Hello… its been awhile since I have written in here… I wish I could say I have had a good past month or so but I haven’t… I hated school so much and I didn’t really care about it. I gave up on it and my grades show that… it turned out to be my worst semester since probably ever… I can’t remember ever doing that bad… I screwed myself over and I can no longer graduate with top honors. I am very depressed over that… especially since I disappointed my parents… they had such high expectations and I couldn’t live up to them… I tried until last semester and then I gave up. I honestly wanted to drop out of school…and I use to LOVE school… and now I HATE it and really don’t know how much I would care if I just didn’t go back next semester. I only have student teaching left and then I will be done… but that means it will be the most stressful semester of my life… I don’t think I can handle any more stress because it will just put me more into a deeper depression than I am already in.

I wanna give up on life… I don’t really know why but I just don’t wanna deal with anything anymore. I hope things get better really soon… something needs to make me happy. Christmas never makes me happy so something else has to happen soon.

The only good thing that has happened was I went to Jakie’s soccer game tonight. It was so cute watching him play. He is the smallest one on the team. He plays with four and five year olds. He loves playing goalie!!! He left like one out of ten balls get into the goal! Everyone in the stands loves him and always cheers for him. Most of the time though he kicks the ball the wrong way… but he is cute.

I went and observed for a day in a fourth grade classroom of one of the worst schools in the district… it was an interesting day. I had to break up two fights. I loved the kids more than I expected but I do not know if I could handle spending most of the day discipline the students and stopping fights than spending the time teaching them. The students are disadvantaged and do not have much family involvement in their life.

I miss my girls from QU a lot… I can’t wait to see them soon… although I will be back a week earlier than everyone else. I am the student teacher for Project Renew for Applied College Algebra… I just hope I remember everything and can teach it well… I need to look over the book some before then.