Weblog

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

  • Hip Hip Horrrrrrrayyyyy!

    YAY!!!!!!! Go Obama!!!

    So I've made it a point to not voice my opinions about the elections.. but I have something that I had to share and tell everyone of how proud I am of my mom.. Yes, even parents can make you proud!

    Scenario: My mom and her Chinese walking buddies hiking Lake Chabot
    Friend: Who you going to vote for?
    Mom: I wanted to vote for Hillary, but she's not in the running anymore so Obama
    Friend 2: Why Hillary? She was too strong of a woman. Its not good for a country to have a woman be in power.
    Mom: Why not? Why is it such a big deal that a woman can have an opinion or be strong? I don't understand why its okay for men to say what they want and hold positions of power without being questioned and why women are seen as bad when they have a voice, an opinion, or power.
    Friend: (silent) you have a point.

    I cannot tell you how proud I am. Who knew my mom could be a feminist? Actually, I probably knew all along.. She put up with 5 years of me at Girls Inc. and all the sex ed. and girl empowerment program stuff I did.

    Going along with that.. I hope Prop 4 and 8 do not pass. If there's one thing about my mom that I really love is her thoughts on allowing people to have choice - the choice to be with who you want to be with or the choice to make a decision on what your future looks like. These choices should not be taken away nor should they be under the control of the state.

    Our country has just made a turn for the better - whether you like it or not.. Obama as President means greater representation.. America will finally be redefined. It already has.

    With anticipation and anxiety and excitement,
    MsHelenMa

Friday, September 05, 2008

  • Double Blessing & Curse in Disguise?

    So two weeks ago, I received a call from one of the offices at school asking me if I wanted to work for them as the executive assistant.. Considering I've been SUPER broke since my arrival at UCSC, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to do something outside of my academics (basic office duties, event planning, creating/facilitating academic resources) while making money! So I was super excited until...

    Also on the same day, I came home to my hotmail account and received an email from Bettina Aptheker stating that if I was still interested, that an opening was now available to become the Teaching Assistant to her Introduction to Feminisms class. I had forgotten and somewhat lost hope of becoming a TA over the summer as I was number two on a waiting list and come on, who gives up the chance to TA for Bettina Aptheker!? There is no way to explain how ecstatic I was after this email - oh, did I mention it might be one of her last years teaching this class??

    Even though as TA's we're required to go to lectures, I will indeed not only sit through another quarter of her class, but I will have the honor and pleasure of being able to teach my section about the Affects of Advertisements on Minorities. I mean, her class reminded me of why I choose feminist studies as one of my majors of study... after a year of theory based classes and professors who were either impersonal or seemingly careless of their students, Bettina's class and her personality reopened my eyes to what it means to be a feminist, and above all, a woman in today's society..

    So what is this double blessing and curse? As of the 15th, my social life and sleep is O.V.E.R, over! I got a cold this week, and in a way, I feel like its Gods way of saying, enjoy your sleep while it lasts, because its all about to be over. Somehow, at this (and the past two weeks) moment in time, I am more excited than I am fearful.

    So pray that I survive the next four months cuz with 15, possibly 20 units, a job and TAing a class, I feel that once December comes, I will need to hibernate for winter break....

  • Random Thought

    Since I've had some time on my hands in the past month, Ive been watching lots of tv sitcoms and movies online and catching up with pop culture, per say. Anywhoo..

    Considering that every show-movie has to have a couple to complete its plot line...  I was wondering, how often have you watched a show and either imagined/wished of yourself as the couple in the movie/show or saw yourself in the characters. I know if anything, that plenty of us watch shows and scream at the characters (as if they hear us or as if the producers-scriptwriters didn't plan for this to already happen) for the stupid things they do and then oo and aww over the cute things characters do.

    I just started watching Sex and the City and I'm a huge fan of One Tree Hill and obviously The Notebook.. Anywhoo.. theres so many times that I watch a show and see myself in the character.. Carrie and Mr. Big.. Lucas and Peyton... Haley and Nathan.. and sometimes, you wonder, does life really imitate art or does art imitate life? What is it about our relationships, romantic or otherwise, that makes it so relatable when we see it onscreen in a movie or a show? Why is it easier for us to scream at the screen rather than stop ourselves from the ever so hideous cycles in life?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

  • Did I mention that I am taking a class all about death and dying??

    Today, I watched the most deperessing movie.. EVER.. I swear, a movie has never made me cry.. EVER.. not even the Notebook or A Walk to Remember. The movie was all about these ppl who were dying of cancer and knew it and their daily life as a survivor yet a person who is slowly dying. Throughout the movie, all I heard was *sniff sniff* and when the lights turned on, the class was alll dumbfounded and red faced and teary eyed. I had to walk around that side of campus once before settling down to read cuz I just needed to clear my mind.

    Watta Class. If you get a chance, take a Sociology - Psychology of Death and Dying Class. It gives you a new perspective of death and dying and life. I honestly think Im going to enjoy the clas, as morbid as it may seem.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

  • Past. Present. Future.

    What is it about our past that haunts us? Why do we block certain memories while retaining others?

    What is it about the future that puts so many of us at unease? Why do we fear the uncertain? Why do we need to have a plan or know where our life lies in a decade?

    Thirteen years ago, today, my grandma received a call from my mom at the hospital saying that my dad had passed away. The phone drops. She turns to me and tells me in Chinese. "Soul has left" (lost in translation). Everything before that moment has been removed from my memory. The week or months after are all a blur. No lies. Fragments of my childhood are remembered because I have pictures to remind me or because I have flashbacks or because my mom reminds me.

    Earlier this week, I told my bestie that this week could go down two ways
          A. I become enveloped in all the chaos of birthdays, anniversaries, papers, midterms, friends that I forget about the emotions that I should allow to occur
              May I remind you. This week, I celebrated my dad's birthday while celebrating Carol, Michelle, and Judy's 22nds while writing 3 papers and bombing a midterm.
         B. I have a total breakdown because I allowed myself to think.. to remember. 

    I think I reached the middle ground this time. I am finally willing to face certain facts. I belive that the past 13 years has been the best learning experience for me and my mom. I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without the example set by my mom as a result of my dad's passing away. I no longer see his death as this life ending moment -- for him as well as me (at least emotionally).

    My strength, endurance, and independent free thinking would not have been possible had I not seen how strong my mom was admist the worst trials in her life. Although my future is all in the hands of God, I only hope that my future is one worthy of my dad and my mom because even though my dad is no longer here, I know that he is watching over me. I can only hope that the memories will eventually return to me so that I have more to hold onto as the years roll on by.

    So, what lies in your past, present and future? What memories are removed and what pictures remain in your brain's database? What are you proud of? Who can you thank for your success as an individual? What matters to you now? How will you attain personal happiness in the future?

Weblog

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

  • Hip Hip Horrrrrrrayyyyy!

    YAY!!!!!!! Go Obama!!!

    So I've made it a point to not voice my opinions about the elections.. but I have something that I had to share and tell everyone of how proud I am of my mom.. Yes, even parents can make you proud!

    Scenario: My mom and her Chinese walking buddies hiking Lake Chabot
    Friend: Who you going to vote for?
    Mom: I wanted to vote for Hillary, but she's not in the running anymore so Obama
    Friend 2: Why Hillary? She was too strong of a woman. Its not good for a country to have a woman be in power.
    Mom: Why not? Why is it such a big deal that a woman can have an opinion or be strong? I don't understand why its okay for men to say what they want and hold positions of power without being questioned and why women are seen as bad when they have a voice, an opinion, or power.
    Friend: (silent) you have a point.

    I cannot tell you how proud I am. Who knew my mom could be a feminist? Actually, I probably knew all along.. She put up with 5 years of me at Girls Inc. and all the sex ed. and girl empowerment program stuff I did.

    Going along with that.. I hope Prop 4 and 8 do not pass. If there's one thing about my mom that I really love is her thoughts on allowing people to have choice - the choice to be with who you want to be with or the choice to make a decision on what your future looks like. These choices should not be taken away nor should they be under the control of the state.

    Our country has just made a turn for the better - whether you like it or not.. Obama as President means greater representation.. America will finally be redefined. It already has.

    With anticipation and anxiety and excitement,
    MsHelenMa

Friday, September 05, 2008

  • Double Blessing & Curse in Disguise?

    So two weeks ago, I received a call from one of the offices at school asking me if I wanted to work for them as the executive assistant.. Considering I've been SUPER broke since my arrival at UCSC, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to do something outside of my academics (basic office duties, event planning, creating/facilitating academic resources) while making money! So I was super excited until...

    Also on the same day, I came home to my hotmail account and received an email from Bettina Aptheker stating that if I was still interested, that an opening was now available to become the Teaching Assistant to her Introduction to Feminisms class. I had forgotten and somewhat lost hope of becoming a TA over the summer as I was number two on a waiting list and come on, who gives up the chance to TA for Bettina Aptheker!? There is no way to explain how ecstatic I was after this email - oh, did I mention it might be one of her last years teaching this class??

    Even though as TA's we're required to go to lectures, I will indeed not only sit through another quarter of her class, but I will have the honor and pleasure of being able to teach my section about the Affects of Advertisements on Minorities. I mean, her class reminded me of why I choose feminist studies as one of my majors of study... after a year of theory based classes and professors who were either impersonal or seemingly careless of their students, Bettina's class and her personality reopened my eyes to what it means to be a feminist, and above all, a woman in today's society..

    So what is this double blessing and curse? As of the 15th, my social life and sleep is O.V.E.R, over! I got a cold this week, and in a way, I feel like its Gods way of saying, enjoy your sleep while it lasts, because its all about to be over. Somehow, at this (and the past two weeks) moment in time, I am more excited than I am fearful.

    So pray that I survive the next four months cuz with 15, possibly 20 units, a job and TAing a class, I feel that once December comes, I will need to hibernate for winter break....

  • Random Thought

    Since I've had some time on my hands in the past month, Ive been watching lots of tv sitcoms and movies online and catching up with pop culture, per say. Anywhoo..

    Considering that every show-movie has to have a couple to complete its plot line...  I was wondering, how often have you watched a show and either imagined/wished of yourself as the couple in the movie/show or saw yourself in the characters. I know if anything, that plenty of us watch shows and scream at the characters (as if they hear us or as if the producers-scriptwriters didn't plan for this to already happen) for the stupid things they do and then oo and aww over the cute things characters do.

    I just started watching Sex and the City and I'm a huge fan of One Tree Hill and obviously The Notebook.. Anywhoo.. theres so many times that I watch a show and see myself in the character.. Carrie and Mr. Big.. Lucas and Peyton... Haley and Nathan.. and sometimes, you wonder, does life really imitate art or does art imitate life? What is it about our relationships, romantic or otherwise, that makes it so relatable when we see it onscreen in a movie or a show? Why is it easier for us to scream at the screen rather than stop ourselves from the ever so hideous cycles in life?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

  • Did I mention that I am taking a class all about death and dying??

    Today, I watched the most deperessing movie.. EVER.. I swear, a movie has never made me cry.. EVER.. not even the Notebook or A Walk to Remember. The movie was all about these ppl who were dying of cancer and knew it and their daily life as a survivor yet a person who is slowly dying. Throughout the movie, all I heard was *sniff sniff* and when the lights turned on, the class was alll dumbfounded and red faced and teary eyed. I had to walk around that side of campus once before settling down to read cuz I just needed to clear my mind.

    Watta Class. If you get a chance, take a Sociology - Psychology of Death and Dying Class. It gives you a new perspective of death and dying and life. I honestly think Im going to enjoy the clas, as morbid as it may seem.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

  • Past. Present. Future.

    What is it about our past that haunts us? Why do we block certain memories while retaining others?

    What is it about the future that puts so many of us at unease? Why do we fear the uncertain? Why do we need to have a plan or know where our life lies in a decade?

    Thirteen years ago, today, my grandma received a call from my mom at the hospital saying that my dad had passed away. The phone drops. She turns to me and tells me in Chinese. "Soul has left" (lost in translation). Everything before that moment has been removed from my memory. The week or months after are all a blur. No lies. Fragments of my childhood are remembered because I have pictures to remind me or because I have flashbacks or because my mom reminds me.

    Earlier this week, I told my bestie that this week could go down two ways
          A. I become enveloped in all the chaos of birthdays, anniversaries, papers, midterms, friends that I forget about the emotions that I should allow to occur
              May I remind you. This week, I celebrated my dad's birthday while celebrating Carol, Michelle, and Judy's 22nds while writing 3 papers and bombing a midterm.
         B. I have a total breakdown because I allowed myself to think.. to remember. 

    I think I reached the middle ground this time. I am finally willing to face certain facts. I belive that the past 13 years has been the best learning experience for me and my mom. I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without the example set by my mom as a result of my dad's passing away. I no longer see his death as this life ending moment -- for him as well as me (at least emotionally).

    My strength, endurance, and independent free thinking would not have been possible had I not seen how strong my mom was admist the worst trials in her life. Although my future is all in the hands of God, I only hope that my future is one worthy of my dad and my mom because even though my dad is no longer here, I know that he is watching over me. I can only hope that the memories will eventually return to me so that I have more to hold onto as the years roll on by.

    So, what lies in your past, present and future? What memories are removed and what pictures remain in your brain's database? What are you proud of? Who can you thank for your success as an individual? What matters to you now? How will you attain personal happiness in the future?

Weblog

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

  • Hip Hip Horrrrrrrayyyyy!

    YAY!!!!!!! Go Obama!!!

    So I've made it a point to not voice my opinions about the elections.. but I have something that I had to share and tell everyone of how proud I am of my mom.. Yes, even parents can make you proud!

    Scenario: My mom and her Chinese walking buddies hiking Lake Chabot
    Friend: Who you going to vote for?
    Mom: I wanted to vote for Hillary, but she's not in the running anymore so Obama
    Friend 2: Why Hillary? She was too strong of a woman. Its not good for a country to have a woman be in power.
    Mom: Why not? Why is it such a big deal that a woman can have an opinion or be strong? I don't understand why its okay for men to say what they want and hold positions of power without being questioned and why women are seen as bad when they have a voice, an opinion, or power.
    Friend: (silent) you have a point.

    I cannot tell you how proud I am. Who knew my mom could be a feminist? Actually, I probably knew all along.. She put up with 5 years of me at Girls Inc. and all the sex ed. and girl empowerment program stuff I did.

    Going along with that.. I hope Prop 4 and 8 do not pass. If there's one thing about my mom that I really love is her thoughts on allowing people to have choice - the choice to be with who you want to be with or the choice to make a decision on what your future looks like. These choices should not be taken away nor should they be under the control of the state.

    Our country has just made a turn for the better - whether you like it or not.. Obama as President means greater representation.. America will finally be redefined. It already has.

    With anticipation and anxiety and excitement,
    MsHelenMa

Friday, September 05, 2008

  • Double Blessing & Curse in Disguise?

    So two weeks ago, I received a call from one of the offices at school asking me if I wanted to work for them as the executive assistant.. Considering I've been SUPER broke since my arrival at UCSC, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to do something outside of my academics (basic office duties, event planning, creating/facilitating academic resources) while making money! So I was super excited until...

    Also on the same day, I came home to my hotmail account and received an email from Bettina Aptheker stating that if I was still interested, that an opening was now available to become the Teaching Assistant to her Introduction to Feminisms class. I had forgotten and somewhat lost hope of becoming a TA over the summer as I was number two on a waiting list and come on, who gives up the chance to TA for Bettina Aptheker!? There is no way to explain how ecstatic I was after this email - oh, did I mention it might be one of her last years teaching this class??

    Even though as TA's we're required to go to lectures, I will indeed not only sit through another quarter of her class, but I will have the honor and pleasure of being able to teach my section about the Affects of Advertisements on Minorities. I mean, her class reminded me of why I choose feminist studies as one of my majors of study... after a year of theory based classes and professors who were either impersonal or seemingly careless of their students, Bettina's class and her personality reopened my eyes to what it means to be a feminist, and above all, a woman in today's society..

    So what is this double blessing and curse? As of the 15th, my social life and sleep is O.V.E.R, over! I got a cold this week, and in a way, I feel like its Gods way of saying, enjoy your sleep while it lasts, because its all about to be over. Somehow, at this (and the past two weeks) moment in time, I am more excited than I am fearful.

    So pray that I survive the next four months cuz with 15, possibly 20 units, a job and TAing a class, I feel that once December comes, I will need to hibernate for winter break....

  • Random Thought

    Since I've had some time on my hands in the past month, Ive been watching lots of tv sitcoms and movies online and catching up with pop culture, per say. Anywhoo..

    Considering that every show-movie has to have a couple to complete its plot line...  I was wondering, how often have you watched a show and either imagined/wished of yourself as the couple in the movie/show or saw yourself in the characters. I know if anything, that plenty of us watch shows and scream at the characters (as if they hear us or as if the producers-scriptwriters didn't plan for this to already happen) for the stupid things they do and then oo and aww over the cute things characters do.

    I just started watching Sex and the City and I'm a huge fan of One Tree Hill and obviously The Notebook.. Anywhoo.. theres so many times that I watch a show and see myself in the character.. Carrie and Mr. Big.. Lucas and Peyton... Haley and Nathan.. and sometimes, you wonder, does life really imitate art or does art imitate life? What is it about our relationships, romantic or otherwise, that makes it so relatable when we see it onscreen in a movie or a show? Why is it easier for us to scream at the screen rather than stop ourselves from the ever so hideous cycles in life?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

  • Did I mention that I am taking a class all about death and dying??

    Today, I watched the most deperessing movie.. EVER.. I swear, a movie has never made me cry.. EVER.. not even the Notebook or A Walk to Remember. The movie was all about these ppl who were dying of cancer and knew it and their daily life as a survivor yet a person who is slowly dying. Throughout the movie, all I heard was *sniff sniff* and when the lights turned on, the class was alll dumbfounded and red faced and teary eyed. I had to walk around that side of campus once before settling down to read cuz I just needed to clear my mind.

    Watta Class. If you get a chance, take a Sociology - Psychology of Death and Dying Class. It gives you a new perspective of death and dying and life. I honestly think Im going to enjoy the clas, as morbid as it may seem.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

  • Past. Present. Future.

    What is it about our past that haunts us? Why do we block certain memories while retaining others?

    What is it about the future that puts so many of us at unease? Why do we fear the uncertain? Why do we need to have a plan or know where our life lies in a decade?

    Thirteen years ago, today, my grandma received a call from my mom at the hospital saying that my dad had passed away. The phone drops. She turns to me and tells me in Chinese. "Soul has left" (lost in translation). Everything before that moment has been removed from my memory. The week or months after are all a blur. No lies. Fragments of my childhood are remembered because I have pictures to remind me or because I have flashbacks or because my mom reminds me.

    Earlier this week, I told my bestie that this week could go down two ways
          A. I become enveloped in all the chaos of birthdays, anniversaries, papers, midterms, friends that I forget about the emotions that I should allow to occur
              May I remind you. This week, I celebrated my dad's birthday while celebrating Carol, Michelle, and Judy's 22nds while writing 3 papers and bombing a midterm.
         B. I have a total breakdown because I allowed myself to think.. to remember. 

    I think I reached the middle ground this time. I am finally willing to face certain facts. I belive that the past 13 years has been the best learning experience for me and my mom. I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without the example set by my mom as a result of my dad's passing away. I no longer see his death as this life ending moment -- for him as well as me (at least emotionally).

    My strength, endurance, and independent free thinking would not have been possible had I not seen how strong my mom was admist the worst trials in her life. Although my future is all in the hands of God, I only hope that my future is one worthy of my dad and my mom because even though my dad is no longer here, I know that he is watching over me. I can only hope that the memories will eventually return to me so that I have more to hold onto as the years roll on by.

    So, what lies in your past, present and future? What memories are removed and what pictures remain in your brain's database? What are you proud of? Who can you thank for your success as an individual? What matters to you now? How will you attain personal happiness in the future?

zzswtnsleepyzz

  • Visit zzswtnsleepyzz's Xanga Site
    • Country: United States
    • State: California
    • Metro: Bay Area
    • Birthday: 12/15/1985
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/22/2003

About Me

  • Im a simple and down to earth kinda girl who loves to study societies and women. I believe I have a lot to give to this world and can't wait for the moment I can begin to do so.

Pulse

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