My mum is my best friend. Some people don't think that's healthy, and maybe I should clarify.

She's like a best friend. Obviously there are things I don't discuss with her, that I will talk about with girlfriends.

But she is my biggest supporter, and as an adult child, I like to think I've become a big support to her too. Having said that, she and my father have been married over thirty years and are best friends.

Anyway, she is having a very hard time with the idea of us separating and divorcing. She's very worried for me, and obviously some of the reasons we're doing this can't be explained to a parent (all the stuff about intimacy, and his need for other people...)

It's breaking my heart. Of course, I know the rational thought is she's an adult, she can cope with her own emotions, I have enough on my plate, etc. But it's really, very difficult right now.

And because we're doing things so differently (i.e. living together until  next summer) it's making it harder. I think if Ryan was to just move out, we could get on with the process of me being single, us being divorced, etc.

However, we're doing this for a reason. There's no way we could afford two living arrangements right now. Ryan wants me to keep the house for the girls and I, but I don't graduate until April, and if I want to stay here I need his income for the interim.

God, this is so painful and difficult already. Why can't things be cut and dry? Two years ago when I kicked him out for being unfaithful, I felt so much more justified. He was cheating, he got kicked out. He lived with his parents for six months, and got an apartment.

I'm being rejected again, but this time it seems more subtle, know what I mean? He hasn't acted on it, so I don't feel as justified or self righteous.

So glad I'm going to therapy tomorrow, but I wish my mum would be okay too. This is so hard :(

Saw the paed today. Rue is now on prevacid and off the maxeran and zantac, and going to see the 'feeding team' at the children's treatment center. The kid has major texture issues, and is still 85% bottle fed. I realize that may be acceptable for a breastfed infant, but she's taking in so much formula it's making her sick. She's so sloshy. Hopefully they can help us overcome some of the barriers.

Her ECG is back but the tech couldn't find the results, so they'll call me in the morning. Typical.

(Wow, am I bitter today, lol)

Thank you so much for all the commiseration from my previous posts. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

Experiencing role strain here with being back at school. My mum was originally going to watch Rue five days a week, but we're finding that's too much for both families. So, I'm now looking for pt daycare for Tues, Wed, Thurs. Gah, I hate daycare for babies... Fork in my eye.

Anyway, we're looking at in home here in my little town. Keep your fingers crossed for me!