实

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 15:36:34 GMT

从11处听到一件比较恶心的事情。有位做申请的小孩子把很多没有的经历写到了简历里边。其中竟然还有RCEF的两次支教...后来去找马大掌柜查询，果真无此人。此人年龄偏小，不符合RCEF项目申请中的数条，竟然堂而皇之地参加过两次RCEF项目。真是绝妙啊。

撒谎要不得。

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 02:05:31 GMT

WWF新推出的项目，支持

大家都来做environmentalist

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 16:51:05 GMT

感谢伊诺昨天陪我玩，对于这里的印象开始转好。不过，只是partially。书城的书不少，不过局限于外语类和财经类，社科书还没有北大物美旁的博雅堂多，价钱也没有北京好。即使有了会员卡打折也只能打一点，98折，与无折扣近乎无别。书的种类与第三级尚不能比，更不要提实力更强的西单，王府井，中关村等诸多图书大厦。路上，人们行色匆匆，忙着赶路。只有个别小混混徜徉在大街上。中关村附近已经是北京的繁忙地段了，而徜徉者尚不希罕。两者来看，北京是一个传统的胡同老头，习惯了悠闲，谈政治，泡在人文氛围里；而深圳或许算一个摩登女郎，时时都在追赶潮流，有点急功近利，有点小家子气。

一路上一直在和伊诺聊日语，才蓦地发现在北大的这半年我有着怎样的收获。回想过去的一年一直都是一场梦，从来没有想过自己会选择languagemajor，没有想过有朝一日与东瀛之国的语言扯上关系，也没有想到自己会住在燕园一栋可以用antequated来形容的楼里，只是，这些都成真了，而且是我过去4个月的生活。

到了深中，又看到了高三的孩子。开始想念自己的高中时光，高一的张狂、自以为是，高二开始重新认识整个环境，和没有开始就已结束的高三。想去年的现在，接到预录通知的欣喜，在msn上与一大队同路人神侃，彻夜不眠翻译Panda Passport里的学术单词。深中真得很好，深圳市为处不多可以感受得到些许人文气息的地方。与太外的官僚气不同，深中给我的第一印象是一种脚踏实地的感觉棗脚踏实地地为学生着想，脚踏实地地搞各种活动，脚踏实地地引进老师抓学术，脚踏实地地经营学校本身。这点或许应该是很多学校学习的，包括北大。也听了校长的传奇故事，又是一个为了教育理想奉献自己的idealist。

暂时写到这里。继续读书，做题，读日语，做MUN的作业。