holy fuckin shit. i was like 15 last time i updated, now im 17. lol. myspace changed my life! i haven't been on here in YEARS! well i just read through all of ym old weblogs && i was so fuckin stupid. here's whats goin on with me now. me and blake are together again. i'm madly inlove with him, fuck everyone else. he's the only person i need! i've gone through sooo much in the past few years. loosing friends, either by some bad happening, them moving away or just loosing touch. and realizing things i never knew before. i've really grown up. me and blake have had something for each other for 5 years and just recently realized our deep love for each other. and i couldn't be happier! so what if i'm loosing my friends to some jealous bitch who purposley tries to ruin my ife, it's their mistake not mine. and when they need me, i'm not gonna be here anymore because they showed me that they're not my real friends. i wasn't askin them to choose who to be friends with, i was depending on them to stand up for me rather than befriend that bitch. fuck haters. i've made new friends and lost old ones, it's a part of life.. i'll move on.  Blake Michael Haydel is the best friend that i've ever had. we've had a rocky past but no matter what we can't be without each other. this boy is the love of my life. all those other silly bullshit relationships meant nothing to me comared to this one. i seriously don't know what i'd do without this boy! we're gonna get married one day.  he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. the way he makes me feel is unlike anything ive ever felt! i still remember the frist day i met him, the first time our eyes ever met and were locked on each other. he was dating my best friend at the time, and she wanted me to meet him (i know this sounds kinda fucked up) as soon as i walked in the door and our eyes met, i knew there was something about him that i would never ever forget. his eyes were so blue... and he was wearing some red shorts and no shirt hahaha. we were only 12 years old and i wasn't really all into guys, but there was something about him that i just couldn't get off my mind. and ever since that day, my life has changed in so many ways. he's always been there for me even though he never had a great way of showing it, but he was young and confused and so was i. but everything makes sence now. the way it all happened and how it all added up to me and him being together on this day. i thank god for giving me this. true love. because of blake, i beleive. i had such hard times growing up but he makes me forget the world when we're together. i get so lost in his eyes and i'm overwhelmed by the love behind his kiss. i know that this is real. he needs me just as much as i need him. we drive each other fuckin nuts sometimes, but that's only because we care about each other so much that we don't realize the little things sometimes. in the past, we would break up after an argument... and lately we've been aruging a lot. but we've been sticking together, stronger than ever before. and to be able to have that and still love each other more than anything in the world means so much to me. i miss my xanga. it's a way of just letting things out through the days. myspace is only a way for people to be nosey and get jealous and... it's just so stupid. i thought it was to remind your friends how much you care, not to belittle others and try to make yourself seem like the bigger person... it seems like the world revolves around myspace. and that's ridiculous. why do people have to be the way they are?  i'm glad i found my special someone that proved to me that not all people are the same. they aren't all selfish coniving haters. it's so stupid to let jealousy take over. just accpet what happens to you and know that everything really does happen for a reason. i've got few friends, but i'd rather have few true friends than have numerous fake friends. it's hard letting go, but it really is for the best. i've been slacking in school, i really need to get back on track wit that.... i really miss playin soccer with my soccer sisters. they look down on me and i hate it. i'm a person, i fucked up! geeezz, gimme a fuckin break. i'm the same person! ... i just made mistakes. sorry i'm not "perfect". but honestly, nobody is. some just make more mistakes than others. or bigger mistakes. i don't know why i'm even updating. nobody really gets on this shit anymore. but it feels good letting this shit out.  fuck the past! i live in the present. and as for the future, i'm coming sooner than i know! and i can't wait for the day that i get to look my lover in the eyes and say those two simple words that will forever combine us into one.  | 
