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| circusmonkey.tk
check this out... a band picked me to make their site... i hope they're happy... 
they're awesome by the way... too bad i cant put download section yet
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| i know for sure im not as bright as everybody else. I flunked a few
subjects again... nuthin new. its actually devastating how my friends
are way past me. and how im wasting my family's money evry term. i dont
know how to deal with myself anymore. i cant talk to no one cause of
the shame im living with. while my sisters are going with their not so
perfect lives but ok... never gave my parents trouble, only wen my
sister doesnt want to wear dresses. I'm still here, not moving, not
getting close to my goal, in fact, getting farther. im weak, i have to
admit, many times ive though of suiciding, but who am i to kill, my
life is just borrowed, i have no right, so therefore, i have to keep
going with the suffering. i keep thinking, wat happned to me? why am i
suddenly falling apart so fast. is it coz i hav forgottn about Him? I
always ask Him for strength, courage and detrmination... but my life
seems to be going nowhere, maybe i need help, i maybe old, but i think
im still a kid who needs to learn more, who needs parents' guidance,
was living without parents at 13 a bad idea? i've never went into drugs
and yet, i feel like my life is more destroyed than those who take
drugs. i know only God can answer, but how do i hear Him, how do i call
Him? Is He mad at me for not talking to Him? is that why im so down and
desperate? who else can answer me? who else can help? who else can i
talk to? this house im in, there's only shadows, shadows that pass by
me, nevr talk, never listen. I love my family and i really never wanted
them to get hurt, i know i'll never make them proud of me, but atleast
not giving them trouble is all i wanna give.
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| I know i can't please evrybody, although im trying, no one seems to like me. I know how geeky i can get sometimes, i know im miles away from being cool, its just sad dat not 1 in this world appreciate d way i am. I dont know if im just paranoid, but i always think everybdy talks sh*t behind me. And ryt now, jst by writing this and letting evrybdy read dis, im making myself worst. gee, making a fool of myself sure is fun. I didnt read the manual of xanga, i have no clue wat to write in this thing. well, dats about it, after centuries of not writing. | | |
| After the no-sleep-weekend... i feel so weak and tired... my eyes are so red... if you can only see... scary...Other than that... we really had a blast... we went to a comic bar wid extras and we laughed and drank all night till 3 in the morning then wen i got home, i took a bath, packed my things and went to our meeting place... (take note: still feeling tipsy) while on the bus... some dude was walking around giving a shot of emperador...(cycle) i had two shots in the first cycle cuz my friend doesnt want to drink so i catched hers... geez... why was i getting drunk? at the resort... I've learned new songs and guitar chords... we played guitar, sang, ate, swam and ate more....on our way home, it rained... we were soaked... kewl... thats all i gotta say... this is the weekend news... Im ray john... out...
by the way, have you guys seen my profile pic? can you guess what it is??? | | |
| ...I'm joining this organization in school... honestly, im enjoyng it,
i get to see and meet alotta people, but its really hard for me to talk
them. As a requirement, we need 25 signatures each for applicants and
members, im having a hard time getting them... yeah... thats my
story... at home, its been so long since i last ate real food... my
sister cant cook, i can fry but too tired to. its so hard not having a
maid ...not like america or sumthing....geez my life can be a real
pain....
Wut keeps me alive:
-i got a new game for my PSP, nba street showdown...
-got new frends and we're goin out this friday...
-ee-ece-coe outing this saturday at dj paradise...
Why i'm trippin ryt now:
-just wen you thot a person is a real friend... she goes en mess evrything....
she shows her real side and realize wut a bitch she is... she
humiliated me, insulted me and made me look like crap! i hated her....
-im really hungry, i need fat... i so dont wanna be skinny....
-i miss my family...including(specially) my cousins subscribed to me...
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