what is this so-called LOVE?
STERNBERG'S LOVE MODEL
1) passion: intiation of the relationship
2) intimacy: maintaining the relationship
3) commitment: surviving challenge and hardship
* intimacy, not passion is the best predictor of sexual frequency and overall marital satisfaction over the long term *
LOVE MAP
template of love- finding a mate who 'matches' our expectations of love
1) level of physical affection and comfort: cozy, cuddly vs. abusive, cruel
2) level of emotional affection: acceptance, celebration vs. criticism, condemnation
3) level of involvement: close, open vs. distant, closed
4) level of sharing and caring: mutual devotion vs. egocentric demanding
attachement theory- nature of bond with parents in childhood strongly influences our sexual, emotional attachment patterns in adulthood
1) 56% are secure lovers- capable of closeness and openness, while maintaining good emotional boundaries; affectionate and reasonably independent, emotionally secure, comfortable with intimacy. Marriage lasted 10 years.
2) 25% are avoidant lovers- difficulty with trusting, remain allof and closed; suspicious, overly cautious, constantly testing, easily dissuaded, pessimistic. Marriage lasted 6 years.
3) 19% are ambivalent lovers- over dependent, insecure, clining, terrified of abandonment, dmanding chronic reassurance; fall in love quickly, seek extreme levels of enmeshment, quickly rejecting. Marriage lasted 5 years.
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